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We need more mature and sensitive portrayals of couples with a wide age-gap irrespective of the genders, that are not fetishized or fixated on all things penile. It's time to give older actresses their due!
We need more mature and sensitive portrayals of couples with a wide age-gap irrespective of the genders, that are not fetishized or fixated on all things penile. It’s time to give older actresses their due!
As I watched the horror of the remix of the song, ‘Tip Tip Barsa Pani’, I couldn’t help but wonder that the song would have been more apt, and nicer with Katrina Kaif and Vicky Kaushal, her rumoured boyfriend. Or any other actor in her age bracket, for that matter!
Why is Akshay Kumar even in this song when there’s no Raveena Tandon around? The filmmakers could have taken a cue from the inclusive remix of the 90s song ‘Sheher Ki Ladki’ featuring the original pair.
Raveena Tandon still looks fab, actually better than Akshay Kumar, who still gets the privilege of acting as the main lead in mainstream movies. Unfortunately, we have normalized and trivialized old actors acting opposite young actresses.
Earlier this year, the movie ‘Radhe’ came under the scanner. Salman Khan is surely not the first fifty-year-old actor who has been paired opposite women old enough to his daughter.
Yet this time, people cringed at the sight of Salman Khan romancing Disha Patani on screen. Especially that lame tape kiss scene.
The public reaction to the Radhe lead cast was surprising. A few years back, the same audience was hooting for their ‘Slow Motion’ song, which became a blockbuster hit.
So what changed suddenly in these two years?
Nothing much, if you ask me!
The backlash was less about the pairing and more the public hatred towards Bollywood’s reigning superstar Salman Khan after Sushant Singh Rajput’s controversial death.
Perhaps it was also because of the mounting antagonistic sentiments towards actors who belong to minority groups but are the reigning superstars in the film industry. The recent arrest of Aryan Khan as a speculated attack on Shahrukh Khan’s lineage, success, and global popularity is a recent case in point.
Even if it might be for the wrong reasons, the public did raise its voice against the pairing of Salman Khan and Disha Patani, which is a rare phenomenon.
Being a Malayali, I cringe every time I watch Malayalam movies with my parents. It’s horrific and unacceptable for me to watch mainstream male lead actors, such as Mohanlal and Mammooty in their sixties and seventies paired opposite female actors in their early twenties ripe enough to be their granddaughters.
Unfortunately, this is an acceptable norm not just in Malayalam movies but also across India and the world.
Think a much older James Bond canoodling with bikini-clad women more than half his age. Somehow, this is the ultimate sign of manhood. And it’s utterly despicable that this glorified male fantasy of romancing much younger women is what the majority of the world finds relatable, acceptable, and normal.
The Vulture had published an analytical article a few years ago comparing the ages of three of the most successful Hollywood female actors with their onscreen pairings. The findings confirmed the prevalent age gap of onscreen couples as a necessary rite of passage for young actresses to enter Hollywood’s A-list category.
How many movies do we have of women romancing much younger men that our audience has embraced wholeheartedly?
Do male celebrities who marry much-younger women face the same kind of judgement women celebrities face when they marry much younger men?
Milind Soman’s personal life is chill. He has a huge fan following that is unaffected after his marriage to Anita Konwar, twenty-six years younger than him. If anything, the union has added to his popularity and image.
Contrast this with the public reaction that Malaika Arora gets post her divorce and relationship with a much younger Arjun Kapoor.
There have been numerous predictions of a divorce between Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jones because of their wide age gap. But no male celebrity in a wide age gap relationship goes through such public scrutiny and marriage doomsday prophecies.
I also know people who loved Sushmita Sen earlier but no longer have the same affection because of her relationship with Rohman Shawl, a model who is fifteen years younger than her.
“What’s wrong with her?” is what I get in response when I probe what changed.
But the same people don’t bat an eyelid watching almost pedophilic pairings on screen when the genders are reversed. Their double standards are like the proverbial elephant in our sanskaari rooms.
It’s amusing how onscreen relationships with older actors and younger actresses are not shown as age-gap relationships but with a normal age gap.
For example, a much older Akshay Kumar who played the role of Arunachalam Muruganantham was paired with a younger Radhika Apte, who played his wife. Worse, he was also the object of admiration, love, and desire of Sonam Kapoor, another much younger actress.
This subliminal and repulsive casting in Padman (ironically preaching social messages) prompted me to give it a 2-2.5 star rating.
Why should male actors talk about women’s empowerment when they don’t practice the same in their industry or make an effort to change the patriarchal norms? Starring in women-centric or patriotic movies doesn’t make the cut.
A random observation is that in our Indian movies, the young actress is always head over heels in love with the older hero’s machoness, honesty, kindness, and innocence. The cherry on the cake is the hero’s nationalism, sending our nubile heroines into multiple orgasms.
The wide age disparity in sexual relationships is rare in real life, comprising less than 5%. Only in the film industry do you have the norm of much older men paired opposite much younger women.
The entertainment industry’s amorous scouting for young actresses to pair them with older actors is unethical, exploitative, and misogynistic.
Even when wide age gap relationships are portrayed onscreen, there is an unmissable fetishization.
The onus seems to be entirely upon the younger female actors to cure the poor older male protagonist’s impotence.
