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A woman writing about sexuality is unthought in our society. However, breaking that mould is the author who writes about sexuality and foray into BDSM
A woman writing about sexuality is still rare in our society. However, breaking that mould is this author who writes about BDSM and also shares what she learnt from such writing.
When I first wrote my books about BDSM, I wasn’t very clear about why I was writing about sexuality. The only thing I knew for certain was that I wasn’t coming from a place where I would either evangelise or condemn sexuality. I knew for sure that this was more from a place of “I want to share my story authentically”.
Unlike common belief, I was not a battered woman, nor clueless about what I wanted. I was very clear that I was submissive despite conditioning and not because of it.
At the same time, I was also equally clear that I made my sexual choices because I wanted to make them and not because they were taught to me. I was further clear that the only way to dispel myths that surround BDSM as a choice by a woman, was openly writing and speaking about it.
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So, I wrote. I wrote the books first and then I wrote on websites. I wrote my own blog, I wrote on Facebook, I also contributed as a columnist. Some of the platforms I wrote for were a platform for lesbian & bisexual Indian women. There was another platform that talks about reproductive and sexual health issues. as well as a well known sex toy portal called IMBesharam.
Here are the key things I learnt in the process.
All niches of writing that need you to draw from your personal experience demand a lot of vulnerability. However, the taboo attached to open discussions about one’s sexual encounters, experiences demands far more vulnerability if you want your writing to be authentic.
A lot of people who read my work, think I’m an easily available slut. When I tell them a no for a BDSM session or sex, they get offended. They try to bully me, they call me names or criticise my looks.
They, however, conveniently seem to forget that they were attracted to the same me, till a few hours ago (till the point I had not said a no to them).
Whether you like it or not, writing about sexuality is a political statement you make. Whether you talk about sex toys, LGBTQIA+ issues, about BDSM, or even personal experiences, you are making a choice to break the pattern of shame around intimate conversations. More so, if you’re a woman.
So when you write about sexuality, no matter how much you speak about personal issues, it’s always a political statement you make.
Sexuality is one genre where you cannot copy-paste, or recycle another person’s work. There is absolutely no possibility of manipulating how you feel. Though there can be a moralistic attitude towards it sometimes, it is still an okay place to start with.
The more you write, the more your readers will be able to give you an input. Also, the more you write, the you will be able to observe it objectively.
As a result, it allows you to overcome even your own biases.
When I write about sexuality from experiences and observations about my own life, I receive responses from other women who want to come out with their truth. As a result, not only is my writing relieving for myself, but also empowering for others.
To summarise, my journey as a woman writer in the space of sexuality has taught me a lot about myself and about others. As I continue the journey, I will keep bringing more insights to you.
Picture credits: Pixabay
Asmi is an active BDSM practitioner, lifestyle coach based in India, a writer and a vocal, empowering person, who experiments actively with BDSM, feminism, LGBT, sexuality and erotica. She is very active in several real- read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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