Do gender stereotypes silence the true voices of men too? On bringing up the boy child in India
Arundhati Venkatesh describes herself as a kid-lit enthusiast, an observer of life and people, a feminist, a minimalist and a compulsive maker of lists! An engineer by degree, and an IT professional in her previous life, she is now an aspiring writer. Arundhati works for an NGO.
The voices of women suffering abuse and oppression can be heard now. Finally.
What about the voices of men?
The voices of men call out to me. I have a father, a brother, a husband, a son, cousins, friends…
I hear them say, ‘We suffer too. Maybe not as much as you. But we do too.’
I know. I know they do.
Boys don’t cry.
Be a man.
Boys don’t talk.
Don’t be a sissy.
You have to be the breadwinner.
When you see a little boy sniffling, don’t tell him that boys don’t cry.
Don’t tell him to be a man. He is not. He’s a child.
Don’t let him hear anyone say ‘boys don’t talk’.
Give him a chance. Share. Be there.
When he says he wants to take up history, or research, or teach, don’t tell him he can’t.
Don’t tell him he has to be the breadwinner.
Don’t tell him what he should do, and what not to do.
When he gets emotional, don’t tell him he’s being a sissy.
Give him a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a listening ear, comforting words…
Don’t expect him to be a superhero. Let him be human.
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We are often told that our 'value' diminishes with each person we give ourselves to sexually, but I believe pleasurable, casual sex with full consent made me a better, more honest, and deeply caring person.
We are often told that our ‘value’ diminishes with each person we give ourselves to sexually, but I believe pleasurable, casual sex with full consent made me a better, more honest, and deeply caring person.
It was a regular afternoon, and we were having lunch on the bleachers in the basketball court at school, when the question was first posed. We could not have been older than eleven and in retrospect it feels like we may have been too young for this discussion, but at the time it seemed like a perfectly natural thing to discuss.
There are many, many girls like Seema who are stuck in loveless, abusive marriages; the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial.
Trigger Warning: This has domestic violence and may be triggering for survivors.
Why do so many men believe that a No is a Yes? We need to start with teaching boys that a No means No.
No, I tell my sonny boy, don’t do that, as he badgers the car, and looks up and smiles and oh what a cherubic smile and I take him in my arms for a tight squeeze as he continues to badger it some more.
No I tell my betu, come down, as he monkeys up the window bars and tugs at the curtains and I tell him to be careful as he might hurt himself; the curtain rings come apart as he pulls at it too hard, the second time in fifteen days, and I tell him betu stop, but he continues to climb, my monkey baby, my own Spiderman, what a storehouse of energy.
Two women - one who wonders if she should marry a possessive boyfriend, and another who wonders if she should have a child because of societal expectations. What would you say?
Two women – one who wonders if she should marry a possessive boyfriend, and another who wonders if she should have a child because of societal expectations. What would you say?
I am in a relationship. We are together for about 7 yrs now. And I want to know whether or not to continue the relationship to take it to the next level of marriage.