If you want to understand how to become better allies to people with disabilities, then join us at Embracing All Abilities: Including People with Disabilities at Work.
Sometimes, you think nothing bad has ever happened to you - until something brings it all back; a woman shares a childhood incident of sexual abuse that continues to play on her mind today.
Sometimes, you think nothing bad has ever happened to you – until something brings it all back; a woman shares a childhood incident of sexual abuse that continues to play on her mind today.
I am from a family of five people (Mumma, Papa, and three of us, sisters). I am the youngest among them. I had a good childhood as I never got to know of anything bad happening around me (thanks to my sisters for that).
There are many things that live deep inside us which we have forgotten and then one day, something happens and all of a sudden there is a flashback to one of those things and it all comes back as though it is happening right now. The same thing happened with me.
Trigger warning: This post contains some descriptions of child sexual abuse that could be triggering for some readers.
It was during my class 5 summer vacations when my cousin and I were going to our dance classes. Just next to my home, a man came and grabbed my breasts and kept walking straight ahead. I didn’t know what just happened, but it hurt, it hurt badly. My cousin saw it and laughed at me and that made me feel more awkward.
As I came came back home, I went to my mumma and told her what had happened and then she told me that I don’t have to talk about it to anyone. And also that if anybody touches my breasts or vagina then that is a bad thing.
And then all of a sudden there was another flashback. A flashback to the time when I was 6 years old and in class 1.
Many of the kids in our society used to play together, regardless of their age. With us there was one bhaiya who was the oldest one in the group. He use to bring me chocolates when I was 6 and ask me to stay back for 5 minutes after everyone had left. Then he used to kiss me and give me the chocolates saying “Don’t tell anyone, I will give you more chocolate tomorrow”. And I never told anyone.
One day I got to know that he was going to be my tuition teacher. I never wanted my mom to close the door while he was there but my mom used to say that I was a careless girl and would not study properly if the door was left open. When I missed doing my homework, mumma used to hit me in front of him and as soon as she used to leave, he used to put his hands under my T-shirt and rub my back by saying that it would be hurting.
Now he stopped bringing chocolates; instead, he used to blackmail me that he would tell my mom that my homework is not complete and that if I I wanted to stop him from doing that, I should allow him to kiss me. One day when I got low marks in a test and was scared of showing it to my mom, he told me that he would talk to my mom and I would not get any scolding but first I would have to do as he says.
The next thing I remember is that I was lying on the floor with my frock folded up till my neck and that big man was on me and I was not supposed to open my eyes.
All of a sudden I saw my mumma entering the room and then I don’t know what happened but he didn’t come to teach me from the next day. We still used to meet but he never asked me to stay alone with him.
This flashback came to me about 11 years ago when I realised what had actually happened to me. And now that flashback does not go away. It still haunts me, and make me feel bad about my body. I am fighting, I am fighting with a big smile on my face, I am fighting that fear till now.
But what strengthened was the incident from class 6 when I was 11 years old. We (my whole family) went to Vaishno Devi and we were returning on horses. Everything was good and I suddenly noticed that my my horse man’s hand was touching my breasts and I had no idea what to do. I knew it was wrong, I was uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to do. I finally saw my sister coming and by luck got to talk to her for one minute but all I could tell her was “Jiji, this bhaiya is touching me here and there.” And my sister told him, “Bhaiya don’t touch her” and then she went ahead. I was left with him again. He kept doing that the whole way and I kept searching for someone to help me, to save me. But there was no one. Only me, my horse and that man.
Finally, the place came where I had to get down from the horse. And as I came down, that bhaiya came near me and spoke very politely, “Please don’t feel bad for what happened” and went away from there. I kept standing there like a statue, watching my family coming, with big smiles on their faces. I wanted to tell them, I wanted to tell someone but no, I couldn’t, because my mumma had told me before that I don’t have to tell these things to anyone and I stayed quiet.
I was scared, scared of all men around me, but after that I told myself, I won’t let any man touch me ever. I am scared, I am scared even now but yes, nobody can touch me without my permission. Because now I know what I am supposed to do.
Feminist by heart , Atheist by soul. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
Please enter your email address