Keen to learn more about inclusive workplaces? Want to be inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community? Learn more & request an invitation for a very special 2-hour session here!
Men give weird reasons for divorcing their wives & are are supported. For women, no reason is good enough to walk away from a bad marriage!
Why women seeking divorce don’t get the support they deserve? People around them support them to go ahead with the divorce and desert that woman without an ounce of remorse. Even if the girl’s family had spent a fortune on getting her married and forces her to stay with the husband, she is pushed away mercilessly since she ‘does not deserve the husband’.
However, when men seek divorce their wives for various reasons which may include weird ones, they get enough support from family and friends.
Not giving birth to a boy – though it is their chromosomes decide that.
Not being able to conceive a child – even without finding out who has the infertility.
For not being good in bed – though the women’s needs are ignored.
For not taking care of his family which may include his parents, brothers, sisters, or their extended family – though he may never bother to support or help her family.
For not doing the chores – though he may laze around without helping her.
For dressing inappropriately – though he may well walk around in an underwear.
For being of loose morals – there are no loose morals for men.
Everyone jumps to advise the woman to refrain from taking this drastic step. She is advised to not destroy her family and her parent’s reputation and spoil her life. If she has children, the pressure is multiplied trifold. Now change this situation to women seeking divorce.
Her husband is infertile – No test is targeted at him.
He is impotent – How can you say that?
He is not dedicated to a job – don’t pressurize him. That will lead him down the wrong path.
Her in-laws meddle with her life – They are elders, respecting them is her duty.
Her husband is abusive – women have seen worse and yet finally their patience has paid off.
He has an affair – Yet he has not left you for her.
He doesn’t care for her or provide for her – You can ask your parental family for help.
Doesn’t help in chores around the house even a bit – How shameless can you be to expect it?
Doesn’t allow her to visit her family often – You are given away now. Why do you want to visit them at all?
Is a drunkard – But he does love and care for you right?
Hits the wife – Do not provoke him.
Doesn’t allow her to work – Good for you. Let him provide for you and children. You can relax and take care of home.
Why will you not support me? – Breaking a home is a sin.
These are just a few examples of real-life situations I have seen or observed as a counsellor. The list would be unending with trivial reasons working as a strong case for divorcing a wife whereas even very horrendous crimes by husband or in-laws are not enough for a woman to get her divorce peacefully.
The sad part is the lack of support and rejection she receives even from her very close friends or family members.
One of the very unfair practices is that of men blaming women giving birth to daughters. Even with science advancing and even children knowing that it’s the Y chromosome (from the male partner) that decides the gender of a boy, the blame game has not changed.
Yet, we never hear a woman divorce her husband for not giving her either a son or a daughter. No matter how much we progress, the illogical and patriarchal norms cannot be combated easily.
Image source: Still from Thappad
I am Farida Rizwan, 55, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am ardent blogger @www.chaptersfrommylife.com and share my life experiences of surviving breast cancer 3rd stage for read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Devi has started feeling like a mother to her husband, who was always,... immature, or as Indians put it, “boyish”, and is only getting younger post his half-century.
Devi has started feeling like a mother to her husband, who was always,… immature, or as Indians put it, “boyish”, and is only getting younger post his half-century.
Yes, Devi is very angry today.
Devi tested COVID positive early this week, and she sincerely wishes that her husband Bechara and not she were sick.
But what if you could highlight the pleasure of eating a mango? Mango-eating has always been the stuff slurpy, sloppy moments are made of.
Someone once said, ‘A little coitus never hoitus.’ Or, as a passage from an ancient Indian text says, ‘The horse and mare, the bull and deer, form the high union, while the horse and deer form the highest union. On the female side, the elephant and bull, the mare and hare, form low unions, while…’
Apparently, the animals represent people who are trying to have a union, that is, sex. This passage shows how the ancient Indians knew a thing or two about the birds and the bees and the hares and the mares. We had passion or kaam. And we had the Kama Sutra.
A wife’s demand for separation from the husband’s family would not amount to forming a valid grounds for divorce in every case!
Taking the latest Supreme Court judgment with a pinch of salt – a wife’s demand for separation from the husband’s family would not amount to forming a valid ground for divorce in every case!
Since the last few days, I find that my news feed is flooded with snippets of news on a Supreme Court judgment presumably holding that the persistent effort of a wife to force the husband to be separated from his family would be torturous for him and hence a valid ground for divorce.
A lot is being spoken about this ‘victory’ for the distressed men, a lot of comments and gyration is doing the rounds and a lot of women are predictably upset.
If the only reasons for a divorce your daughter gives are that they are miserable with each other and don't love each other, will you still support her?
If the only reasons for a divorce your daughter gives are that they are miserable with each other and don’t love each other, will you still support her?
On both Whatsapp and FB, I noticed a lot of posts with taglines saying ”A Divorced Daughter is Better than a Dead Daughter”. Apparently they were in response to this chilling news, in which a man in Kerala has been accused of killing his wife through a cobra bite!
Basically, these posts try to educate parents that if their daughter wants a divorce because of dowry harassment or domestic violence, don’t send her back if she comes home. Let her stay. Get her the divorce. Otherwise she may be killed or commit suicide because of the violence and/or harassment, so forget about the social stigma. Just be grateful that she’s alive.