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I couldn’t bring myself to hurry through her book. I was like a cow chewing cud, and ruminating and collecting some amazing quotes in the process.
Divorce is a word that conjures the image of two individuals baring their fangs at each other. Ugly with a custody battle if there is a child involved; we have heard stories of quite a bit of mud-slinging and “he said..she said,” scenarios.
But here is a personal account of Dr. Ranjani Rao’s book Rewriting My Happily Ever After.
This story is honest, raw, and poignant, yet not shrill, beginning each chapter of her journey with an amazingly apt quote. I couldn’t bring myself to hurry through her book. I was like a cow chewing cud, and ruminating and collecting some amazing quotes in the process.
Despite her obvious struggle of self-doubt, loneliness, and trying to handle all duties and responsibilities of a single, working mother, she takes time for self-care as she takes a leaf from the poet Maggie Smith’s “beauty emergency” to describe moments when you have to stop everything and look.
As I flipped through the pages my respect for Ranjani only grew for she refused to use her daughter as a pawn against her husband. She says candidly, “He was the fun dad, I was the dull mom. The strict mom. The all-business mom. I knew that Shreya needed both of us because we were so different.”
When she wrote, “A large part of my childhood had been about doing things because it was expected, not because I wanted to do it. From being on my best behavior to please parents to being diligent at school to impress teachers, life had been a series of keeping up appearances,” she was speaking for an entire generation. Entering an arranged marriage and trying to give it all, was also keeping in line with expectations.
I was left moist-eyed when she wrote about the day the divorce after nineteen years of marriage was final. “It was a day filled with relief and grief in equal measure. I mourned for the fact that we would not create memories together. I rejoiced for the fact that we would not create more memories together.”
When she ended her memoir with, “Like a child building a brand new toy with a heap of Lego blocks, I reassembled the useful pieces from the debris of my old life with patience, persistence, and a strong belief that a better life was possible. In doing so, I was able to reveal a new avatar of myself,” I couldn’t but cheer the woman who emerged from the experience of a soured marriage, but did not allow the experience to sour her life.
There had been lots of factors that had helped her in this journey of hers, but what remained with me besides not accepting the words of another as her own personal truth, were her words when she goes an extra mile to help her colleague, “I had put aside my burden at least for a moment. I had seen another’s pain. And that had made all the difference.” She further adds a quote from Paulo Coelho to drive home the point, You drown not by falling into a river but by staying submerged in it.
The honesty with which she had penned the memoir was a revelation by itself. It is also reflective of most of us when we are handling difficult situations in our own life. At one point, she ruminates, “I had lost the anonymity that comes with conformity. It was humbling to realize that I was being myopic and as judgemental as everyone I liked to accuse. It was me who had labeled my situation as being non-conforming and therefore an object of curiosity.”
At another juncture, she says, “Like an intermission during a long movie, I was waiting for my ‘real’ life to resume. I had never penciled in such a detour in any list I had made for my life.”
I would strongly recommend this book to everyone who is undertaking this journey called life if not for anything else, to learn from the quotes!
Published here first.
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Image source: a still from the film Thappad, and book cover Amazon
Chandrika R Krishnan, a Bengaluru-based writer and educationist likes all things beginning with a ‘T’ - talking, teaching, tales and tea. Her 300-odd published articles, poems and stories are eclectic and mostly experiential and read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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