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And to think, these are some of the rare cases that got some publicity. There must be so many more suicides among trans persons that aren't reported.
Trigger Warning: This speaks of transphobia, homophobia, depression and suicide, and can be triggering for survivors.
“Karnataka Trans Woman Seeks Euthanasia (mercy killing); Why?” read a news caption in September.
Euthanasia for me has always been a sensitive subject, how heartbreaking would it be for someone to plead for a loved one’s death? I mean it would take such immense restrain to take this decision, and the slightest ray of hope, a faint light of survival would bring a change of heart altogether.
And here she is, requesting the authorities to end her life. A young healthy woman, all of but twenty-two years. It seems she was in fact advised by some people in higher positions, to go ahead and commit suicide. Or sell her body if nothing else worked.
And her fault? She was different, she wasn’t always a woman.
When she realized she was a woman trapped in a man’s body, she decided to come out.
Shunned cruelly by her own family, she traveled to another state, and underwent two sex reassignment surgeries from Bengaluru, spending over Rs 3 lakh. Following the surgeries, she decided to build a life of dignity by pursuing a decent job. She approached several institutions, including hospitals and textile stores in Bengaluru, Mysuru, and Coimbatore for a job, but all to no avail. She was turned away every time, citing her gender.
She joined a coaching institute to pursue some courses, but she was constantly mocked and estranged by her classmates. She could not even find a home to live in as no one was willing to offer a rented house for her, because, even if someone agreed, the neighbors would complain she was a bad influence on children and families.
The only options she was left with, were to either beg on the streets or go into sex work, both of which she found deplorable. She could seek refuge at a shelter, but why, she argues. She’s smart and educated, why couldn’t she be employed and independent like everyone else? If society finds her unacceptable, she’ll return her life to society, she states.
Delving a little deep into the matter, I understand this isn’t an isolated case. In fact, there had been another trans woman seeking self-death for similar reasons, in April. She, a brilliant student, a post-graduate, and a popular professor, lost everything because she decided to live in a body which she identified with. If she couldn’t live in dignity, at least grant her a dignified death, she pleads.
In our country, where rapists and murderers walk free, corruption and adultery go unpunished, and power and position influence court verdicts, innocent women like these two bear the brunt of harassment and rejection from all around. Responsible citizens, educated, going about their business, harming none, but chastised for daring to live a life of their choice. And to think, these are some rare cases that got noticed, there must be just so many suicides that haven’t been reported.
There are A-list actors fearlessly playing homosexual and trans persons. There is definitely more awareness and acceptance. But is the ground reality different?
For example, why is a trans person never chosen to portray themselves in our movies? It’s always a heterosexual person who does the job, in fact glamourizing it no end. I have also observed that most of the time in mainstream cinema, the homosexual character is included to add to the mystery or some adult content.
The pain of gender reassignment surgeries, the medication, the confusion, the difficulty in going ahead with the decision, the financial factor,… in fact everything truly significant is overlooked for creating the romantic angle and the oomph quotient.
Even if I keep the media part aside, in our daily lives, how many of us teach acceptance to our children? Unintentionally perhaps, but do we not advise our children to maintain distance from ‘different’ people? We might take pride in ourselves for “being emancipated”, but tomorrow if our own kids confide about a different sexual orientation, would we give in so easily? It’s one thing to watch on tv, but wouldn’t we as parents, try getting them to change themselves?
Gender equality should be talked about more often, not only as equal opportunities for women but for all genders. Textbooks in particular should have sections devoted to transgender studies, just so everything gets normalized and young students don’t feel that they are a taboo. Sex education, which is still not a part of the curriculum in many parts of India, should be made compulsory, wherein, LGBTQIA+ identities should be freely discussed. All this might perhaps help tackle the unnecessary shame associated and create a more humane generation.
If you or anyone you know is feeling depressed or suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669 Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050 Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704 Sahai, Bangalore: 080-25497777 Roshni, Hyderabad: 040-66202000, 040-66202001 SPEAK2us – Tamilnadu 9375493754
Image source: Tinnakorn Jorruang from Getty Images Free for Canva Pro
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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