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This is the story of Elizabeth Chandy, a young woman from Kerala who decided to defy the pressure to wear inordinate amounts of gold on your wedding day.
If you happen to watch any popular Malayalam TV channel, the top two contenders for advertising space are umbrellas and gold – with gold ruling the roost. What initially started as a means of investment has taken some serious escalation in terms of how much gold a bride wears on her special day.
With constant egging on by the gold jewelers who have become conglomerates in their own right, the amount of gold one expects a Malayalee bride to wear has reached ridiculous heights. As a result gold smuggling into Kerala is at an all-time high.
What used to be a gold necklace and a chain with matching jimkis that the bride wore for her wedding day in my grandmother’s time has mushroomed into gold chains up to the bride’s knees and bangles up till her elbows. Jewelers take undue advantage of the malleability of gold to flatten it into sheet-like ugly jewelry in order to cover more surface area on the bride thus giving the illusion of having gold plated the ‘poor’ girl.
Who benefits from the gold craze which leads to shops overflowing even on days when gold prices hit an all-time high? Is it the bride who gets to keep all this jewelry and can use it for buying a house in her name or for the education of her future kids? Or does it go as unadulterated dowry to the proud man who is tugging along the sudden windfall of money he got i.e the bride?
Whoever benefits from the obnoxious craze, it’s definitely not the bride’s family who more often than not end up with bankruptcy in their bid to gold plate their daughter.
Elizabeth with her husband on the day of the wedding
Does it pump up the image of the bride’s family who can show their mettle in front of relatives and such? Or is it solely for the benefit of the invitees who can ooh and aah at the amount or lack of gold that the bride wore? Whoever benefits from the obnoxious craze, it’s definitely not the bride’s family who more often than not end up with bankruptcy in their bid to gold plate their daughter.
One shining example of a woman who went against the norm is Elizabeth Chandy. She refused to wear and showcase the money her family or she has at her wedding. The focal point of a wedding shouldn’t be the gold the groom managed to extract from the bride anyway.
Getting inspired by coconut shell jewelry that she saw in the Andamans, she decided that coconut shell is the way to go. She found a jeweler in Thrissur, Kerala who made beautiful pieces out of coconut shell. She got further convinced after meeting the jeweler when he spoke of how jewelry made out of coconuts pose no health hazards to the workman unlike the harm gold does. He also spoke of how people in Kerala should look at alternate material for jewelry and how coconut shell was a very versatile material that needed no polish for it to shine.
Elizabeth is not against gold jewelry but against the principle of plying the bride with gold to a point that it becomes obnoxious. Jewelry is meant to add beauty to the person wearing it and not engulf the person whole. The bridal jewelry is not a means to show off one’s wealth and she refused to be party to the trend.
With the support of her now husband Anthony Chandy and family she was a proud and regal bride who is a trend setter in her own right. Her wedding dress was the traditional mundu which she wore in a contemporary style with simple coconut shell jewelry. The girl born on world coconut day transformed into a beautiful bride.
I admire her courage and style since being from Kerala, I know the ire she must have encountered from a society that shames itself for not being able to provide copious amounts of gold to the bride and in some cases to the mother-in-law. If investment is the idea behind giving gold, then gold isn’t the only profitable means of investment. Silver appreciates much more than gold and is considered good investment. There are fixed deposits, life insurance schemes, mutual funds and land among others.
Brides-to-be, please take note – jewelry in the right amount and complimenting your dress looks good. Anything that is over done just looks plain ugly, even gold.
Pics courtesy Elizabeth Chandy
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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