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Can a weekend marriage work? Here’s what 3 months of living apart from her husband taught this author.
“It’s funny how ‘a part’ and ‘apart’ are complete opposites, yet only differ by a little space.” – Wade Rouse.
I moved to Sweden six months after my marriage and after more than a year of struggle, I finally got hold of my dream job. When I thought that here was finally my chance to be happy and accomplished, it turned out that my husband got an excellent opportunity with this firm, three hours away from the place we currently lived at. To cut a long story short, we live in different houses for about three months now.
How has the experience been, you ask me? Better than we expected it to be. Here are the pros and cons of a weekend marriage based on my experience.
The excitement in a relationship builds up. There is much more to look forward to, lots of intimacy, romance and surprises. From imagining what your partner would be wearing to the Friday night dance or the Saturday brunch to noticing their new hairstyle or what they have prepared for dinner for you, every weekend is spicier than ever.
The fights of course won’t vanish into thin air. But they grow more mature than ever before. You will of course fight but they won’t stretch on for long as you realize that you are not together for long, with one of you needing to leave after a day or two.
I never realized how much I missed my husband until after we started to live separately due to our careers. We were dating online before our marriage but that was different. After marriage, however much the other person irritates you at times, even a day apart looks difficult. But then you realize the value of each other too, the hard way.
With Facetime, Facebook, Skype we do catch up after hard day’s work and tell each other almost everything, but at times there is so much to catch up with – so much so that it gets tiresome by the time you reach home and are pooped. Weekdays are exhausting and all you feel like doing is to just eat and catch some sleep.
The weekends are exhausting too when you have something or the other planned. It is difficult to find quality time together, especially with all the grocery shopping, house work, etc.
Of course, your independent lives and careers might be going great but the uncertainty creeps in at times. Till what time is this set up meant for? You love your career but what about finding an opportunity to transfer to a common place? Would he be moving to where you are or should you take the plunge?
Independence is what we rediscover after staying apart and a sudden tremor of loneliness is what you feel at times. You might have a great social circle at work or outside of it, but nothing beats the feeling of rushing to your partner after a hard day of work. That feeling is something else.
There are things that you haven’t got a chance to do in a while, which you do now; something that your partner doesn’t much doesn’t enjoy doing, but you love – you do that. You cook something that he doesn’t enjoy eating. So the staying apart isn’t so bad after all!
The coming and going, the housework…these things seem to be important more than ever now. They seem to be an integral part of your lives now and most of your time goes in planning and packing and settling down, every week and every week after that.
There is no need of any special mention here that the longing grows stronger each day. You are more determined to ‘fight’ for each other and regain back your life to normalcy. The fondness for the partner grows tenfold.
Finally, a weekend marriage can be described as just a test through time to weather the storms of your marriage. It isn’t that bad, nor is it harmful to your marriage. However, if the foundation of a relationship itself is tumultuous, even staying together wouldn’t save it.
On the contrary, if the love is strong enough, it can withstand the ‘temporary’ set up of a weekend marriage. In fact, it only makes it spicier, meatier, crazier and drowned in more love.
holding hands image via Shutterstock
Meet Divya, Indian born-Swedish resident caught up in a world of contradictions ready to
I’m sorry to hear that you and your husband whom you love have been living apart for the last three months. Hope that this ends and you’re together in the same house again soon. A vital part of marriage is in the bedroom so spending time apart is hard. Sadly we rarely talk about the missing sex life when we live apart. I wouldn’t like it at all – but I guess it’s doable for short periods of time. Hats off to you for attempting this.
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