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All her life, a woman is expected to constantly adjust and stop thinking of her own dreams. But it's 2021, she need not compromise!
All her life, a woman is expected to constantly adjust and stop thinking of her own dreams. But it’s 2021, she need not compromise!
Why is it constantly expected for a woman to be the only one making all the adjustments and compromises? I have seen several different relationships between different men and women. And the one thing I found in common in all these relationships, is always the woman who is making the most number of compromises.
We still live in a society where women start their days early in the morning and end it after everyone is asleep. It is so sad that Indian women still aren’t getting proper sleep even today!
In every step of a woman’s life, she is constantly making compromises and adjustments. Right from her teenage to her marriage and it continues even after her marriage!
As a teenager, the girl is expected to serve food to everyone in the house including her brother who may be the same age or younger than her! She is expected to help her mother with all the household chores along with completing her education. And if she objects to any of this, she is asked to stay quiet as this is something every girl has to learn for her future.
As an adult, along with her college stuff, she is handling half or more than half of the responsibilities at home. If she asks for even half the freedom that her brother is getting, there’s a whole different argument that takes place at her house.
The girl has to compromise on going out on college trips and night outs with her friends along with a number of other things. If she asks when she’d be able to enjoy her life on her own terms, she is told that she can do so after she starts earning.
As soon as her college is over and she gets a job, the other issue she faces is that of the ‘rishtas.’ Yes, you read that right. The girl’s parents and relatives start bringing rishtas for her and start pressuring her to get married. And if she asks if she can live her life now that she’s earning, her parents tell her she can do so after she gets married.
After having dealt with all the emotional drama by her family, the girl has pretty much compromised on her dreams of being independent. She has given up on ever being career-oriented and is taught many lessons of compromising. Her parents train her to be kind to her in-laws and not to let them down ever.
After her marriage, the girl is now living her life according to her husband and her in-laws. Living life on her own terms seems lost now. No one in her family tries to understand her struggles or the compromises she has been making.
If you think this isn’t something you have faced, you are lucky that you have a great family and people around you. However, this is the reality of a number of women in India. Their brains are so well-conditioned since childhood by society that they often don’t see what’s wrong with such a life.
I want women to realise that if they don’t want a life like this, they need to learn to stand up for themselves. Women need to learn to be a little selfish and understand that there is nothing wrong with being this kind of ‘selfish.’
Society will constantly try to break you but you are strong, you are amazing and whatever you’re doing, you are doing it fabulously!
Picture credits: Still from Netflix movie Dolly Kitty Aur Woh Chamakte Sitare
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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