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All we hear about pregnancy and motherhood is the gushing about the miracle of life. No one prepares you for the sea of changes pregnancy brings, says this post.
Motherhood changes you. And it isn’t an overnight change, but rather a frog-boiling-to-death (not the right analogy, I guess) kinda change which you only notice when you’re on the other side of the bridge – a totally different person altogether.
For me, however, the changes were in spurts.
The first to go was my appetite, something I initially blamed on a bad batch of chicken rolls. What I realised later was that the little girl inside me had decided that she was a vegetarian like her father. So there I was, a pure-bred punjabi, a purely non-veg girl, puking at the smell of chicken! That also meant no more weekend trips to Hard Rock Cafe for the chicken burger, and tea just meant tea, not the Long Island iced one! And mind you, that remained for more than an year. Everyone tells you how great the whole experience of giving birth to a child is; no one tells you what all you lose.
Everyone tells you how great the whole experience of giving birth to a child is; no one tells you what all you lose.
Next to go were my favourite pair of heels. That’s right! I was wearing flats! Shoes I won’t even be caught dead in. And now here I am, n year later, with exactly 15 pair of shoes that don’t fit! No one bothered to tell me that even after having a child, your feet (or for that matter you) won’t suddenly go back to your earlier size. It would be a slow, painful process. So that leaves me with shoes I keep trying every week, hoping to fit into some day. Oh, the same is also applicable to finger-rings.
I am not supposed to talk about this or even feel a tiny bit of remorse, as I have to act motherly and take peace in the miracle of life I created. I should be saying profound things like how it’s all worth it in the end. And I do say it with the right amount of emotion. Maybe I will get there, once my hormones settle down, which by the way are yet another set of things that don’t go back to normal very soon. And when they start going astray, you cannot even guess what all can happen to you, right from pigmentation to dry, itchy, flaky skin. You end up hating yourself and doubting if you will ever have the infamous radiant skin.
The hormones also play with your emotions, so till they get back to normal, I am going to be snappy. Thankfully , being in India, I have an understanding, supportive family.
That’s one side of the story, a materialistic girl trying to cope with the loss of her things.
The other side is the ambitious girl who is suddenly on maternity leave with too much free time on her hand. Again, the advice is to cherish these moments, my little baby will only be this age once, so my heart should be swelling with pride over her every mile stone, how the first smile and first giggle should make me cry, and make me feel like it is all worth it in the end. I did cry at her first attempt to talk to me. And my daughter is a little chatterbox who likes singing with me as I sing lullabies for her. And I love it.
The other side is the ambitious girl who is suddenly on maternity leave with too much free time on her hand.
But there are 24 hours in a day, and one tends to reminisce over the carefree old days, especially at night when the clock says 1 am and your little bundle of joy refuses to sleep. So you remember the time when you voluntarily stayed awake at night – reading, chatting, watching movies, doing projects. When stress meant force/area, not the kind you feel when your little one sneezes twice in a row.
What I am trying to say is: no one prepares you for the reality that is having a child. The pregnancy books are full of advice and anecdotes of perfect women who seem like they were just born to give birth. Maybe few years down the line I will pretend to be one of these women, but for now I want to be real.
And in the real world, all the confusions, sadness, coping with changes exists, and you live with it. Try to live past each day as it comes, hoping to reach the other end a saner person. And your only ray of hope is the cute little child you created, whom you decided to bring in the world and whom you love unconditionally and irrevocably, in spite of the fact that she is an exact replica of your mother-in-law. And every woman knows – that speaks volumes of the kind of love you feel!
Pic credit: Image of a pregnant woman via Shutterstock
Author, Blogger, Mother, Daughter, Wife & Mechanical Engineer
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