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Romantic relationships are not rocket science. All it takes is being thoughtful, making an effort, and keeping your expectations in mind, says this post.
We all deal with great expectations when in a relationship – especially the one relationship which is of a romantic nature.
Maslow places love and belongingness at level 3 in his hierarchy of needs, and considers it a growth need. This simply means that individuals have an innate need to love and be loved and this helps them flourish into happier persons. But with great love comes great expectations.
Relationships today have evolved in a manner that individuals who have chosen to be together are able to verbalize their emotions and ask for what they need from one another. Yet, at times, we refrain. We refrain from the fear of being misunderstood, or appearing too needy or clingy or perhaps, too demanding.
And then there’s the reason which brims with expectation – when we refuse to express how we feel because we have done so in the past on numerous occasions. Now, we expect our partner to remember and respect how we feel, as well as reciprocate in the manner we want.
We sit silently, hoping that the person loves us enough and wants us the way we want them – to consciously choose us, or at least consider us and respond to that. Each relationship has its own set of rules, but at the very least one can expect the other person to express how they feel. Now when I say this I do not mean flowers or candy or declarations of a materialistic nature. But if we go by what Maslow proposed (as well as most social psychologists), all we really need is to feel wanted.
Calling your partner a few times over the course of your day – just so they know that you are thinking of them or miss them, or replying to a text if one is not able to call, when you’ve clearly made time to address others’ messages – is worth more than any major gesture. As busy and hectic one’s day may be, those with the advantage of physical or geographical proximity need to make the effort and seek time to meet each other and spend time together.
Social media would always be rendered ineffective, to the point of damaging even,when it comes to communication in a relationship. Nothing beats a face-to-face conversation with your significant other to resolve whatever issues might be there at that moment.
Friendships end, relationships break, and even marriages end up in separation or divorce simply because of how we end up making someone feel. We may not remember the incident or what caused the argument, but would always remember how the other made us feel.
We may not remember the incident or what caused the argument, but would always remember how the other made us feel.
Agreed that there are individual differences that play a huge role. Being affectionate, romantic and attentive comes easy to some. But not everyone considers it their first or even second nature. Some find it difficult to be easily expressive, especially positively expressive. It’s easier for some to criticize openly than display affection. This is precisely the point. Relationships take effort – which stems from willingness on one’s part to want to be invested in the same.
We need to make a conscious effort to make time for each other and to be present in each other’s lives. It is easier not to do so and have every possible reason not to – work/family/traffic/fatigue etc – yet we expect our partner to reach out. No matter who is the ‘giver’ in the relationship, both do expect.
At the end of the day, we need to constantly revisit what made us fall in love with that person. What is it about them that drew us to them and keeps us here now? from wanting to spend every single minute initially calling, texting, or talking to each other, to ensuring that the same ‘giddiness’ and excitement extends even today, why are we with them?
One isn’t looking to recreate an elaborate movie scene daily as a couple, but it would be nice to remember the parts which stir up the soul and make the heart smile.
Pic credit: Image of a Young couple in love via Shutterstock
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