Can Anything Be Lonelier Than A Queer, Single Woman Locked In At Home For Over A 100 Days?

Posted: July 8, 2020

Do you know what the perfect recipe for loneliness is? For me, it is being queer and lonely during corona times while hoping to meet someone soon!

I do not know how better to say this. This lockdown is affecting me in more ways than you can imagine. I have been feeling lonelier than usual, unable to step out of home, and strangely ‘queer.‘ What does that mean, strangely queer, you ask?

Oh well, I am queer alright. This strange feeling of being unable to attend the pride parade this year, this inability to find a date, and date someone even eight months since my last breakup, are the reasons that make me feel weird.

I was finally becoming content

Like a lot of lesbians and bisexual women, I took a very long time before I could come to terms with my sexuality. Even more of it, before I came out of my closet.

However, I was finally becoming content. I had friends, I had a community, albeit small. And I could grab a coffee once in a blue moon. I had some allies for colleagues. But here I am now, locked in my home for the last 100 days. I mean, seriously!

This loneliness is what took me to online dating apps. The trouble there is that most of them are designed for cis-hetero people. They are either non-inclusive of us queer folks, or they add the LGBTQIA+ segments in different drop-downs, only as an afterthought. Seriously, that’s just disappointing!

It was surprising that Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, TrulyMadly, Badoo, are ALL designed primarily for cis-hetero couples. There is of course Grindr, but it has more of gay/bi men focus. Perhaps some trans people too.

And dating apps were disappointing too until…

The only lesbian dating apps that existed were international ones, like Zoe, or Her. Well, another disappointment, Rhea! That’s what I told myself.

It was with a bit of discernment that I discovered a rare gem. Indigenous, LGBTQ dating app called AYA (As You Are). But even there, the community is small, though it seems very safe and discreet without being secretive.

I did connect with one person, but even an app can’t remove the barriers of the lockdown, can it? As I talk to this girl, I hope I can meet her someday soon and then maybe take it to the next level.

But I also wonder if this is why we say, ‘we might all be facing the same storm, are not in the same boats.’ Perhaps, my boat is just lonelier than yours!

Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga

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