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It's crazy how men have a bro code where they will not hit on any girl seen "taken" but won't respect a woman's autonomy unless she really gives it back!
It’s crazy how men have a bro code where they will not hit on any girl seen “taken” but won’t respect a woman’s autonomy unless she really gives it back!
That’s a very common questionnaire line you come across as a female while chatting with a stranger male on an online platform.
~ Do you have a boyfriend?
~ Are you married?
~ Are you in a relationship?
~ Are you engaged?
In our country, the mindset of people is that if a girl is not engaged, then they have a right to hit on her with their cheesy pick-up lines. And people don’t stop merely at these pickup lines. It can get serious, and these stalkers can end up blackmailing you to get into a relationship, even threatening suicide. Their desperation becomes so obvious with time.
As I mentioned, the desperation becomes obvious only with time. So I’d suggest people take a precautionary step to stay away from such jerks, considering my really bad past experience with someone like that.
You can be online on a job search portal such as Linkedin, or a social media portal such as Facebook and you’re responding to these random people in the hope to land a good job or to get good publicity for your blog.
I am very active on LinkedIn and I love talking to random people when they come up with appreciation, or suggestions for my blog ideas or my new venture. I came across Mr. Jerk who disguised his intentions behind an appreciation for my latest video. I felt flattered. And then the next questions were those I have mentioned earlier.
I asked him, why does it matter to him, whether I am married/engaged or in a relationship.
He answered, “I would close my options to hit on you saving myself a good amount of time since you’re already taken.”
Woah! Is that what they think of females? If you’re taken, then you’re not an option for them. In men’s language, this is called, brotherhood. They don’t hit on their friend’s girlfriend. I was amazed to find this brotherhood concept to be followed nationwide.
I gave him a very apt answer to his questions. But fortunately or unfortunately, I shared the same instance with my boyfriend. He was infuriated with the number of people hitting on me online and offline on a daily basis. In an attempt to protect me, he asked me Mr. Jerk’s ID, so that he could give him a nice talk.
My boyfriend’s response amazed me further. I responded something like this to him:
“You know very well, I am a very private person. I don’t like to disclose my relationship with people. Married or unmarried, I would prefer to be asked of my interests. I am not known by my boyfriend’s or husband’s name. I have my own identity and I would prefer to keep it. I have already responded to him well and I prefer to fight my own battles. If you come to my rescue, people like Mr. Jerk would continue to ask the same thing in order to avoid such conflicts. Instead, they need to learn that if a girl is single/married, and she is not interested in a relationship with a stranger, then be it, and they need to respect that decision. Period.”
Probably, this little incident was learning for my boyfriend too. And respect is not only earned, but it’s a struggle with your loved ones and the rest of the world.
Also, whether I really had a boyfriend or this is a fictional character depends on your judgment. I am a private person and I am happy to keep it that way.
Image source: Still from Bollywood movie Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2
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I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
Why is the Social Media trend of young mothers of boys captioning their parenting video “Dear future Daughter-in-Law, you are welcome” deeply problematic and disturbing to me as a young mother of a girl?
I have recently come across a trend on social media started by young mothers of boys who share videos where they teach their sons to be sensitive and understanding and also make them actively participate in household chores.
However, the problematic part of this trend is that such reels or videos are almost always captioned, “To my future daughter-in-law, you are welcome.” I know your intentions are positive, but I would like to point out how you are failing the very purpose you wanted to accomplish by captioning the videos like this.
I know you are hurt—perhaps by a domestic household that lacks empathy, by a partner who either is emotionally unavailable, is a man-child adding to your burden of parenting instead of sharing it, or who is simply backed by overprotective and abusive in-laws who do not understand the tiring journey of a working woman left without any rest as doing the household chores timely is her responsibility only.
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