Dear Men, How Does My Staying Single By Choice Become Your Problem?

Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.

We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?

A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.

We want an equal partnership… which Indian marriages are not!

Let’s examine this a little closer.

We all have at one point in our lives been a huge K-Drama enthusiast. We loved how the men written by women in these dramas challenged the traditional roles in heterosexual relationships. Surprisingly, Korea has been a victim of its patriarchal mindset causing women to embrace singlehood over marriage. The popular 4B Movement and the recent decline in the nation’s fertility rate, have been the effect of women not succumbing to societal norms. Korean women have been showing the government and society that they don’t want to take up additional responsibilities until there is an equal partnership in real terms.

And rightly so, women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. Instead, they need someone for companionship and not just someone to grow old with. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths. This is why women across the globe have become more mindful of whom they partner up with.

Most single women feel secure in themselves… and men don’t like that!

Some men are often intimidated by the ability of a woman to stay secure as a single person. A lot of men don’t find enough emotional support in their circle. On top of that they are in a cutthroat competition with their peers. They feel secure when they are part of the pack. Being part of a pack means, abiding by the societal norms that favor them. This is why some insecure men target single women in a way to feel good about themselves. It’s the projection of their insecurities that causes them to tell us, “Hurry up! Your biological clock is ticking!!!”

I believe just like sexuality, partnering up, having kids, types of relationships a person wants to pursue are all about an individual’s choice and so we should let it be that way. Each individual understands how they are and what works best for them. It shouldn’t be any other problem or cause of worry. Single or not, men and women, should be allowed to be and do what they want to do. We are all here to live a life that best suits our needs and serves our purpose. Let’s help each other to thrive in the best way possible and not make others’ lives miserable by asking questions that serve no purpose.


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About the Author

Anjali Sreedharen

Avid reader and a retired overthinker. I believe that if there is one magic that is untamed in this world, then it is in the magic of words! read more...

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