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We as humans are able to feel a gazillion feelings at once. Isn’t it amazing how we are also able to hide these from the world while living our mundane lives?
We as humans are able to feel a gazillion feelings at once. Isn’t it amazing how we are also able to hide these from the world while living our mundane lives? The story of Savitri tells us how she bottles up her feelings and changes the way she feels instantaneously.
Every evening, when Mohit returned from work, his daughter, Shelja, and the pet dog, Ruffles ran to welcome him. Shelja would jump into his arms while the dog pawed his way in.
Today, they did the same. He held Shelja in one arm and used the other to pet Ruffles. Then he looked at Savitri, smiled and said, ‘peace’. She smiled back.
They looked picture perfect. Happiness radiated from their togetherness as the daughter gurgled with laughter and the dog wagged his tail. Seeing how contented they were with each other Savitri was overwhelmed with emotion. She remembered, whenever she hugged Shelja, she would call out, ‘daddy come, family hug.’ Today, she stood to wait and watch, but neither called out to her to join in the family hug.
Tears welled up within. Wouldn’t the picture have reached perfection if Savitri were a part of it? Why didn’t they include her in their togetherness? But what was stopping her from reaching out and joining in?
Seeing them together, why did she feel like “an outsider, a nobody?”
Hurt, anger, sadness, guilt, love, loneliness overwhelmed her.
Just moments before Mohit arrived, all hell had broken loose. Shelja was throwing a tantrum and Savitri was screaming in anger. Yet now she looked angelic and radiant in her father’s arms.
Savitri felt pensive. Was she hurting because she felt invisible? Or was she angry because they seemed so content within their inner circle? Would he listen if she talked about the tantrum? Or would he indulgently smile and brush it off saying she was overreacting, yet again?
Sometimes she longed for him to surprise her by actually listening to her side of the story and empathize.
Was she guilty for wanting to be a part of the moment, which truly belonged only to Mohit? She understood how calming a hug from Shelja could be after a long days’ work.
She owed him that space and exclusivity with his daughter.
Did she feel lonely because she had been waiting for them to ask her to join in? Did she feel excluded? Would they find her inclusion intrusive?
But was that even their intention?
Heaving a sigh she wanted to cry but that wasn’t an option. She was strong. Yes, Shelja knew which buttons to push but being her mother she couldn’t give in. Yes, Shelja made her feel insecure as a mother but she couldn’t give up.
Why were all these random, confusing thoughts clouding her mind? Why had she become so emotional just looking at them?
Was it because sometimes, Shelja behaved the same way he did? He would belittle her, be stubborn, show attitude or simply look through her. Occasionally he would cut her off making her feel swatted like a fly.
Her vulnerability and insecurity flared up. No matter how many times she repeated to herself, ‘I’m strong,’ it didn’t help. Once a relative had picked up the subtly in their not so good relationship commenting, “it’s interesting how he always manages to put you in your place.”
My place? Why did that feel like a point of no return? Whenever she experienced these emotions, she felt worthless. She felt like a hot air balloon – nothing inside except empty air. Everyone saw the colorful balloon soaring in the sky. But none realized that one misstep and she would either fly away randomly or fall back with a thud incapable of getting back on her feet again.
Ironically, Savitri wasn’t strong enough to stand up for herself but was strong enough to ensure that her true identity (read worthlessness) was invisible to others. Yes, she felt lonely amidst family. She had no friends for she had stopped making an effort when she realized that she had nothing to offer. She was running on empty herself.
She was weary of battling Shelja who was growing up fast. Mohit often made her feel like he didn’t need her. He spent long hours either at work fending for their future or spent his time with his children. He called them his ‘life.’ They were her life too. Why was that hard to believe?
‘Amma, I’m hungry,’ cried Shelja getting off Mohit’s lap. ‘Yeah, serve me too. I’m famished,’ added Mohit.
Savitri snapped out of her thoughts. It was a school night so she needed to put her to bed early. She had better serve dinner before she became cranky again. Mohit too became equally cranky on an empty stomach.
She busied herself in the kitchen. When she caught her reflection on the microwave door she let out a laugh. It was funny how quickly she could bury her feelings and put on the mask of deception.
And life carried on…
Image via Pexels
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Mental Health Counsellor at Viveka Centre for Emotional Support, Relationship Coach at Brideandgloom (https://brideandgloom.in/), Champion on the Love and Relationships community on Sheroes providing emotional support to women and helping them deal with read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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From all news reports, clearly, Aftab Poonawalla seems to be a psychopath, and It was a well-strategized story of domestic violence, abuse, subjugation, and a well-planned murder.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, gaslighting, murder, and abetting violence, and may be triggering to survivors.
One case has gripped the nation and I do not need to mention which. My problem is with how the news reflects a victim’s character. The disrespect we show to someone who was long abused and lives no more is appalling. The disservice we do to her through spoken and written words lies in the sensationalizing of the entire case.
How do you spot a crazy human? They do not have two horns and red eyes. They may have no empathy but will show it to lure the victim, just like a child abuser lures a child with candy. Their grooming styles may vary but it is mostly about creating an untrue sense of safety and security around the victim. They present themselves as this effortless savior, an ultimate generous destination for a mentally and emotionally vulnerable person.
Fathers play a crucial role in nurturing and raising children, so why isn't paternity leave considered essential?
Some time ago, Bollywood couple Ranbir Kapoor and Alia Bhatt were in the news, yet again. An entertainment website, Bollywood Hungama, reported that the expectant father, Ranbir, wished to take paternity leave to spend time with his baby when it arrived.
The website claimed that the actor would not be signing new films for the time being. He would take care of the child, while his wife Alia would return to work at the earliest.
One would think the internet would laud this sweet and thoughtful gesture. Instead, Ranbir got trolled for his decision to be a stay-at-home dad. Netizens made fun of him; they claimed that it was because he had no offers in the pipeline, and Alia was far more successful than him. Others claimed that it was the right decision – his recent films (other than Brahmastra) had bombed, and it was time he reflected on his roles.
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