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I am lazy, short-tempered, ugly, moody, bitter, jealous, greedy, sincere, honest, and emotional. And a lot of other things too. But I am not them.
A few weeks ago, I came across an old photograph of mine. Basically, a passport size photo I retrieved from the farthest corner of my purse. A chubby teenager with bushy eyebrows and oil shoulder-length hair stared back at me.
The first thought that struck me on seeing my old photo was one of relief. Thank God, I no longer look like the ugly duckling in the photograph. Sure, I ain’t a beautiful swan but at least I look presentable now.
Pleased with that thought, I peered down closely at my former self. A lump formed in my throat as I thought about the girl I left behind forever. In a time that I can never go back to.
As I pondered over it, I couldn’t help but notice the other changes that the teenager in the photo underwent as she transitioned into a woman. A barrage of questions raised their head at me.
Am I still that innocent girl who trusted people blindly and thought evil existed only in books and movies? No! I now know that evil lurks everywhere and people are not to be trusted easily. But I also believe that the world would have come to an end if goodness had ceased to exist.
Am I still that girl who dreamed that the world was within her grasp? No! It’s just that the dreams have changed. I still dream but they no longer contain only myself. Now, I dream for my kids and my family.
Am I still that girl who has hitherto been untouched by grief and loss? The answer to this question is a big NO! Life has shown me things that I never expected to see. And caused me pain that still lingers and refuses to go away.
It has changed the course of my life in such a manner which is beyond my wildest dreams or imaginations. I have cried into my pillows, in front of my family, well-wishers and also in front of God. Never in my life have I felt so enraged or helpless. I have vented out my anger and frustration on anyone and everyone. And cursed my fate, raved and ranted at the unfairness of it all.
But in the end, I have accepted life with all its terms and conditions. And in doing so, I have not only emerged stronger but victorious too.
So, if you ask me, who am I?
I would say I am lazy, short-tempered, ugly, moody, bitter, jealous, greedy, sincere, honest, and emotional. And a lot of other things that are an integral part of my personality. But I am not them.
I am a warrior! That’s who I am.
Each time life knocks me down, I wail loudly and then stand up on shaking legs. Every time, life throws a cruel blow at me, I make sure to punch back at it with equal grit and determination.
Because grieved and hurt I maybe, I am not a coward. I won’t leave the battlefield without fighting till my last breath.
That’s a promise I made to myself. A promise I live by every day.
I no longer fear life. In face, I love life. Because deep down I know that I will be given only what I can handle.
A fighter and a believer! Unapologetically, unabashedly, remorseless ME!
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie NH 10
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Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Dear Women’s Web Community Member,
You may have wondered at our being on the quieter side during the last couple of months. Thank you for your patience, and we wanted to come back to you with a detailed note on what’s been happening at our end of things.
When we first began Women’s Web, as a blog from one woman’s desk along with a few like-minded souls, little could we have imagined the heights that it would soar to. Over the years, Women’s Web has published over 20000 stories (almost all by women), empowered countless women with the ideas, community and resources to chase their dreams, employed hundreds of women in core and project-based roles, and in the process, emerged as the OG women’s community in India. It has also inspired many others to build communities of a similar nature, all enabling women (and other-underrepresented groups) in their own ways.
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