What Advice Do Angry Women Get In A Society That Expects Them To Be Pleasant, Smiling, ‘Susheel’?

Posted: July 9, 2019

In a society where women are supposed to be paragons of patience and pleasant smiles, what advice do they get if they get angry? Read on.

Since childhood, one is expected to be pleasant and display good temper within the family and to everyone we come in contact with.

Women in particular are often expected to display all pleasant feelings, and suppress the rest (like anger). If one at all shows anger, it is often justified as the woman being ‘hormonal’. But anger is, after all, a feeling that is expressed like any other feeling – say joy, jealousy, pride for instance.

“Nasty woman!”

Angry women have even been tagged ‘hysterical’ traditionally. That reminds one of Donald Trump’s epithet for Hilary Clinton calling her a “Nasty woman”.

At a presidential debate, Donald Trump closed out the evening by calling Hillary Clinton “such a nasty woman.” And, as one might expect, it didn’t go quite as he had probably intended. Women everywhere decided it was time to reclaim the “nastiness” within them 🙂

NastyWoman

Raise your hands if you are a nasty woman.

Such expectations are amplified after one gets married – the ‘susheel bahu’ is much prized, and anger vilified.

Here is some of the advice a woman gets when they are angry – be it from friends, or family, or relatives, or just any random person one meets!

10 things I’ve personally heard!

I remember how my mom often chided me saying I would not get a good job nor a good husband later in life if I was that short tempered.

Rude

From my personal experience, younger women often get to hear this: “You must be on your PMS. Check your calendar sweetie“.

PMS

Older ones have no escape from this: “Are you hitting your menopause sweetheart? I think you need a break!

Menopause

Most working women have to face this at home: “Calm down. Do not show your office frustration on me!

Work

I have heard this like a zillion times from my friends and peers and even some random person: “Are you venting out someone else’s anger on me. Just relax buddy.”

RollingEyes

My grandfather often told me this: “Take a deep breath. Count from ten to one, and see how your temper will vanish!

Breathe

My boss who was very aggressive almost with everyone, compelled me to say this to her once: “You need to train the dragon within you. Why don’t you enroll yourself into an anger management course.”

Boss

Pregnancy being one of the very special moments in a woman’s life, sometimes has its downsides too. I had to bear these words a countless number of times, especially during my last trimester: “Mood swings and hormonal changes are playing the trick. You will soon get over this.

pregnancy

But angry men – can be heroes!

However, surprisingly this isn’t the case with men!

Take an example of the great saint, Durvasa Muni – in Hindu mythology, he is known for his short temper. His name literally means one who is difficult to live with. Yet we accept him the way he is.

A more apt (and more relatable) example would be the movie Kabir Singh, which is certainly an unapologetic celebration of toxic masculinity. This angry and violent character is portrayed as a Hero.

KabirSingh

If media and movies can showcase their anger as a heroic character, then why are women always laid as target and often advised to keep control of their temper?

It’s time to check how short-tempered women are actually received by families, friends, and society, v/s how angry men are not only accepted but also made heroes by the same set of people who can term and angry woman as “hysterical” or ” hormonal” or even a “bitch” sometimes!

Liked this post?

Register at Women's Web to get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads! Or - get a couple of really cool reads on your phone every day - click here to send us a Whatsapp message.

Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, you can request to be a Women's Web contributor too!

I am basically a Software Engineer from Bangalore. I have worked in the IT industry

Learn More

Emergency Contraceptives - All You Need To Know

Comments

Share your thoughts! [Be civil. No personal attacks. Longer comment policy in our footer!]

NOVEMBER's Best New Books by Women Authors!

Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!

#NoRegrets Blogathon