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5 years ago, a lot of things used to upset me. An “incorrectly” loaded dishwasher, a snide remark, a relative/friend forgetting to wish us on an important occasion, bad food, irritating company… Then I went through infertility treatment. Faced the possibility of never having another baby to hold. Got pregnant, felt the baby move and got overwhelmed because a dream I had been afraid to dream came true. Then I lost my job, suffered a few side effects of hormone therapy during IVF, faced a few health scares and lost my dad rather unexpectedly.
All these misfortunes put things in perspective for me. I had lost my job but I was lucky we were financially stable enough for me to stay at home for a while and care for my younger daughter who was often falling sick at the daycare. I had hypertension, but at least it had been diagnosed early and was under check. The only event I could not find a positive side for was (and still is) my father’s death. But his death has taught me so much! It taught me how fickle life is. I have my husband and my children today. I could lose one of them tomorrow, or they could lose me. Keeping that in mind, is a correctly loaded dishwasher really that big of a deal? I learned to let go of things, to differentiate what mattered from what didn’t.
Even now some things do bother me. An incorrectly loaded dishwasher still makes my fingers itch to set it straight, but I can control that urge now. A gift that receives no thanks from the receiver still makes me wonder about their manners. Rude and unruly kids still make me grind my teeth and display a fake smile. But these things no longer make me want to express my opinions loud and clear. I have learned to keep a lid on my thoughts and opinions when expressing them isn’t going to accomplish anything except increase my own angst. At the same time, funnily enough, I have learned to speak my mind clearly when it is needed. I don’t hesitate in saying what I believe but I also have learned to say it more kindly and tactfully.
So what things upset you? And, more importantly, how do you handle them? Here is what I have learned regarding how to handle things that are upsetting.
Cee Kay is a mother of two girls, a networking professional, a cooking enthusiast and a resident of Norwalk, CT (USA), trying to peel herself off of her old doormat mode and transforming herself into read more...
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.