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A 'good' mother has to prioritise everyone over herself, not just her children, else she is considered selfish and not worthy enough.
A ‘good’ mother has to prioritise everyone over herself, not just her children, else she is considered selfish and not worthy enough.
When a woman becomes a mother, it is expected that the woman in the mother dies a slow death; if not instant death.
From the day the child is born, her every action is expected to be directed towards the child. Any decision taken for the happiness of the woman that resides in the mother is considered contrarian and selfish, and against the culture. Raising the child has to be her key goal. It is assumed that if a mother pursues her own dreams or desires, it will be certainly contrary to the interests of the child and the entire family.
Isn’t it time we move beyond the words ‘mother’s sacrifice’, ‘mother’s duty’ and stop glorifying sacrifices of a mother? I am not suggesting that we should become self-absorbed and selfish. I just wish to consider these sacrifices and duties to belong to both parents.
Child-rearing need not be restricted to mothers. The entire family, even the entire community is responsible for that. Barring carrying the child in the womb and breastfeeding, all other duties can be and should be shared by each person in a child’s life to raise an emotionally intelligent child.
Motherhood is an important part of a mother’s identity, not her sole identity. We must keep it that way. Motherhood is also about unlearning the ideas we’re conditioned to, and relearning and revisiting our values for raising a better future generation. It’s time we reclaim the woman inside us. It is important that we shamelessly shout aloud that “the woman in me is alive!”
In most cases, a mother is the first teacher in a child’s life. But that does not mean we should be the default parent. Mothers will raise a selfish, self-absorbed generation if they let others take them for granted.
Instead, isn’t it time we introspect and ask ourselves a couple of hard questions?
~ Do we wish to ingrain in our daughters that when she grows up and is a professional and well educated, she should stop pursuing her ambition and dreams as soon as she becomes a mother? Or do we want her to grow up into a woman who respects herself and her dreams?
~ Do we want our young sons to believe that it is natural to assume that his wife forgoes her dreams as soon as she becomes a mother? Or do we want him to learn that a wife is first a woman who has her own dreams that need to be respected?
If as mothers we choose to live our best life, we’ll be the best role model for our kids. Unless we demonstrate unequivocally that the woman in us is still alive and do not decimate ourselves to being only mothers, gender parity is a far-fetched dream.
Children grasp and learn more from what is practiced around them as against what is preached to them. Most children tend to see their mothers sacrificing throughout their lives, and think that it is the only acceptable norm. Daughters (on becoming mothers) stop prioritizing themselves, and sons (on becoming fathers) refuse to shoulder responsibilities of parenthood!
It’s time for us to shift the focus to parenthood, rather than just motherhood. It’s time we truly walk the talk of equality. Coming to this renewed realization wasn’t easy. It’s an ongoing process that continues to evolve me.
I urge mothers to try to love themselves as much as they love their children. Always stay connected to your happiness, self-care, needs, goals, and dreams while being a mom! Prioritize your happiness, as you cannot continue to give to others when your own well is dry.
Haven’t we seen mothers getting burnt out, trying to fulfil their sole responsibility of being mothers?! Counter-intuitively, only a healthy, happy and confident mind can nurture the dreams of future generations.
I am striving every day to value myself in front of my daughter in the hope that she will too! Will you do the same?
Image source: a still from the short film Sabak
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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