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Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who want to find a life partner. But this is changing.
Disclaimer: Marriage is a choice. Marriage is an option. It need not be a woman’s goal or a “should/must” in anyone’s life. This list to find a life partner is an opinion, and a learning from experience. Sharing here, hoping it will help another sister.
“You are next!”
“When are you going to treat us to good food and celebration?”
“All your school friends are married know?”
“You have a job now, it’s time to let your parents fulfill their duties and retire.”
If you are hearing a lot of this, then you are subtly (not so subtly most times) being nudged into marriage.
Marriage is a decision that will change your life, but finding a life partner who’s right for you can make all the difference. As a young girl, who has completed her education or a woman in a stable job exploring herself and dreaming about a future, the decision of finding a life partner to marry can be very daunting.
Marriages in India are overrated. It is about everything- food, entertainment, glamour, drama, and everything else in between. Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who are taking their next big step in life. But thanks to the current generations, this theme is changing and drawn to be more about the couple. (Read, a lot of shouting, tears, and arguments the young are doing to make marriages their way).
Although women are bribed by the glitz and glamour of marriage, it is the step before that which is the most important decision in their lives.
From time immemorial, a checklist has been marketed and in many ways enforced on women. A checklist most probably made by our patriarchal society. It goes something like this,
Although this seems like a checklist girls and women should expect, it was more a ‘things you should be grateful for’ list. A list that apparently fulfilled before marriage would somehow dissolve into nothingness, giving women the ‘adjust a little’ fixed answer to every question.
But, the times have changed and so should the checklist too. Right?
The new generation of girls and women have different expectations of marriage. Women today, have a voice and would most definitely like to have a choice in their present and future. Finding the ideal partner who understands they are not a commodity and he/she doesn’t own them nor can control them. A marriage is a partnership between two people, who know each other’s interests, goals, and dreams.
Here is a new age ready checklist to find the ideal partner
The only way to change things is to change the narrative, the outlook, and the acceptance of it.
Start this year by valuing yourself and rejecting the patriarchal norms of sexism and gender norms. Find a partner with whom you can share your happiness, dreams, and life without compromising who you are.
Love thyself sister, more than you love your partner.
Image source: a still from the Marathi series Aata Kay Hawa
Feminist, Ecopreneur & a Zerowaste aspirant. Believes that my life purpose is to influence people to be ecofriendly and to help the girls/women of the future be more free - in who they are, what read more...
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I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
Why is the Social Media trend of young mothers of boys captioning their parenting video “Dear future Daughter-in-Law, you are welcome” deeply problematic and disturbing to me as a young mother of a girl?
I have recently come across a trend on social media started by young mothers of boys who share videos where they teach their sons to be sensitive and understanding and also make them actively participate in household chores.
However, the problematic part of this trend is that such reels or videos are almost always captioned, “To my future daughter-in-law, you are welcome.” I know your intentions are positive, but I would like to point out how you are failing the very purpose you wanted to accomplish by captioning the videos like this.
I know you are hurt—perhaps by a domestic household that lacks empathy, by a partner who either is emotionally unavailable, is a man-child adding to your burden of parenting instead of sharing it, or who is simply backed by overprotective and abusive in-laws who do not understand the tiring journey of a working woman left without any rest as doing the household chores timely is her responsibility only.
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