Though my grandmother was dependent on my grandfather when he died, she decided to take charge of her independence and did exactly that till her last days!
My father was five years old when my grandfather passed away. This left my grandmother on her own to raise three kids, including two daughters on her own, in that era. And when my grandfather left her, she wasn’t independent.
Initially, her in-laws helped her with the household expenses since the pension she received as a police constable’s wife wasn’t enough. And one day, she decided to work!
It was a thorny decision for someone who hadn’t worked outside her house for a single day. She had no experience of how the outside world would be but she went on her job hunt. Her iron-grit and determination helped her when she found a job in a primary school with the help of her friend. This just helped her regain her self-confidence.
All through my childhood, we were close and she would tell me her life experience. She would say to me, “Poonai, always be an independent girl. No matter what, don’t leave your work or earnings for anyone. Even though you have everything, and there is no need to work. Work for yourself and your growth. Never stop working.”
And I gave her my word that I will always be an independent girl and never leave my work for anyone at all.
My grandmother even inspired my mother to start her own vocational institute. So my mum now, teaches girls how to stitch and paint. She also aims to expand her establishment further.
My grandmother was a strong and a determined lady in terms of her decision. She would tell me to take my own decisions and never regret them. And to my mother she would say, “Arti, bolna seekh. Warna duniya ne tera bura haal kar dena hai. Do do betiyon ki shaadi karni hai tujhe.” (Arti, learn to be assertive or the world will take advantage of you. You’ve got two daughters marry off!)
My mother is a very emotional lady and was always afraid of someone telling her something and not being able to lay her point down. So my grandmother would teach her how to be blunt to people! Being a mother-in-law, this was something else! She was my mother’s shield and not even my father would say anything to mom in front of her. Sometimes, she would ask them both to go for a movie night and would take care of my sister and I.
Even in her last days, she used to be associated with khadi women yojana. She would make sweaters and pickles with other women who aimed to be independent. And there were times when my dad would have arguments with her about her wanting to work. And she would always reply saying, “I want to remain an independent woman.”
Pic courtesy the author Poonam Sharma
She is an inspiration for me and I have learnt so many things from her. I’ve never seen anyone with the same kind of spark or zeal that she had in anyone else.
Now, I am really scared for my parents because I always tell my mother that she should be there for both of them. She was their shield, after all.
Picture credits: Screenshot from Bollywood movie Paa
CS by profession And writing and poetry are my passion. read more...
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Earlier my husband would say, 'Arey! What is there in making dal-roti? It's so simple.' After he had to cook everyday when I was ill, he has stopped saying that to me!
“Arey! What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?” A handful of dal (lentils) and two rotis! This is the story of every woman and no one seems to understand.
Some time ago, after a shopping spree, my husband and I entered the house, exhausted. I had just about kept all the bags aside, when my husband said, “I am very hungry, can you make something.”
I looked at my husband in amazement and thought, ‘He had just had food, how did he get hungry again so soon?’
My husband, as if he had read my face, said, “Arey! You know that my stomach is not filled with outside food. Just make dal roti. What is there to do in making dal roti? Put a handful of lentils in the cooker and let it whistle and make two rotis. After all, how long will it take?”
‘Is this the way dal (lentils) and roti are made?’ The thought came to my mind. ‘After all, I also went along and now I am tired too.’ I was also getting angry at myself that after all, I had spoiled the habit of everyone in the house.
Nirmala disconnected, and turned to speak to Amma. But she was long gone. Once more, the poor kitchen utensils were bearing the brunt of Amma’s temper.
The Muse of the Month is a monthly writing contest organised by Women’s Web, bringing you original fiction inspired by women.
Ujwala Shenoy Karmarkar is one of the winners for the October 2021 Muse of the Month, and wins a Rs 750 Amazon voucher from Women’s Web. The juror for this month, Himanjali Sankar commented, “The age-old connection between a mother and daughter is explored poignantly through an exasperated love, which is often seemingly angry and impatient, that a daughter feels for her mother and the way she comes to make peace with it. A story set in Covid times that puts us in touch with the importance of love, connections and gratitude in a non-preachy, very real way.”
Nirmala grimaced as she picked up her cup of tea. It was cold and had a greasy film over it. Her class had lasted two hours, and she had been talking continuously for most of it. Her back was aching and her throat was sore.
Was it possible that all the support, given and received over the years in her informal knitting group, made my grandmother calm and uncomplaining?
For those of you who don’t know me, I am a lawyer, who runs a website on knitting while blogging ad nauseam on issues that have nothing to do with law or knitting. That said, I’m fairly regular with my blog (or have been for the month and a half that I have been doing it) but last week I couldn’t bring myself to post anything.
Actually, I did write a post based on some interesting anecdotes my mom told me about my nani (maternal grandmother) All I needed now was to edit it and publish it. Instead, I went into a funk – an inexplicable deep dark funk.
I thought it was a sign of the monthly blues which come as regularly as Aunt Flo. So I let it be. I closed my eyes, tried to hush the inner noise and waited for the funk to pass. Then two days ago, I heard the unfortunate news about a young lawyer who left this world much before her time.
A self-sufficient feminist when it was unheard of, my great grandmother Vithabai is someone I look up to. Here's her story!
A self-sufficient feminist when it was unheard of, my great grandmother Vithabai is someone I look up to. Here’s her story!
I studied in an all girls’ school, so sisterhood was a part of my upbringing. But sometimes, I think, it has reflected on my life in a way that I naturally tend to trust, or my go-to person has always been a woman.
All the fabulous ladies in my family, my class teachers, my principles, my friends have left some impact on who I am today. Even now coincidently all my managers or the people I report to are women. Obviously, I have a difference of opinion with some of these ladies.
However, had it been the opposite gender, I probably would’ve flipped or reacted in a different manner. There’s a good chance I would’ve begun this article by calling them names. Hopefully, that helps you imagine the situation.