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The girl I thought was my best friend since childhood tried to ruin my life! It took me far too long to realise the damage she did and by then it was too late!
The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies; it comes from those you trust the most!
The girl I thought was my best friend since childhood tried to ruin my life! It took me far too long to realise the damage she had done, and by then, it was too late! It didn’t bother me at first, but slowly and gradually, it started taking a toll on me.
My life was wonderful and then everything turned upside down. She changed me as a person! I was a girl who cared way too much about people and things and one fine day, I stopped caring at all.
I hated the person I had become because of her. She messed me up in ways no one else did. It’s a known fact that as time passes by, things do change and people change as well. Sometimes it is circumstances and sometimes its people who compel you to change as a person. But what hurts the most is when the people you trust the most, betray you and bring you down.
She was my closest confidante, the keeper of my deepest darkest secrets and the only person who knew all my insecurities. I trusted her blindly with my life and used to run to her with the slightest problems. She gave me sound advice, comforting words, courage and confidence. I loved her company more than anyone else’s in the world and I look back fondly on the memorable times we shared.
As we got older and entered teenage hood, things started changing drastically. It seemed like everything was going downhill. I am not saying it was all her fault. I made my own share of mistakes too but as a friend she should have stood by me and corrected me! She started bad mouthing me and degrading me at every step. She doubted me and made me lose all my confidence! I isolated myself and cut relations from people.
I lived in my own little depressing world where I was all alone and no one was allowed inside, except me! She took everything away from me- my friends, my social circle, my hobbies and my conviction.
In spite of all this, she was still my best friend! As they say old relations die hard. I had major trust issues because of her and why wouldn’t I have had those? I used to pretend to be okay and happy but inside I was filled with self-doubt and insecurities. It was dark inside my head and I had no confidence left to try anything new. I undervalued myself and my abilities. I actually thought I had no talents or gifts, whatsoever. I used to love reading, painting and dancing when I was younger but one fine day, I stopped doing any of them.
I had turned into an over thinker and introvert, thanks to her. I thought of various scenarios in my head that never happened; every little thing that had happened got to me and made me anxious. I often sat alone and thought about how I was a big failure for hours and how my life was totally futile. I didn’t have the courage to forge new relationships or make new friends; I was living with fake laughs and a fake life. My life was one big lie, where I was pretending to be someone I was not and nothing made sense.
The relationships I had been in were all disastrous and messed me up further! As a friend she should have stopped me; she saw all the toxic traits and still encouraged me to carry on. We had so many discussions when we were alone but she never once warned me, that I was giving my heart to the wrong men. In the end, I was the person who was hurt and humiliated. I further lost myself. All my weaknesses were used against me and I was at rock-bottom.
I detest her for letting me be in relationships with the wrong people and for all the nights I cried in bed, thinking it was my fault. She used to tell me that I should trust people and have faith in them but who knew that was really bad advice! She punished me for the mistakes others did! People were not always good as they seemed and I was taken for granted many a times. I should have known better to exercise caution and not trust anyone blindly.
I felt so angry with her; she didn’t even realise what she had done! It was the hardest phase of my life; I was heartbroken, dejected and disappointed in myself. I was scared of making new friends, scared of meeting someone new for the fear of my heart being broken again. For the first time, I had no hope! I was scared that I had a bleak future; I feared I would never find love again and never do anything worthwhile in my career! But most of all, I feared I would never find happiness.
When we were younger, I loved my best friend. We had so much hope and excitement for the future! I looked forward to being with her and spending time with her. I believed life would always be beautiful and easy like it was when we were children! I thought she would still wipe my tears when I was upset, encourage me when I was struggling with self-doubt, make me laugh and believe in the good things in life and always give me hope. Alas! Childhood dreams don’t always come true!
While I hate her for all the things she did to me, I am also grateful for all the things she taught me!
I am thankful for all the wrong decisions she pushed me to take because now I know how to take sensible decisions.
I am thankful that she didn’t stop me when I was in the wrong relationships because now, I know what true love is and what it feels like.
I questioned my worth because of her but I gained grit and inner strength in the process. I value myself, my talents and abilities so much more. I do not take them for granted! I strive to better myself every day.
I am thankful for all the hardships on the way as they made me the self-sufficient and confident woman I am today.
Earlier with her, I used to follow just my heart but today, I use my head equally. I have a fragile heart but a good head on my shoulder. I recognise when someone is fake and is trying to play me.
The time I spent away from my friends and cut off from the world made me realise the importance of family, true friends and the value of relationships. I realised they are my support system and I don’t want to be away from them ever.
Every mistake she encouraged me to do, taught me lessons and gave me a chance to grow.
She didn’t realise it but she helped me grow up from a naïve little girl to a mature woman who can survive anything from a heartbreak to a financial loss. I am proud of what I am today and will credit it all to her.
Today, I forgive her for all that she did to me, which is something I learnt from her as well. One thing that she always believed since she was a child is that, “Kindness and empathy go a long way” and everyone deserves it, even the worst of the people. I’ll never forget her and forever be grateful to her.
The girl, my best friend, the person I hated the most is none other than ME! (Well not anymore!)
Image source: Still from De De Pyar De
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