One Bond Ends With Another Beginning

How did you feel about the end of pregnancy? Even as the bond of motherhood continues, did you miss being pregnant? Vidhya Devanathan for December’s writing theme, ‘Endings’.

Vidhya in her own words: I am a home-maker and a mother of 2 kids aged 5 and 2. I love reading and telling stories to my kids.

Endings are always a valued experience. Whether it be the end of the night or of the day, the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder….This is  the story of one such “Ending”, which left me with a mixed bag of emotions.

The gift of motherhood came to me after a long wait (though, now when I look back 4 years doesn’t seem too long). Due to my complicated pregnancy, I did not have all the fun that is available to some mothers. It was the ‘hospital-check/up-home-back to hospital’ kind. But I did have my share of enjoyment during those moments which only a mother with her first child can experience.

The novelty of feeling the kicks of the baby and that of seeing the baby in different postures during the scan never seemed to wear off. When the date of my C-section was fixed it was a strange feeling for me. I brushed it off thinking it was just my nerves.

The day of the C-section dawned.  I was taken to the OT. My tension was gradually reaching its peak. Thankfully I had a very friendly medical team around me. I was sedated. The local anesthesia worked its magic. I began to relax. For the first time I felt the importance of something which was going to end right then. I was cut open. I witnessed the process as though it was happening to someone else. The bump in my belly was pushed down. And then I heard it – his first cry. My son was out.

I couldn’t express my feelings. I thought it was the numbness of joy. But in my heart I knew – something had ended there. It was our one to one bond. Till then he alone knew how my heart beat and only I could feel his presence inside me. To everyone else it was a heard fact, but for us it was an existing reality. At that moment I wished I had kept him inside me for a few more days to enjoy the companionship which no one else could share.

Since that first moment of holding my son in my hand I have had many splendid times with him. But I still long for that one to one bond which ended on that fine day and gave way for a new beginning of life long attachment.

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Pic credit: MyTudut (Used under a Creative Commons license)

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