Starting A New Business? 7 Key Points To Keep In Mind.
No matter how educated they are, how open-minded they tend to be, somewhere deep inside the poison of patriarchy has seeped into all women, and it oozes out once in a while.
It was time for promotions and salary hikes. My son, my daughter-in-law, and I were looking forward to our increase in income.
When we were casually chatting over a coffee, my daughter-in-law looked worried. When I asked for the reason, she said, “I am worried that I may get a huge promotion and may start earning more than my husband”. This came as a shocker because she is not a person who thinks in those terms of husband/wife definitions. She has fought and rebelled to get her rights.
Our society has done a good job of indoctrinating the girls. No matter how educated they are, how open-minded they tend to be, somewhere deep inside the poison of patriarchy has seeped in and it oozes out once in a while.
“That is a good thing right?” I asked.
“Nooo,” said the girl without even knowing the reason why she shouldn’t be earning more than her husband.
“Why? Why should your salary be less than that of your husband? Do you think he will feel bad if you earn more than him?” I had high hopes for this girl, that she would realize that she has been made to believe in something which actually did not exist.
It also made me go back to my early days of marriage when my husband wanted to “keep me safe, protect me, and care for me” by stopping me from studying further and not allowing me to pursue a career. Later in life, when I passed those words through the prism of truth, it turned out to be, “I am afraid if you pursue a career, you will be earning more than me. You may not need me nor will you respect me. I want you to be dependent on me so that I can be your superior and your boss”.
Unfortunately, life brought in so many challenges that he could not hold on to being a caretaker and keep me as his dependent. I got pushed to pursue a career when I was going through cancer. But, he was right about one thing, I could easily be more successful than him in any profession I got into. Be it in education, job, or business, I could do better than him.
The funniest part of the whole drama is that he knew it all the time, it was me who did not realize my own potential or me who played down my own strength so that he would feel good about himself.
It is not just orgasm that women fake. They fake need, helplessness, and inferiority to the person they are married to because they believe that is the right thing to do.
Meanwhile, in the present day, my daughter-in-law replied, “No, Rayyan (her husband) is very encouraging and doesn’t feel bothered by what I earn. It is me, who does not want to earn more than him. I am not even sure whether it will happen or not, but I am already worried”.
That sentence coming from a young lady shows the damage our societal system has done to one gender.
Girls are made to be that they should never be better than their husbands in anything other than
Our society will never digest a man cleaning, cooking, looking better, or being younger than his wife. Or earning less – as this thought coming from my otherwise feminist DIL showed me.
I have tried my best to detox my daughter-in-law about this particular toxin that has gotten into her. I am not sure how successful I have been. I don’t want everyone to learn from their own experience as I did. Some have to learn from history.
Image source: kzenon Free for Canva Pro
I am Farida Rizwan, 55, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am ardent blogger @www.chaptersfrommylife.com and share my life experiences of surviving breast cancer 3rd stage for read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Most of my women clients are caregivers—as mothers, wives and daughters. And so, they tend to feel guilty about their ambitions. Belief in themselves is hard to come by.
* All names mentioned in the article have been changed to respect client confidentiality.
“I don’t want to take a pay cut and accept the offer, but everyone around me is advising me to take up what comes my way,” Tanya* told me over the phone while I was returning home from the New Delhi World Book Fair. “Should I take it up?” She summed up her dilemma and paused.
I have been coaching Tanya for the past three months. She wants to change her industry, and we have been working together on a career transition roadmap.
Asking women of the office to welcome guests with bouquets at business and social events is blatant tokenism and sexism at the same time!
Asking women to welcome guests with bouquets at business and social events is blatant tokenism and sexism at the same time!
Why is the task of handing over bouquets to dignitaries at social and business events primarily a feminine task?
This question nags me endlessly. I cringe at the sight of women waiting in a loosely formed queue at the steps leading up to the stage at these events.
Please enter your email address