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A comment on what has changed an year after Nirbhaya - while crime has not gone away, our response to rape as a crime has changed
Exactly a year, since the Nirbhaya Case made headlines and shocked us all from the despondent acceptance with which we accepted news reports of sexual crimes and rape; before her, there was always an attitude of ‘hota hai’ beneath every reading of similar news items. A sense that what happened to a rape victim was somehow removed from the truths of our own lives. That the horror faced by a victim of a sexual crime was something that could not happen to us.
It is precisely this pseudo-insulation of middle-India that has prevented change large and small, from happening.
But Nirbhaya was one of us, a girl who was a sister, daughter, friend, dreamer, optimist and somehow, represented our own struggles to rise above our circumstances and better ourselves. She was one of us, glaring at ‘eve-teasers’ at the nukkad in the day-time, dupatta-covered, downcast eyes after twilight, rushing to reach home in the rush hour traffic, edging away in crowds to avoid groping hands, studiously ignoring the hungry male gaze at work and in public, alert for stalkers, avoiding eye-contact with flashers and still, amidst this daily relentless struggle with half of the population of her world….dreaming of and striving for a better life for herself.
The cruelty and injustice of what happened to her and the tragedy of her passing away in spite of her courage was a symbol of what could and perhaps would happen to us any time in our lives, at work, during travel, at the hands of bosses, colleagues and in-laws, and in various forms.
So, our collective grief and anger rose like a volcano.
And, changed many things. It changed the justice system a little, the policing for such crimes a little more, and made us very aware of what many of our ”leaders’ thought of us (dented, painted, et al) and our struggles to be heard. It changed the politics of our capital.
But, now, a year on, as I read about more Nirbhayas, I wonder if anything has changed for us, for our sisters and our daughters. The male attitudes are the same. It will take a generation or more to do so.
What HAS changed is our attitude towards such crimes.
Nirbhaya broke the conspiracy of silence and showed us that talking about and coming forward to accuse the perpetrator was an act of courage. That it was not shameful to be a victim and that the shame is the perpetrators’ and not ours.
She has ignited an anger and righteous awareness of our rights, which now gives us dignity and self-respect.
We hold the memory of our sister, Nirbhaya in our hearts and pay homage to her by supporting our other sisters by standing by them when they need us. We live our lives to the fullest and fulfil her dreams by fulfilling our own.
Pic credit: Economic Times (From their slideshow of images from the 2012 protests in Delhi)
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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