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If women are expected to remember and wish their families on birthday/anniversary and put a sorry note if they missed it why not the men?
Like several others Mother’s day too was a big deal on social media. Most women were happy to share pictures and memories of their mums as a tribute to the most important relationship of their lives.
In fact, several married women also shared space with their mothers-in-law out of respect for a relationship acquired. This was touching and sweet in many ways.
And this made me wonder, why do men feel awkward and squeamish of a public outpouring of emotions? Why are they awkward about write-ups and the collages documenting the journey from diapers to adulthood? Is it because of the saying, ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus’?
I don’t see a reason why boys should feel embarrassed to celebrate mother’s day with the same enthusiasm as girls. Women clearly outdid men given the pictures, shares and effusive messages and phone calls to wish their moms. But, where were the men and why did they buckle?
Surprisingly, few did remember to wish or call their own mothers but forgot their mothers-in-law. Strange how women aren’t churlish to share space with their mothers in law. But men won’t care about the saasu ma with half the regard. This isn’t hard to guess, given our patriarchal set ups where women are taught to value relationships and bonds than men.
Men don’t often reciprocate in a similar manner or remember their father-in-law’s birthday or anniversary or get a gift. In fact, wives have to remind their husbands to call or wish in order to save embarrassment or misunderstandings.
Why do men find it difficult to invest in personal relationships in the times of social media and internet? Aren’t you automatically notified without any effort? And you definitely have time for PUBG and million other mindless time pass but is that men are too blasé when it comes to social niceties?
Some argue that Mother’s Day is just another Western fad. So, why make a show of it when we have greater reverence for motherhood? Or that there’s no need to ape Western cultural blahs… Aw but c’mon! Aren’t we far too Westernised to single out a single harmless Mother’s Day?
Many of us feel these celebrations are a girly thing. Like the 12 a.m. birthday wishes, anniversary wishes, gifts, valentine’s day flowers and cards hold a lot of emotion to women. While these never fail to bring a smile, women cherish more them than men.
We quite agree that men are differently wired when it comes to the emotional quotient, expressing feelings or keeping the bonds. A number of men are guiltier of forgetting their partner or spouse’s birthdays and their own anniversaries. Meanwhile, most of the women make it a point to celebrate these ritualistically and even extend it to the other members of their families. However, most men won’t just get it why it’s important for them.
The complacency comes from our own low expectations of men. If women are expected to remember and wish their families on birthday/anniversary and put a sorry note if they missed it why not the men?
We know of fights and disputes that arise in families if women fail to wish their husband’s family with due respect and deference. So if women are expected to note down by way of reminders in their phones, why not the men as well? Why is there a greater thrust of social obligations and niceties from women in society.
Is it that women make it a point to assimilate into their marital homes and relationships? Or is it that they are more sentimental of people and sensitive about maintaining relationships? Do women raise the benchmark by delivering every single time or are we compelled do out of social pressures or are they personal choices?
Whatever the reason, men are chill when it comes to matters of the heart. Hai to hai nahin to nahin (take it or leave it)
Several argue it is better to be genuine and not wish when you don’t honestly feel like doing it. But why the hypocrisy or facade when you don’t care much about it? Why keep pretences is the moot question?
But, don’t we all take similar efforts to maintain social etiquettes and niceties for our bosses, or superiors even if we aren’t feeling up to it? And in that is the case don’t social relationships take precedence over personal ones? Is it hypocrisy when it comes to people and relationships that matter or taking it for granted while feeling supercilious about it.
Women do it not only for their families, friends, relatives, colleagues and bosses. They even make it a point to remember their help’s birthday, festivals or fasting days and make it a point to tip her or buy a little gift. Ultimately isn’t it all about prioritising relationships, some things that don’t matter much to the men?
Many mothers rue that their boys didn’t care to call or wish them. They felt envious of women with daughters who penned special notes, shared collages or changed profile pictures to those of sepia tinted ones of their mothers. So expressions matter, especially, when you see your next door neighbour, colleague, cousin or even your maid celebrating Mother’s Day on social media handles.
Many argue that the artifice that surrounds such celebrations put off boys and men. The brouhaha, sentimental notes and cutesy pictures can make it look corny but what exactly stopped them from doing, it in private?
Why not just pick up the phone and call? Taking time out to show your love is never corny or embarrassing, at least not in today’s times. Especially today, when we knew that at the end of the day, all we have are our families and relationships.
Picture credits: YouTube
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