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It was a matter of small importance, but what it taught me about parenting and my daughter about talking with me, was huge.
We as parents often start equating our life with our children; often our failures get added to their bucket list of aspirations. What we fail to decipher is that their world is theirs and ours is ours-and both these are quite different!
Most often than not we the parents call parenting a mammoth task, a huge responsibility, something that’s difficult or arduous, least realizing how we’ve chosen it to be so, and not the other way round.
Just the other day I was busy in household chores while my 7 year old was at the breakfast table trying hard to finish her quota of two bananas. Now why that specific number, no one knows. She’s been imposed with that number since long irrespective of the fact that most of the time she doesn’t enjoy the same.
Now ideally as a mother I should’ve figured that out (her dislike for bananas) but I didn’t until that day when my daughter lied to me! She had finished one instead of two, but came back to me saying it was two and I was smugly satisfied, assuming my work as a real taskmaster had been achieved for the day.
However as they say women are born instinctive, most often accurately guided by their intuitions. And I am no exception. Something didn’t feel quite right and on ‘investigation’ (yes, because remember mothers are detectives too) all my doubts were put to rest. My 7 year old had eaten just one banana and not two, but had lied to me about the entire incident!
Now before someone scrutinizes this and accuses my 7 year of a bleak future, divert all your blame towards me! It was my inability as a parent to recognise her likes and dislikes; it was my mistake that I forced her to do what I wanted rather than focusing on what her heart desired, and coming up with a more palatable alternative.
Now the incident was of negligible importance in the scheme of things, but what I learnt out of it was mammoth. And to say the least, I learnt it the hard way.
Post my investigation I sat my daughter down and tried initiating a healthy conversation, encouraging her to reveal the truth voluntarily. Soon the initial hesitation and childish inhibitions gave way to minor giggles, and later unstoppable laughter. The moment my daughter realized that I had created an atmosphere of an open, honest communication she happily yielded and admitted to it; in turn learning to share her likes and dislikes without any fear.
As we were enveloped in a hug, I realized how true it is when they say no one, absolutely no one is capable enough to tell you every single detail about parenting; rather you live it through these tiny little troughs and crests that your child takes you through!
Image source: FatCamera from Getty Images Signature Free for CanvaPro
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
As long as teachers are competent in their job, and adhere to the workplace code of conduct, how does it matter what they do in their personal lives?
A 30 year old Associate Professor at a well-known University, according to an FIR filed by her, was forced to resign because the father of one of her students complained that he found his son looking at photographs of her, which according to him were “objectionable” and “bordering on nudity”.
There are two aspects to this case, which are equally disturbing, and which together make me question where we are heading as a society.
When the father of an 18 year old finds his son looking at photographs of a lady in a swimsuit, he can do many things. What this parent allegedly did was to dash off a letter to the University which states: