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She understood, the seven vows of marriage only make you homeless - you lose a home you grew up in, only to live in one, where you're never fully accepted.
She understood, the seven vows of marriage only make you homeless – you lose a home you grew up in, only to live in a one, where you’re never fully accepted.
My wife moved to my home with her silent aspirations of turning it into her own. The paraya dhan was sent off to the ‘new home’ with a lot of pomp. My starry-eyed bride, with unspoken words but eyes full of dreams, took her first step in my house with plans of making it our house.
But we failed her.
She made rotis just like her mother taught her – soft and round. But maa didn’t like it. The roti wasn’t as per her expectations. “Your mother has taught you nothing,” she sneered before walking off, failing to see the tear that silently dropped. She was trying hard to make it our house.
She was home one day. And she decided to clean up and rearrange the living room – to spruce it and give it a fresh look. “What have you done! Did you take our permission? How can you change my house without asking me?” screamed papa.
“Your father hasn’t taught you obedience,” he snarled and left the room. The walls didn’t miss the dejection and disappointment. She was just trying to make it our house
She has an early morning meeting, but she woke up early to pack my luggage when I was to leave for work travel. And she also packed some ladoos and mathri so I don’t miss home.
“Where’s my toothbrush?” My trip was important and I couldn’t miss anything in the luggage. “I’m sorry, you were in the washroom brushing when I packed, so it got left out,” she looked at me with pleading eyes, looking for a smile on my face.
But I was too busy to notice the love. “You’re too involved with your own career. My trip means nothing to you!” I yelled as I snatched the toothbrush and dumped it in the bag before walking away. No one noticed the exhausted body sit hopelessly on the ground. Now she was just trying to be accepted in my house
“You can’t come back. Now that’s your house,” raged her father with his back towards her. A helpless mother just shook her head as she left her father’s house…
In that moment of despair, she realised – the 7 steps of marriage only make you homeless, for you lose a home you grew up in, only to live in a place where you’re never fully accepted.
A version of this was first published here.
Picture credits: Still from Marathi TV series Agga Bai Sasubai!
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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