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Men give weird reasons for divorcing their wives & are are supported. For women, no reason is good enough to walk away from a bad marriage!
Why women seeking divorce don’t get the support they deserve? People around them support them to go ahead with the divorce and desert that woman without an ounce of remorse. Even if the girl’s family had spent a fortune on getting her married and forces her to stay with the husband, she is pushed away mercilessly since she ‘does not deserve the husband’.
However, when men seek divorce their wives for various reasons which may include weird ones, they get enough support from family and friends.
Not giving birth to a boy – though it is their chromosomes decide that.
Not being able to conceive a child – even without finding out who has the infertility.
For not being good in bed – though the women’s needs are ignored.
For not taking care of his family which may include his parents, brothers, sisters, or their extended family – though he may never bother to support or help her family.
For not doing the chores – though he may laze around without helping her.
For dressing inappropriately – though he may well walk around in an underwear.
For being of loose morals – there are no loose morals for men.
Everyone jumps to advise the woman to refrain from taking this drastic step. She is advised to not destroy her family and her parent’s reputation and spoil her life. If she has children, the pressure is multiplied trifold. Now change this situation to women seeking divorce.
Her husband is infertile – No test is targeted at him.
He is impotent – How can you say that?
He is not dedicated to a job – don’t pressurize him. That will lead him down the wrong path.
Her in-laws meddle with her life – They are elders, respecting them is her duty.
Her husband is abusive – women have seen worse and yet finally their patience has paid off.
He has an affair – Yet he has not left you for her.
He doesn’t care for her or provide for her – You can ask your parental family for help.
Doesn’t help in chores around the house even a bit – How shameless can you be to expect it?
Doesn’t allow her to visit her family often – You are given away now. Why do you want to visit them at all?
Is a drunkard – But he does love and care for you right?
Hits the wife – Do not provoke him.
Doesn’t allow her to work – Good for you. Let him provide for you and children. You can relax and take care of home.
Why will you not support me? – Breaking a home is a sin.
These are just a few examples of real-life situations I have seen or observed as a counsellor. The list would be unending with trivial reasons working as a strong case for divorcing a wife whereas even very horrendous crimes by husband or in-laws are not enough for a woman to get her divorce peacefully.
The sad part is the lack of support and rejection she receives even from her very close friends or family members.
One of the very unfair practices is that of men blaming women giving birth to daughters. Even with science advancing and even children knowing that it’s the Y chromosome (from the male partner) that decides the gender of a boy, the blame game has not changed.
Yet, we never hear a woman divorce her husband for not giving her either a son or a daughter. No matter how much we progress, the illogical and patriarchal norms cannot be combated easily.
Image source: Still from Thappad
I am Farida Rizwan, 57, Counselor and Psychotherapist working as Senior Curriculum Developer with Chimple Learning. I am the founder of My Giggle Garden, Preschool, and Daycare. I am an ardent blogger @www.chaptersfrommylife.com read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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