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Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who want to find a life partner. But this is changing.
Disclaimer: Marriage is a choice. Marriage is an option. It need not be a woman’s goal or a “should/must” in anyone’s life. This list to find a life partner is an opinion, and a learning from experience. Sharing here, hoping it will help another sister.
“You are next!”
“When are you going to treat us to good food and celebration?”
“All your school friends are married know?”
“You have a job now, it’s time to let your parents fulfill their duties and retire.”
If you are hearing a lot of this, then you are subtly (not so subtly most times) being nudged into marriage.
Marriage is a decision that will change your life, but finding a life partner who’s right for you can make all the difference. As a young girl, who has completed her education or a woman in a stable job exploring herself and dreaming about a future, the decision of finding a life partner to marry can be very daunting.
Marriages in India are overrated. It is about everything- food, entertainment, glamour, drama, and everything else in between. Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who are taking their next big step in life. But thanks to the current generations, this theme is changing and drawn to be more about the couple. (Read, a lot of shouting, tears, and arguments the young are doing to make marriages their way).
Although women are bribed by the glitz and glamour of marriage, it is the step before that which is the most important decision in their lives.
From time immemorial, a checklist has been marketed and in many ways enforced on women. A checklist most probably made by our patriarchal society. It goes something like this,
Although this seems like a checklist girls and women should expect, it was more a ‘things you should be grateful for’ list. A list that apparently fulfilled before marriage would somehow dissolve into nothingness, giving women the ‘adjust a little’ fixed answer to every question.
But, the times have changed and so should the checklist too. Right?
The new generation of girls and women have different expectations of marriage. Women today, have a voice and would most definitely like to have a choice in their present and future. Finding the ideal partner who understands they are not a commodity and he/she doesn’t own them nor can control them. A marriage is a partnership between two people, who know each other’s interests, goals, and dreams.
Here is a new age ready checklist to find the ideal partner
The only way to change things is to change the narrative, the outlook, and the acceptance of it.
Start this year by valuing yourself and rejecting the patriarchal norms of sexism and gender norms. Find a partner with whom you can share your happiness, dreams, and life without compromising who you are.
Love thyself sister, more than you love your partner.
Image source: a still from the Marathi series Aata Kay Hawa
Feminist, Ecopreneur & a Zerowaste aspirant. Believes that my life purpose is to influence people to be ecofriendly and to help the girls/women of the future be more free - in who they are, what read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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