Why Me

When misfortune strikes, sometimes, asking 'why me' gets us no answer; reflections on a pregnancy that was not to be.

Guest Blogger Lavanya Sampath is a young working mum, an Indian living abroad, a budding entrepreneur and a singer. Music, arts and photography are her passion. In her own words, “I jot down my personal & professional experiences to reach out to women in similar situations.”

Lord Ganesha is known to be the Remover of obstacles. A few days ago was his birthday and tomorrow yours truly adds on another fold to her age.  As I pray to him for peace and sanity, I look back and see what the year has been like for me.

Started with standing on top of the world – literally – my year took off on a great note. A wonderful sea change saw a sea of emotions as well getting acquainted to a new place and a new lifestyle. With it came a new flavor of life, more time with my little daughter and seeing her speak full sentences, new travels, incredibly new cuisines, new people to meet and a new schedule to work on.

There were trying times as some of my plans changed and materialized into other long-term goals, but the exploration carried on non-stop.  But in all this, I did not see the mighty storm that was coming my way. A pleasant surprise of an addition to the family came on board and we were thrilled to bits. Our stars were thanked, the perfect timing for a sibling was cheered for and we were waiting with bated breath to confirm this news, so that we could share it with out near and dear ones.

sad womanBut Alas, Ganesha felt he had an obstacle or two to give us or rather nature took an unpleasant turn and gave us little choice but to be parted with our yet-to-be-touched little one(s) – they were twins!

Deep inside, I am crying, asking myself ‘Why me’?

I am unable to get my confidence back. I do not want to talk to people, anyone who knows my situation and wants to sympathize with me. All the great new changes that came in my life now seem like big mountains for me to climb. I am unable to get a grip of who I am and where I am in my life. All the great things that I can accomplish are just looming at me, as I do not have the strength to complete them.

Why does God choose just a few people to play with? Why are we given something so special and then asked to part with it? Why is it so hard to let go of something, which came so close to you and then eluded away? Why? Why?

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There is no end to my ‘Why’s!

I could have wallowed within myself as I have been doing last few days or I could share this experience with other women out there – either ways nobody other than our parents know about this. I did not write this article to get your sympathy for me.  I am writing this because I know there are people in similar situations out there with a huge baggage – wailing inside, blaming themselves and losing their nerves.

I do not have answer on what you should or should not do, but I sure do want to say that it will get better. As that’s the hope I have right now.

I wonder how I will spend my birthday this year – it is going to be tough to celebrate, but what a year it has been…….

Pic credit: Crystal Artwork (Used under a Creative Commons License)



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