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Dear parents in law, let’s not argue, fight, and show off who is better. Let’s be supportive in our respective new roles instead, and enjoy our life.
Even before we get know to meet you, there is a general stereotypical image that has been set up for you. Which is definitely not satisfying. Though we don’t understand the exact truth of this stereotypical statement, we find that this is quite a common situation that many daughters in-law have to face in their lifetime. And we mold ourself to adapt to this situation.
Luckily there are many daughters in laws who don’t go through all this, and they seem to live in a well adjusted family, and their in-laws never try to disappoint or trouble them through their attitude and behaviour.
Here I have listed few things from my heart; the things that I have gone through and am going through every single day. My identity is defined and it is wrapped under the role of a woman, mother, daughter, sister, wife, daughter in law, sister in law etc. But apart from all these roles assigned to me, I am human, and I indeed have strong emotions that I need to express.
As a normal human being even I feel tired, lonely, and also get irritated due to things that happens around me. All my emotions and my manners need not be in sync with my new family. You cannot judge me just because I wake up late or sleep late at night. My rhythm of life might not always sync with your rhythm of life, so you cannot call me an irresponsible daughter in law or a bad daughter in law.
According to me I am a different person from what my in-laws are used to; being a single child and a single daughter for my parents I was born and brought up differently. So undoubtedly, I will likely be different from your family.
I understand that people around the world are different, everyone have different thoughts, characteristics, our opinions will differ, our tastes differ, our body and our physic is also different. Similarly, I understand that not everyone will like everybody, we have our own likes and dislikes. So please do not comment on any of my qualities.
I deeply respect your family and the culture and tradition. It doesn’t mean that I have to also follow it. Our country is known for its diversity; we have different regional dishes and we all have our favourite staple food. It’s pretty much natural and simple. I would definitely appreciate if you don’t look into my plate to comment on what I eat. It doesn’t mean that my dietary habits are bad and you are living a healthy and an organic diet.
And moreover, every gift that my parent give is “bad and not very precious”. I am really tired of hearing this, and now I like to have some peace from hearing this. Please do not say it again and again.
I agree, that you have brought up your kids the way you wanted them to be and you have definitely done a great job in raising a responsible son. I am here not to criticise or judge you. But do not judge my way of bringing up my child or my parenting style. Your suggestions are always welcome but I don’t appreciate your critical attitude.
Do not try to prove that your grandchild has more of your genes than mine. Understand that there is always a science behind genetic theory. My child has as much of my genes as yours. And moreover, I am 50% of her gene pool. She will also have some of my characteristics.
I request you to understand that, there is a huge gap of two decades between us. And that’s what we call it as generation gap. I also don’t require your permission to visit my parents. As a matter of respect and part of manners I would inform you about my visit. My existence will definitely not replace your value in your son’s life. You will always be loved by your son.
As a daughter in law and mother in law we are going to settle in this wonderful journey. We can never plan out in precise. And there are no manuals on how to handle in laws. So, let’s move slowly, steadily and find our way. We will mess up sometimes, but we can relax and take a deep breath and we can go back and make things better.
Let’s not argue, fight and show off who is better. Let’s be supportive to each other on taking our new roles. And enjoy our life.
If you also have anything to write it for me, I would love to hear it from your side.
Daughter in law.
Image source: a still from the film 2 States
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