A story of love, loss and second chances by Nikita Singh, releasing this Valentine’s Day.
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Why must successful women always been seen as the appendages of their significant others? A look at society’s need to credit the success of a woman to her husband.
This article doesn’t target anyone. Well, except for a person who would fake shock and disgust and immediately try to defend himself and would scream for anonymity. After all, who would want to be publicly called a hypocrite? Or it could be just that he wants to avoid any tassels with his girlfriend, so he would rather request that he should not be named in this discussion.
This person speaks of feminism in public with as much high regard as he would of female genitalia in private, more so because men who ‘appear’ to feminist are in vogue and can be often seen on Instagram faking sexy in his smile and holding a ‘Real Men Don’t Rape’ poster while checking out the ‘rack’ of the bimbo passing by.
So, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or, as I would love to call the pale faced snake, Voldemort, checks out girls and calls it appreciation, does them favors and then expects some sort of sexual repayment, rallies against marital rape while asks mummy-daddy to look for a virgin bride, and of lately, has gotten into his favorite game of praising education and self-respect in a woman and at the same time or maybe when he is not around social media to make a social scarecrow of him, compartmentalizing her in either of the three distinctions.
If she is pretty and successful, he’ll call her a gold digger. If she is pretty and rich, he’d call her trophy wife. If she’s rich and successful, he’ll call her ugly. Because, a woman rich and successful would never get a self-respecting husband (Voldemort means himself, of course) because she needs nothing substantial from a man. And, everyone knows women marry because of money or power, not love or understanding.
And, by that same caveman logic, a woman can never start from zero and make it to success without a successful man tweaking his fingers all over her business. So, Marie Curie’s husband discovered Radium while she got the Nobel or Oprah Winfrey‘s boyfriend made her the first African-American billionaire, or Meg Whitman’s husband expanded eBay while she relaxed, and J.K. Rowling’s husband created Voldemort while she bathed in the luxuries of unemployed motherhood and it was Alam Clooney’s husband, who is incidentally George Clooney, who helped her secure high profile cases from people around the world. Because, people instead of getting a competent lawyer who will keep them out of jail, listen to Hollywood actors who may or may not even be aware of the sensitivity of the case.
And, there are millions of people like Voldemort who actually think that any job that a woman lands has the husband going behind her back and waving his magic wand around to get his wife the kind of success only associated with hard work and devotion. Which is basically your way of saying that women, in general, are not capable of hard work and devotion.
This actually makes me wonder, how a man would actually ensure a woman’s success in an over-competitive world, which is less than tolerant with the untalented. Which is true in case of anyone, be it man or woman. But, you don’t really hear women saying, ‘he got on the job, coz his woman goes shopping with the director’. It’s just another variant of the male need to objectify and thus declare an ownership of the ‘goods’. That he can get the little thing ‘decorated’ with praises from her work place with just a phone call.
Isn’t it the same reason coz of which we see banks having account application forms asking husband’s name. Agreed, that a certain info is required by the banks. But, you don’t see them asking for wife’s name. Why? What apparent function does declaring husband’s name perform? Or the use of Ms. And Mrs. With both titles, a certain judgment comes to be associated even though it is the same person. It’s more than often asked for and stressed in mundane information collection. Why? What is the point of such an archaic custom?
Much of the judgment associated with ‘Mrs’ comes in the form of justification of completely normal activities. Is she studying? Her husband must be allowing so. Does she work? Her husband must be allowing so. Does she have kids? Her husband must be OK with that, otherwise why wouldn’t she. It’s not anybody’s fault. It’s simply the ways are brains our wired by the ages of subconscious discrimination. A married woman’s whole existence is thought to be dependent on the whims of the husband. It’s no wonder that much of a woman’s success is attributed to her husband irrespective of his role in that.
And, it’s not really the title but the last name, which really causes the judgment. You hear the last name and if it’s somewhat popular, for some reason, you are inclined to think that this is what would have helped her.
What’s worse that a woman’s success is supposed to be harmful for the relationship.
What’s worse that a woman’s success is supposed to be harmful for the relationship. So, a husband may not be encouraged to alter his ego, but a wife would be advised to ignore her passion for work and be content with an overgrown child who is nothing but arrogant. A relationship can’t really work unless both the spouses treat each other as equals. And, if a woman’s success is supposed to be derivative of her husband’s labors then that will only drive them farther. The husband would be bathed in fake glory, which would result in pride and the wife would be left frustrated at not getting credits for her hard work and her self-esteem will be lowered. A relationship with pride and frustration can never work.
I mean, I could list millions of examples. And, people like Voldemort would actually nod and say, “Hail ye, thou independent and successful lady”, but aside, they would just smirk and whisper that the husband’s friend’s colleague knew somebody. And, why the smirk Voldemort, even Bellatrix Lestrange earned her notoriety her own way, and her husband had nothing to do with it. But, then I guess you do not have any humanity left, what would you know about the frustration for not getting the credit for your hard work. And, maybe it’s your super-villainy powers or something, but I see you everywhere. In each of those pair of eyes who look at me, and wonder how my husband helped with the fancy job. So, here’s the answer Voldemort. I made on my own. Struggling and working till my body ached and the mind threatened to bust a nerve. And, if you don’t believe that, I don’t care. Because, I’ve come to far while you sat hissing with your dearest Nagini what strings my husband had to pull. Mischief Managed!
Cover image via Shutterstock
Crazy thinker, impulsive writer, schizophrenic psychopath.....what!! Ruchi, why would you write that now, huh?
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