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Maybe we should check if we might be practicing one or more of these toxic behaviours, causing annoyance or even misery to those around us?
We mostly quickly acknowledge and react to negativity when we are on the receiving end. But we hardly ever notice how our toxic behavior might be killing someone’s peace of mind.
Given that people prefer to talk behind our backs rather than telling us upfront about what might be offending them, we may actually end up spending our entire lives ignorant of our own negativity.
According to JOHARI window, there is a side of our personalities that we ourselves don’t know. This fact may relieve you a bit but there are always ways to find out the secret self that we all possess.
So are you guilty of doing these following things? If your answer is yes then I must congratulate you, as you have taken the first step to improvement – which is acknowledgement.
This is the worst thing you can do to someone who has invested their time and money to get you something. Agreed, that sometimes gifts can be downright bad but you should always stick to the golden rule of not saying anything if you have nothing good to say. However, saying a ‘Thank You’ in spite of everything is the most courteous thing to do.
So you choose to turn a blind eye as long as everything is going great but the minute someone falls, you waste no time to judge, criticize or demean. Of course the person might have committed a grave blunder and bringing things to their notice might be unavoidable. However, that person is most likely to be open to your feedback if he has been praised as well. If you only bring out someone’s mistakes not only do you lose that person but you also lose the credibility of your own advice.
When people discuss their life with you, you invariably bring back the conversation to how much harder your life is and how much bigger your problems are as compared to theirs. In fact anything can trigger this I HAVE A HORRIBLE LIFE mood in you, even a simple courteous question like- “how are you?”
Honestly not everyone really wants to know how you are doing. You should in fact keep those conversations reserved for people who are close to you. And even then you should not make a routine of opening up your Pandora’s box of woes. Doing this will not only ensure that you have fewer people seeking your company but you will also have no one around when you would really need someone. Remember that old fable from your childhood, about the shepherd boy who kept talking about the wolf? Similarly, when you keep talking about your problems, no body will ever know when you actually need help.
So you want to lose weight but you put down every suggestion by explaining how difficult, impossible or un-doable it is. When you do this, people stop taking you and your problems seriously. Because they realize that you enjoy the misery and the helplessness. Nobody can make you walk a straight line, however simple it may be, if you want to go in circles.
When somebody shares something positive with you, you end up highlighting the darker side of things. So while people talk about how beautiful hill stations are you are the one who puts a wet blanket on everyone’s spirits by talking of the bitter cold. When the general mood is that of happiness and positivity one should refrain from dampening the enthusiasm. Sometimes being practical or honest only leaves a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.
Nobody really owes anyone anything. But if you respond to someone’s good gesture with an ungrateful attitude, you are not only shunning future opportunities but you are also telling yourself a lie that there are no genuinely nice people.
Simply because you feel that no good will come to you if others fare well in their life. So when you hear a good news about someone’s achievements you generally react by wondering, “how does it affect me?”
Well not everything is about you all the time. If you forever expect people to keep doing things for you, you will forever be unhappy. It is not really difficult to be happy for someone without any motives. You may be surprised that it feels great to be happy for something that does not involve you.
So, if you have been doing any of these or a couple of these, then do not fret. As mentioned earlier acknowledgement is the first step to improvement. When you take the first step towards positivity, the universe responds by setting you up on a roller coaster ride!
Image source: positivity negativity by Shutterstock.
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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