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A number of educated Indian men, see their mother's lives as the profile of the typical married Indian woman, home bound and dependent. And search for bride outside the country!
My daughter just moved to a hostel and is now facing the real world.
Out of their comfort zone, she realizes how life is different for girls her age. There are girls studying for various reasons, some for professional success and others to just find a path to freedom, away from the social mess at home and the rest for marriage.
Every day I hear stories where their moms are calling the girls to guide them on must-do temple visits (nothing wrong with going to temples) and discuss mom-in-law troubles and similar social issues. Their thought process and personalities are shaped by the experiences of their mothers at home.
Does this help the girls? I wonder! It surely shapes their future choices, relationships and thought processes.
I wonder more because I see an alarming trend in the Indian social space. Educated young men from middle-class backgrounds, from our hinterlands, are increasingly marrying foreign women.
Nothing wrong! The Indian male is globe-trotting, but it is worth closely looking at why Indian women are not the first choice of young Indian men.
From what I see, I believe we need to give our girls some more space, freedom and decision-making capabilities. We need to support them even if they make mistakes. We need to make them independent and financially sound.
As for the majority of Indian men, they see their mother’s lives as the profile of the typical married Indian woman, homebound and dependent. They choose non-Indian brides as their life partners in hopes of finding: a modern, liberated, stylish, partner, some maybe also marry as a way to gain citizenship in some countries, running away from social drama in India.
The opposite has proven to be true, where forefinger brides have taken Indian citizenship as well, and loved our culture.
If not a foreigner, it is a Dollar bahu that is their idea of modernity and liberation! Whether the young women these men marry are truly modern and progressive, only time can tell. In most cases, sooner or later, regressive mindsets can come in form be it someone’s jeans or saree or dhoti or suits!
Relationships and family ties are undergoing a phenomenal change in middle-class Indian homes. The young are travelling unexplored, new roads.
Image source: UniQue clicks by Soham, via Pexels, free and edited on CanvaPro
Born in small town India to professional parents in an age when working women were a rarity. Grew up among the bright,liberal and educated minds, who valued education, freedom for women, character and values. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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