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How challenging can it be to live within a joint family structure? It can be quite challenging. Particularly, when you’re the eldest child, and even more so if you’re a girl. The weight of expectations from being the eldest child intensifies, as you’re also responsible for safeguarding the family’s pride. Every single action you take, whether it’s your choice of attire or your demeanor, undergoes scrutiny from 5 to 6 family members, on a recurring basis. This scrutiny stems from a desire for your betterment; it’s believed that if you display obedience, the younger kids will follow suit. The weight of these responsibilities and the family’s pride falls disproportionately upon the eldest daughter in such cases.
It truly makes me wonder how an individual raised in such circumstances could ever make decisions without the watchful eyes of the elders. How can they navigate their path in life, recognize warning signs in a partner, or differentiate between genuine care and toxic possessiveness?
Finding oneself in this situation proves to be exceedingly demanding. The obligation to seek permission or inform every family member about one’s plans – the what, where, and why – is draining. The effort to keep everyone informed and content can be overwhelming. In such a scenario, it’s not uncommon for a person to struggle with saying “no,” as their personal boundaries are seldom taken seriously within their family circle. This can lead to becoming a people-pleaser, which can be detrimental.
From my perspective, individuals caught in such situations must take steps towards independence. While I acknowledge that I cannot fully comprehend their daily challenges, I firmly believe that they can take action. This action involves not just financial independence, but also mental autonomy. Strive for independence not only in financial matters but also in matters of the mind. Liberate yourself from the shackles of familial opinions. Admittedly, this is easier said than done, but perhaps it’s worth considering. Please understand that I don’t intend for my words to advocate disrespect towards parents, nor am I urging negative perceptions of them. My intention is solely to encourage an understanding that they are distinct individuals, entitled to their viewpoints. It’s perfectly acceptable for your opinion to differ from theirs.
It will be hard at first, as you have been listening to their thoughts and opinions since birth, but it’s also important to realize that you are not them. You are not their opinions, and you don’t have to be defined by them. You are your own person, and you have the power to choose. So, please prioritize yourself. Formulate your own opinions about yourself and embrace them boldly. It’s okay if your opinions don’t align with theirs. Remember, these are your thoughts—mold them positively and shape them as you wish. And here’s the liberating truth: you don’t need anyone’s permission to shape your opinions.
I am Ekta Sati, born & brought up in a very peaceful and beautiful city, Rishikesh. I am an admirer of nature and loves to spend my time on the riverside and in the forests. read more...
This post has published with none or minimal editorial intervention. Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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