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It is their toxic, violent masculinity, which makes them say things most women would not say. It is an act of publicly saying they see women as naked bodies in their minds and that women should know this.
When news broke of Malala Yousafzai’s wedding, social media was divided into those who were happy for her, having seen her grow up from a determined young girl into an equally determined young woman, and those who were criticising her.
The latter were a large majority, and their issue was not just with the fact that Malala had, not very long ago, called out marriage as an unnecessary institution, and now she was getting married. It was something deeper, more malignant, more all-pervasive in most patriarchal societies.
And then I began seeing posts like this vile one I came across on Facebook. Screenshot here.
When I started seeing people criticising Malala Yousoufzai on getting married, I knew this was coming.
Yes, she had said that about marriage being an unnecessary institution and then herself got married. I know everyone around me who has got married, has said this at some point of their life. People often end up doing the same things they don’t think should exist an in ideal world. On top of that, she never said she hates marriage and will never do it, she only questioned why marriage should be as important as it is considered to be.
I knew that this criticism of Malala will never be limited to her ‘being a hypocrite’, but that it will invite all islamophobia, misogyny, and the special hatred towards muslim women to the surface.
And the thing people chose to make fun of was not her politics, not her changing stance, but her having sex, even if in a marriage.
Marriage in the imagination of men is primarily about sex. When men think of women having sex, they never think of it as a mutual act, they see it as “it being done on them”. Sex in the imagination of most men is violent, it is an imposition on woman that the men are entitled to. Women are told that if they choose marriage of their own volition, they are “secretly wanting sex” and that it is “such a shameful desire”.
Jokes are their way to exert power over women they cannot shame otherwise. This is the reason the most so called ‘upholders of social propriety’ among men are ones making most offensive jokes. It is their toxic, violent masculinity, which makes them say things most women would not say. It is an act of publicly saying they see women as naked bodies in their minds and that women should know this.
In the minds of most men, this will keep men ahead of women who don’t want to be laughed at. This will keep their hegemony on sexual talk and sex intact.
Image source: Twitter
Mohini is a resident of Delhi, pursuing MA Development at Azim Premji University. She has worked with social movements and as a translator. Her interests include hindi poetry, classic cinema and understanding the world through read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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