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Having empathy need not stop with just identifying with another's predicament; 'doers' go beyond this, and offer help in supportive ways. Are you one of them?
Having empathy need not stop with just identifying with another’s predicament; ‘doers’ go beyond this, and offer help in supportive ways. Are you one of them?
“Frankly, I don’t envy you.” This was the comment directed at me in a family gathering. Coming from a woman, the statement told me that she understood and empathized with my situation. Beyond getting validation for my feelings, I felt relieved that someone out there knew exactly what I was going through.
But the more I thought about the statement, I realized I didn’t like being told, ‘I don’t envy you’. Because, what it also tells me is that this person is thanking her lucky stars that she doesn’t have to envy me. Imagine her plight if the roles were reversed! She would be truly envying my stress-free and problem free life. I call people like her the ‘watchers’.
Watchers watch how other people are doing. They see them celebrate, grieve, fight and rejoice. They are constantly comparing their own lives with that of the ‘watchee’ and feel satisfied when they see that they have ‘nothing to be envious about’. They are strangely optimistic people who will empathize but will refuse to do anything beyond that. Although they are extremely polite and courteous, conversations with them are always a lose-win for the watchee.
On the contrary, ‘doers’ are people who do. Like the watchers, they are also kind and courteous. They too have the ability to empathize, but they don’t stop there. As a new mother struggling to settle in a new country, I have met a few doers who have made my day.
Like the woman with four kids at the day care. It was my son’s first day in school and I was moved beyond tears watching him cry. This woman not only empathized (she had gone through this four times) but she shared her ‘first day at school’ story with me. Her kind words came back to me when it was my younger son’s first day at school. Imagine how I would have felt if she had said ‘I don’t envy you’.
Like the mom in the toddler play and learn session. Our kids were playing and we got chatting. Conversation moved to friends and neighbors and I told her that we don’t have a lot of friends. She immediately scribbled her name and number on a piece of paper. That was three years ago. We are great friends now and are a part of a bigger circle of friends. Imagine how I would have felt if she had said ‘I don’t envy you’.
Like another mom friend. When I told her that child care had fallen through and I did not know where to find someone, she promptly packed her two kids in the car and arrived home. Imagine how I would have felt if she had said ‘I don’t envy you’.
Doing doesn’t cost anything. It merely shows that you are human and have a heart. It shows your willingness to share your stories and make the world a better place, one word at a time.
So, are you a watcher or a doer?
Image via Pexels
I am an Indian living in the United States. Family comprises my husband and two boys who keep us on our toes and make us laugh. When I am not chasing them around, I work read more...
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Half a decade ago marriage was a bargain between two famlies. Most of the women were married off to a man who was either well off or who could fend for his wife and family. Today the parameters of marriage have changed. Women no longer marry for the sake of economic security. Their expectations from marriage have changed in the course of years because of their changed status.
As women grew independent, their patterns of choosing partners have changed dramatically. Now women choose men who they feel can satiate their emotional as well as physical needs. Intimacy is no longer the physicality that happened between two people under the supervision of elders of the family for the sole purpose of procreation. Intimacy in today’s marriages involve understanding and fulfilling each other’s emotional as well as sexual needs.
So before you decide to hook up see if you know these five things about intimacy.
The recent Bold Care ad breaks some long standing taboos in Indian society about women's sexual pleasure and erectile dysfunction in men.
The co-owner of the new sexual health brand – Bold Care, Ranveer Singh, recently shared that he wants to focus at creating awareness amongst people about men’s sexual health and aims to provide a tangible solution to millions of people across the country. The new Bold Care ad which was dropped last week has taken the internet by storm. Netizens are ogling at the ad and cannot stop talking about it and how?
The Bold Care ad has created a buzz for multiple reasons. One, because of the unexpected collaboration between the A-list Bollywood actor and co-owner of the brand – Ranveer Singh and (wait for it… drumrolls please) the adult film star Johnny Sins.
People were not ready to see Johnny Sins in an Indian commercial ad and had their jaws dropped to the floor when they saw him dressed in a blue kurta and a golden coat and tie acting in a saas-bahu rip off. The internauts have claimed this unusual duo as the biggest crossover ever – bigger than Deadpool and Wolverine coming together! Second, the ad aims to normalise the stigma related to men’s sexual wellbeing and the ease with which it can be addressed.
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