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Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who want to find a life partner. But this is changing.
Disclaimer: Marriage is a choice. Marriage is an option. It need not be a woman’s goal or a “should/must” in anyone’s life. This list to find a life partner is an opinion, and a learning from experience. Sharing here, hoping it will help another sister.
“You are next!”
“When are you going to treat us to good food and celebration?”
“All your school friends are married know?”
“You have a job now, it’s time to let your parents fulfill their duties and retire.”
If you are hearing a lot of this, then you are subtly (not so subtly most times) being nudged into marriage.
Marriage is a decision that will change your life, but finding a life partner who’s right for you can make all the difference. As a young girl, who has completed her education or a woman in a stable job exploring herself and dreaming about a future, the decision of finding a life partner to marry can be very daunting.
Marriages in India are overrated. It is about everything- food, entertainment, glamour, drama, and everything else in between. Indian marriages are about everything and everyone except the two people who are taking their next big step in life. But thanks to the current generations, this theme is changing and drawn to be more about the couple. (Read, a lot of shouting, tears, and arguments the young are doing to make marriages their way).
Although women are bribed by the glitz and glamour of marriage, it is the step before that which is the most important decision in their lives.
From time immemorial, a checklist has been marketed and in many ways enforced on women. A checklist most probably made by our patriarchal society. It goes something like this,
Although this seems like a checklist girls and women should expect, it was more a ‘things you should be grateful for’ list. A list that apparently fulfilled before marriage would somehow dissolve into nothingness, giving women the ‘adjust a little’ fixed answer to every question.
But, the times have changed and so should the checklist too. Right?
The new generation of girls and women have different expectations of marriage. Women today, have a voice and would most definitely like to have a choice in their present and future. Finding the ideal partner who understands they are not a commodity and he/she doesn’t own them nor can control them. A marriage is a partnership between two people, who know each other’s interests, goals, and dreams.
Here is a new age ready checklist to find the ideal partner
The only way to change things is to change the narrative, the outlook, and the acceptance of it.
Start this year by valuing yourself and rejecting the patriarchal norms of sexism and gender norms. Find a partner with whom you can share your happiness, dreams, and life without compromising who you are.
Love thyself sister, more than you love your partner.
Image source: a still from the Marathi series Aata Kay Hawa
Feminist, Ecopreneur & a Zerowaste aspirant. Believes that my life purpose is to influence people to be ecofriendly and to help the girls/women of the future be more free - in who they are, what read more...
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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