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To All The Married Women Braving The Struggle, We Have Constantly Failed You!

Posted: August 4, 2020

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She understood, the seven vows of marriage only make you homeless – you lose a home you grew up in, only to live in a one, where you’re never fully accepted.

My wife moved to my home with her silent aspirations of turning it into her own. The paraya dhan was sent off to the ‘new home’ with a lot of pomp. My starry-eyed bride, with unspoken words but eyes full of dreams, took her first step in my house with plans of making it our house.

But we failed her.

She made rotis just like her mother taught her – soft and round. But maa didn’t like it. The roti wasn’t as per her expectations. “Your mother has taught you nothing,” she sneered before walking off, failing to see the tear that silently dropped. She was trying hard to make it our house.

But we failed her.

She did it all for us, but we only failed her

She was home one day. And she decided to clean up and rearrange the living room – to spruce it and give it a fresh look. “What have you done! Did you take our permission? How can you change my house without asking me?” screamed papa.

“Your father hasn’t taught you obedience,” he snarled and left the room. The walls didn’t miss the dejection and disappointment. She was just trying to make it our house

But we failed her.

She has an early morning meeting, but she woke up early to pack my luggage when I was to leave for work travel. And she also packed some ladoos and mathri so I don’t miss home.

“Where’s my toothbrush?” My trip was important and I couldn’t miss anything in the luggage. “I’m sorry, you were in the washroom brushing when I packed, so it got left out,” she looked at me with pleading eyes, looking for a smile on my face.

Now she’s just trying to be accepted

But I was too busy to notice the love. “You’re too involved with your own career. My trip means nothing to you!” I yelled as I snatched the toothbrush and dumped it in the bag before walking away. No one noticed the exhausted body sit hopelessly on the ground. Now she was just trying to be accepted in my house

But we failed her.

“You can’t come back. Now that’s your house,” raged her father with his back towards her. A helpless mother just shook her head as she left her father’s house…

In that moment of despair, she realised – the 7 steps of marriage only make you homeless, for you lose a home you grew up in, only to live in a place where you’re never fully accepted.

A version of this was first published here.

Picture credits: Still from Marathi TV series Agga Bai Sasubai!

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