Starting A New Business? 7 Key Points To Keep In Mind.
We have all been through that panic when we expect guests over. We fret over little things: the dust under the sofa, the dog hair or the pile of unfolded clothes on the bed. Yet, do we remember any of these things when we visit those we love.
“You are not a failure because you can’t keep up with laundry. Laundry is morally neutral.” ― KC Davis, How to Keep House While Drowning: 31 Days of Compassionate Help
A few months ago, my mother and I were chatting over the phone. I told her that we were having people over and that I had to clean the house. I told her that I always felt judged in such situations.
My mother said, ‘Well, are they visiting you or your home?’
Indeed!
Her statement suddenly made things so much clearer, just like they always do. I admired her courage in saying the exact thing that I wanted to say, but felt guilty about admitting, either to myself or aloud.
We have all been through that panic when we expect guests over. We fret over little things: the dust under the sofa, the dog hair or the pile of unfolded clothes on the bed.
Yet, do we remember any of these things when we visit those we love?
No!
We only think of those lovely moments spent together, the taste of the food served and how lovely it felt to pet their dog. Why do we, then, see our house as an extension of ourselves and aim for perfection, knowing perfectly well that it doesn’t exist?
Contrary to popular belief, the state of your home is not a reflection of your personality. It took me many years to understand, and I sincerely hope I’ve learnt it for good.
Life events like marriage, death, financial stress, birth of a child, conditions like depression or physical ailments like arthritis can make it extremely difficult to keep a clean home.
While many of can afford help, those who cannot should not treat it as a personal failing.
Think of it, when you think of a loving grandmother, do you think of the state of her home or the seemingly infinite love she had for you? A house is just bricks and mortar, it’s the people within that make it a home.
Keeping a clean home should help you live your life better, not because someone else will like it that way. Home organization and upkeep should work for those who live in it, not for those who visit once in a while.
We all have different perspectives on beauty and life, so why should it be any different for houses? Women should not feel pressured to have a certain standard of cleanliness, dictated by someone else.
A few cobwebs here and there do not make me feel less than as a homemaker.
A disorganized drawer is not the end of the world, and it’s not a matter of shame. It will get organized, just like order is born from chaos, every day.
I highly recommend reading ‘Keeping Home While Drowning’, a book by K C Davis. The book reminds you of the basic fact that ‘You don\’t work for your home, your home works for you’. True, isn’t it?
It is important to find systems that work for the people who live in the house. Clean your house if you feel like, but do it, so you feel good. Do it to live in a decluttered space that brings YOU peace of mind. Do it to feel good about the space you inhabit.
If you want your guests to sleep on freshly laundered sheets, remind yourself that it’s that intention of yours to make them comfortable that makes you special, not the sheets!
If you didn’t get the time to do that because you were working or your baby was crying, give yourself a break. You don’t have to apologize profusely for the state of your home at the doorway.
Like I said, your intention matters! If your guest cannot be gracious about it, remind yourself of what my mother said. It works like a charm. Every single time.
Image source: Valereii Apetroaiei via Getty Images, free on Canva Pro
Vaidehi is a teacher and mentor who is extremely passionate about pedagogy, writing and the arts. read more...
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There are many mountains I need to climb just to be, just to live my life, just to have my say... because they are mountains you've built to oppress women.
Trigger Warning: This deals with various kinds of violence against women including rape, and may be triggering for survivors.
I haven’t climbed a literal mountain yet Was busy with the metaphorical ones – born a woman Fighting for the air that should have come free And I am one of the privileged ones, I realize that
Yet, if I get passionate, just like you do I will pay for it – with burden, shame, – and possibly a life to carry So, my mountains are the laws you overturn My mountains are the empty shelves where there should have been pills
When people picked my dadi to place her on the floor, the sheet on why she lay tore. The caretaker came to me and said, ‘Just because you touched her, one of the men carrying her lost his balance.’
The death of my grandmother shattered me. We shared a special bond – she made me feel like I was the best in the world, perfect in every respect.
Apart from losing a person who I loved, her death was also a rude awakening for me about the discrimination women face when it comes to performing the last rites of their loved ones.
On January 23 this year, I lost my 95 year old grandmother (dadi) Nirmala Devi to cardiac arrest. She was that one person who unabashedly praised me. The evening before her death she praised the tea I had made and said that I make better tea than my brother (my brother and I are always competing about who makes the best chai).
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