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Do gender stereotypes silence the true voices of men too? On bringing up the boy child in India
Arundhati Venkatesh describes herself as a kid-lit enthusiast, an observer of life and people, a feminist, a minimalist and a compulsive maker of lists! An engineer by degree, and an IT professional in her previous life, she is now an aspiring writer. Arundhati works for an NGO.
The voices of women suffering abuse and oppression can be heard now. Finally.
What about the voices of men?
The voices of men call out to me. I have a father, a brother, a husband, a son, cousins, friends…
I hear them say, ‘We suffer too. Maybe not as much as you. But we do too.’
I know. I know they do.
Boys don’t cry.
Be a man.
Boys don’t talk.
Don’t be a sissy.
You have to be the breadwinner.
When you see a little boy sniffling, don’t tell him that boys don’t cry.
Don’t tell him to be a man. He is not. He’s a child.
Don’t let him hear anyone say ‘boys don’t talk’.
Give him a chance. Share. Be there.
When he says he wants to take up history, or research, or teach, don’t tell him he can’t.
Don’t tell him he has to be the breadwinner.
Don’t tell him what he should do, and what not to do.
When he gets emotional, don’t tell him he’s being a sissy.
Give him a shoulder to cry on, a hug, a listening ear, comforting words…
Don’t expect him to be a superhero. Let him be human.
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Yuvaraj Shele, a small-time worker from Kolhapur, Maharashtra, did battle many odds and arranged for his mother Ratna’s wedding a few weeks ago. The main point that he put forth was that he felt his mother was lonely and saw the need for her to live happily.
A myth that goes without saying is that only a woman can understand another woman better. What happens when a man does understand what a woman goes through? Especially when the woman is his mother, that too when she is a widow?
This scene does remind of a few movies/web series where the daughter/son do realize their mother’s emotions and towards the end, they approve of their new relationship.
Just because they are married a husband isn’t entitled to be violent to his wife. Just because a man is "in love" with a woman, it doesn't give him a right to be violent.
Trigger Warning: This speaks of graphic details of violence against women and may be triggering for survivors.
Anger is a basic human emotion, just like happiness or being sad. One chooses his/her way of expressing that emotion. It is safe until that action stays within oneself.
What happens when that feeling is forced upon another? The former becomes the perpetrator, and the latter turns out to be the victim.
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