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Getting over a failed office romance, might not be easy still not impossible. Here's how to go about it. Keep your chin up.
Getting over a failed office romance might not be easy, because you are face-to-face with the person every day, but it’s still not impossible. Here’s how to keep your chin up and go about it.
No breakup is easy to bear. When you are in a relationship, you are a part of what you consider a “whole.” It is an inclusive, all-accepting bubble of comfort and love. But the truth, however hard it is to face, is that sometimes the bubble bursts. Everyone takes their time to heal, and like all wounds, the best way is to let it be – don’t keep coming into contact with what caused the wound.
In the case of office romances, though, that simply isn’t possible. You work together, probably are on the same team, probably hang out with the same group of friends – it isn’t easy to stay away from each other after a breakup. Nor is it easy to keep seeing the same person every day and reminding yourself of the hurt – of the fact that this person was the biggest part of your life. ‘Was.’ Now, they’re just the cause of a loud, uncomfortable silence when the two of you share the same space. And that uncomfortable silence is the least of your problems.
A lot of us spend way too much time at work. No matter what they tell us about work-life balance, chances are, most of your interactions happen at work, and most of your social life includes team outings. It is quite common that one develops a relationship with a colleague. But no relationships come with guarantees, unfortunately.
If you do breakup, then the first thing you want to tell yourself is – take your time to heal. Compartmentalize the hurt and the anger, let it heal, don’t let it come in the way of the rest of you or your work. Sure, you’re thinking, it’s easy for me to sit and preach, but trust me and try it. Split the hurt from the rest of you. You will learn how to do it. We all cope, after all.
Try to remember all the good times you had before you got into the relationship. Tell yourself you are still the same person. You are like a rubber band – elastic and resilient.
Don’t go out of your way to be friends. You broke up for a reason. Whatever that reason might be, staying friends is never a good idea. It is difficult in an office environment to not see each other at all. But do not go out of your way to run into them in the corridor to make small talk, just because you think you are maintaining ‘a healthy and positive work environment.’ Just don’t. It’s not healthy, it’s not positive. It’s just sad and uncomfortable.
You will run into each other though, even if you don’t orchestrate it. It’s an office, it happens.Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
You will run into each other though, even if you don’t orchestrate it. It’s an office, it happens.
You will run into each other though, even if you don’t orchestrate it. It’s an office, it happens. When it does, be cordial. Probably some people know you were both in a relationship and now you are not – people talk – but there is no need to display your grief out there for everyone to see. Maintain your dignity. Keep your chin high and even smile, if you can. Talk where appropriate. Be the bigger person.
Do not turn to alcohol. Every time you feel like drowning yourself in wine, think of how your hungover self is going to look on your performance report.
Don’t cut your hair, no matter what you read in Cosmo. Cutting your hair looks weak, desperate, immature, shallow, and silly. You are none of that. Also, not just that it makes you look shallow and silly; the joy of having a new look is so brief. Learn to love who you are, who you were, and try to reconcile the two. Split ends and boredom are the only good reasons to change your hairstyle – not a breakup.
Retail therapy is a good stress buster, but like the point above, that joy lasts momentarily. If you must indulge, do so wisely.
Your work keeps you busy. While not the most “emotional” thing to do, work does help keep your mind off things. Take this chance. Join some fun communities too, if you have any at your workplace (like nature club for instance). Now think how that would look on your performance report. Certainly better, eh?
Asking your HR to put you in a different team or quitting the company is a terrible idea.
Asking your HR to put you in a different team or quitting the company is a terrible idea. It is like escaping reality. Running away from your problems, instead of facing them. It’s also unprofessional. What is the reason you are gonna give them for leaving? However sad you are, they are never going to buy that reason. Remember, a new job is sometimes hard to come by. But there may be instances (assume you broke up because the person cheated on you with someone else who may even be at the same office) where seeing this person might trigger unbearable sadness or even depression. If you think it’s unbearable and the wound will not heal as long as you both are in the same space, then look for another project/job. Quitting/changing teams must be the last resort, but if it’s the only thing that can make you happy – do it.
Most importantly – put yourself first. You are a great person and you were a great person. Reconcile the two, like I stated above. It may seem like the horizon is too far away now – but you’ll get there.
Office romance image via Shutterstock
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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