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Do gender stereotypes silence the true voices of men too? On bringing up the boy child in India
Arundhati Venkatesh describes herself as a kid-lit enthusiast, an observer of life and people, a feminist, a minimalist and a compulsive maker of lists! An engineer by degree, and an IT professional in her previous life, she is now an aspiring writer. Arundhati works for an NGO.
The voices of women suffering abuse and oppression can be heard now. Finally.
What about the voices of men?
The voices of men call out to me. I have a father, a brother, a husband, a son, cousins, friends…
I hear them say, ‘We suffer too. Maybe not as much as you. But we do too.’
I know. I know they do.
Boys don’t cry.
Be a man.
Boys don’t talk.
Don’t be a sissy.
You have to be the breadwinner.
When you see a little boy sniffling, don’t tell him that boys don’t cry.
Don’t tell him to be a man. He is not. He’s a child.
Don’t let him hear anyone say ‘boys don’t talk’.
Give him a chance. Share. Be there.
When he says he wants to take up history, or research, or teach, don’t tell him he can’t.
Don’t tell him he has to be the breadwinner.
Don’t tell him what he should do, and what not to do.
When he gets emotional, don’t tell him he’s being a sissy.
Give him a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a listening ear, comforting words…
Don’t expect him to be a superhero. Let him be human.
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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