Defying Norms and Embracing Independence: A Tale of Joint Family Dynamics

How challenging can it be to live within a joint family structure? It can be quite challenging. Particularly, when you’re the eldest child, and even more so if you’re a girl. The weight of expectations from being the eldest child intensifies, as you’re also responsible for safeguarding the family’s pride. Every single action you take, whether it’s your choice of attire or your demeanor, undergoes scrutiny from 5 to 6 family members, on a recurring basis. This scrutiny stems from a desire for your betterment; it’s believed that if you display obedience, the younger kids will follow suit. The weight of these responsibilities and the family’s pride falls disproportionately upon the eldest daughter in such cases.

It truly makes me wonder how an individual raised in such circumstances could ever make decisions without the watchful eyes of the elders. How can they navigate their path in life, recognize warning signs in a partner, or differentiate between genuine care and toxic possessiveness?

Finding oneself in this situation proves to be exceedingly demanding. The obligation to seek permission or inform every family member about one’s plans – the what, where, and why – is draining. The effort to keep everyone informed and content can be overwhelming. In such a scenario, it’s not uncommon for a person to struggle with saying “no,” as their personal boundaries are seldom taken seriously within their family circle. This can lead to becoming a people-pleaser, which can be detrimental.

From my perspective, individuals caught in such situations must take steps towards independence. While I acknowledge that I cannot fully comprehend their daily challenges, I firmly believe that they can take action. This action involves not just financial independence, but also mental autonomy. Strive for independence not only in financial matters but also in matters of the mind. Liberate yourself from the shackles of familial opinions. Admittedly, this is easier said than done, but perhaps it’s worth considering. Please understand that I don’t intend for my words to advocate disrespect towards parents, nor am I urging negative perceptions of them. My intention is solely to encourage an understanding that they are distinct individuals, entitled to their viewpoints. It’s perfectly acceptable for your opinion to differ from theirs.

It will be hard at first, as you have been listening to their thoughts and opinions since birth, but it’s also important to realize that you are not them. You are not their opinions, and you don’t have to be defined by them. You are your own person, and you have the power to choose. So, please prioritize yourself. Formulate your own opinions about yourself and embrace them boldly. It’s okay if your opinions don’t align with theirs. Remember, these are your thoughts—mold them positively and shape them as you wish. And here’s the liberating truth: you don’t need anyone’s permission to shape your opinions.

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