As for the older woman, usually typecast as a teacher or bhabhi, she is a sexual map prop for young male virgins.
The conflict in such storylines is just as absurd, with the poor older protagonist having nightmares of his much younger, attractive partner eloping with a young man.
Why can’t the focus of our filmmakers be more on realistically exploring the relationship dynamics and challenges of couples with a wide age gap? Like the generational gap in the mindsets, the health concerns, societal taboos, and more.
Please show us stories of much older women who are in relationships with younger male partners too.
It’s just as possible for older women and younger men to be attracted to each other. There’s nothing taboo or shameful about it. It’s also possible for younger men to be attracted to an older woman for her personality and not physical looks alone.
It’s hypocritical that we have a term like ‘cougar’ for older women in relationships with younger men indicating they are predators.
But older men like George Clooney’s marriage to a much younger Amal Clooney adds to his charm and sex appeal.
This perception carries onto the screen as well. There is a visible imbalance of wide age gap relationship portrayals onscreen.
We do not have enough older women playing protagonists alongside younger male actors.
While there are realistic onscreen portrayals of older women and younger men that have gained acceptance among our audience, they are still far and few in-between.
Another myth that we need to dispel is that older women are unattractive. In contrast, older men are virile demi-gods until they hit their graves, are burned up in ashes, or are plucked by vultures.
Our entertainment industry propagates this blatant lie in the added pretext that the audience wants to see only younger actresses.
Because in real life, many women age better than men, and in fact, they are sought after more than their male partners, unlike what’s shown on screen.
Women age faster than men is a misogynistic and capitalistic lie.
I’m reminded of a statement by Neena Gupta in her interview with Rajeev Masand post the grand success of her film “Badhaai Ho.” To a question, if she missed anything, she replied instantly –
“I will be admired not desired at my age.”
And I literally threw up my hands in the air, shaking my head in defiance, thinking.
Why should this be the case? Why should we settle for this norm that older women are not attractive and desirable?
Think about it!
Isn’t it unfair that aging actors like Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar can romance women like Disha Patani and Kiara Advani?
But their counterparts like Raveena Tandon, Shilpa Shetty, or Karishma Kapoor, who have aged better than them, are sidelined and limited to TV shows, advertisements, and at best OTT web series?
It’s the othering of older female actors that should bother us all. Irrespective of whether they have aged or not, they seem to be outcasted merely because of their gender.
It’s easy to point the finger at the woman (in this case, the actresses’ agency) because she’s always seen as weak and hence the soft target.
We give too much leeway and importance to the men, and treat women like disposable objects.
The question we should be asking is: Why can’t older actresses like Raveena Tandon, Karisma Kapoor, or Shilpa Shetty be helming lead roles in mainstream movies like their male counterparts?
Correct Answer: Because an older woman with solid experience in the industry is a threat to her male peers, be it in talent, power, or compensation. Also, they are more difficult to control.
If we can accept a leading hero with greying hair and sagging skin, we must also embrace mature older heroines.
There is no harm in showing older men and younger women in relationships onscreen. But please have the honesty and courage to call out the old male protagonist as “old” and stop pretending that this depiction is of a normal age gap couple.
We need more mature and sensitive portrayals of couples with a wide age-gap irrespective of the genders, that are not fetishized or fixated on all things penile.
It’s time to give older female actors their due. Not breadcrumbing them with side characters on the big screen, lead roles in OTT web series, or TV show contracts. But in lead roles in mainstream cinema with as much compensation as their male counterparts.
Just because the age difference in Bollywood couples has been the norm for ages doesn’t make it necessarily right. Isn’t it high time to change it!
First published here.
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Tina Sequeira is an award-winning writer and marketer. Winner of the Rashtriya Gaurav Award in association with the Government of Telangana, Orange Flower Award by Women’s Web, India's leading website for women, read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Mostly Normal is a book of innocence, longing, filial love, angst and acceptance, encapsulating a gamut of human emotions within its lightweight edifice. The book touches the human heart and will stay with you.
Some books enthral you till the last page, and then there are those that you stop reading after turning a few pages. Some books are a one-time read, while you carry some books with you long after you have read them. Then, once in a while, a book hits you so close to home that you find it difficult to slot into any category.
I will put Priyadeep Kaur’s Mostly Normal (BookSoul Reads, 2022) in this last bracket.
At a little less than hundred pages, Mostly Normal is a testimony of the power of words to inspire, irrespective of their length.
Most women do not get to live their lives the way they want, on their own terms. So why should they be tied down in their old age?
Every morning, while dropping the kids at the bus stop, I find a grandfather waiting with his granddaughter. I see him again when I fetch the kids. This has been the pattern for the last few years.
He is seen actively participating in his granddaughter’s activities, from morning and evening walks to attending her parent-teachers meeting, sending her for extracurricular activities to even planning her birthday party. He is admired by all. He is appreciated for making himself useful in his old age. People rave that the doting grandfather is doing his duty towards his children and grandchildren. The much-admired grandfather is also a widower, having lost his wife years ago to chronic disease. It’s also to be noted that both his son and daughter-in-law are working parents.
Every day, the onlookers appreciate his sense of duty and dedication. They say that this is how the elderly should keep themselves occupied. They should bring up their grandchildren while their children go off to work.
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