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Are you a 30-plus single woman on dating apps? Or do you intend trying out some? Then you should know of these types of men on dating apps that you’re likely to meet.
Being a single woman in mid-30s is both fulfilling and frightening. This is the phase when you are mostly happy and also embarrassed by a few choices you’ve made, but then you are single and have all the time in the world to explore.
You probably figure out exactly which ‘genre’ of a romantic relationship you want. And who wants to die a celibate. Or scarier- as Bridget (Jones) said – get eaten by Alsatians. And the fact that a large part of our elderly population is lonely doesn’t stop us from dating.
This is also the phase when relatives aggressively want you to get married and suggest alliances; well-meaning friends try to match you up with men. Mostly these options do not bring in any success. You are at an age when you are headstrong and clear about what you want, and tailor-made dates might not be the ideal scenario.
Thankfully it is the best time to be a single woman in the 30s. The options are plenty. And what you choose is up to you. Marriage, singlehood, sexually active, dating diva, or hopeless romantic, we get to take our pick more easily than our predecessors could.
I chose dating apps. And the experience has been rather amusing, refreshing, and informative. So here I am, just sharing my experience with the sisterhood!
You do match with men who I’d not say you exactly friend zone, but they are so like buddies from the onset. You share the same interests and while you would want to date someone like that, these men somehow give you brotherly vibes.
The journey to ‘tu’ and ‘chal’ is so fast that you begin to think – who’d want to date a twin? So both of you probably end up drinking beer and talk about zalim duniya and also giving each other solid dating advice.
These men stay in your WhatsApp inboxes like forever, and you high 5 and send each other the best of memes. I like the Bro genre!
One of my many rules of dating is not engaging with married men.
Well, I might sound judgmental, but the very thought that another woman might end up hurt because of me is too much to take. And therefore, I write it down on my bio (which they don’t or pretend to not read, and men of this genre still match with you) and then the sob story and poor jokes on marriage start. And if it is your lucky day, he’d even offer to tell you his entire life’s story so that you could write your next novel on it.
The extra dose of ‘dear’ makes them the creepiest on the app.
I know that the adjective used here is a little out of place. But I give it to these men for honesty.
They are unabashed about what they want, and my experience says they do take no for an answer. At a time when we are still teaching consent to both men and women, these matches come as surprises. And some of them don’t even unmatch after the ‘what are you looking for’ question. They might give you fitness advice or talk politics or about traffic snarls. But aren’t creepy.
Now you meet this really interesting dude and want to see how things go with him. So you exchange phone numbers and begin to talk, and you share the same interests in food and other adventurous stuff. You think this is a good potential candidate for a first date and begin to think of the perfect food to order on that day.
And then he drops the M bomb. His shaadi clock is ticking and he sends you loaded messages, that has the word marriage in every sentence, and you are so frightened that you become the runaway bride much before the hypothetical wedding.
While people do meet at dating apps, fall in love/ get attracted and get married, this genre has it all muddled up in their head. Not creepy, but might scare you a bit.
You don’t need to match with the guys of this genre to know how well they score in the bragging department. There are multiple pictures of them, mostly in foreign locations and if you are lucky, he’ll also mention the number of countries he has visited.
Well, we might wonder what that has got to do with attraction, but they, I am sure to have valid reasons to mention it. If you find the reason, do share it with me.
Some of the matches of this genre are however not good for the wildlife. I mean why else would one torture animals to pose for selfies with them. They remind me of the dead baby dolphin with whom tourists had posted for pictures.
Also, this genre has that man who has an internet presence. And he brags about it. You might have more footprint, but then does he ask who you are as a person?
They are the fastest unmatch.
They’ll start a conversation by asking your phone number. You say no, and he’ll tell you – ‘hey you are old. For how many more years will you get such requests?’ These dudes might be older, haggard, etc.
Or they could ask if it was your cooking time and they are disturbing you. Right in the morning. The very first thing. You could be working, or gymming or watching a political debate. But a woman first belongs in the kitchen!
These are the men you don’t match with. I presume they are either very honest, sanskari or arrogant.
Their pictures are with their wives or kids. The pictures could be right from their wedding reception or their honeymoons. And I am sure they expect you to match with them. (Huh?!)
This picture could be any other celebrity’s. I mentioned Salman Khan because I matched with a man to just tell him ‘Bhaiyya, Salman Khan ki DP will not get you a date or more’. I unmatched 20 minutes later, but it was worth it.
Like Swachh Bharat, maybe dating apps are also a government project. These men probably think it’s a sarkari dost banao yojna (a govt project for making friends) and sweetly mention – here for friendship only. And I wonder- Facebook has a 5000 friend limit. That not enough?
They are called ‘the player’ because they play the best.
Mostly looks are above average (you never know if the pictures are of their own), he makes sure to text the good mornings and good nights every day. That could be a broadcast message and they could be feeling happy with 50 others.
They’ll want to know more about you as a person but will not tell much about themselves. In my experience, a lot of women like brooding introverts, and that is the best game the player knows. The player is also probably well read in psychology and knows how to make you smile. He is not the best bet if you want to date exclusively because while you are eating lunch with him, he may already have an upcoming dinner date waiting.
He is not on social media and has a sad story about why he isn’t there. But it is 2019, aur humarey behene bhi Sherlock Holmes hai. (and our sisters are also Sherlock Holmes!) So eventually the player dutifully makes it to the block list.
There are men who do not fit these boxes or for that matter cannot be typecast. They want you to maybe ask for a second date. They take the pressure off a first date or at least try to make it equal. They probably do not look like models; they don’t look badly groomed either. They are the middle ground and that is where I’d say we could look. You might have awkward conversations, but it is natural and eventually might be free-flowing.
Also, one suggestion. You never know who you are talking to. So ask for a social media reference maybe. Needless to say, one who has an egg DP on Twitter and zero tweets and zero followers do not pass the test, neither does the one who has 5 friends or 5000 all female friends on Facebook. The social media could be your own version of Aadhar Card verification.
The experiences on dating apps are similar to being on a diet. You never know who you could meet, just like we never know what could trigger the weight loss.
Image source: a still from the movie Qarib Qarib Singlle
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