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Most millennials know of love in the Tinder age, but do they know what it is to really love? Here's some guidance from a couple of classics I have learnt from.
Most millennials know of love in the Tinder age, but do they know what it is to really love? Here’s some guidance from a couple of classics I have learnt from.
In the millennial generation, where relationships are losing the art of knowing each other layer by layer, and the only place of solace is right swipes on Tinder, I stumbled upon this book, The Road Less Travelled – The Classic Work on Relationships, Spiritual Growth and Life’s Meaning by M. Scott Peck.
Peck, a psychiatrist, a writer and spiritual guide, has generously shared his lifelong wisdom to help us build more loving relationships; distinguish between neediness and love, and become the highest possible versions of ourselves.
I also came across The Prophet by Khalil Gibran, where he expresses so much with such brevity, yet making the reader think. Here too, I read of love and different relationships.
Love is the most sought after complex human emotion. Let’s try and unlock the mystery of love and break a few myths so that we can save ourselves a few heartbreaks. Here are few lessons about love that I have imbibed from these two teachers.
The most common misconception about love is the notion that dependency is love. In the romantic love ideal propositioned by Bollywood and fairytales, the delicate balance between intimacy and interdependence is lost, and love borders on the psychological condition of co-dependence.
According to Psychology, those whose lives are governed by dependency needs are suffering from ‘Passive dependent personality disorder’. These people always feel that a part of them is missing, and tolerate loneliness very poorly. Having no sense of identity, they define themselves solely by their relationships. It is as if it does not matter whom they have as long as they have someone.
Love is not dependency.
“Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.” – M. Scott Peck
Mr. Peck has defined love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. The key words here are ‘will’ and ‘growth’.
It means that true love requires effort and willingness to act in loving ways even if one does not feel like loving for the ultimate purpose of growth of our partner and relationship.
“Love is as love does”. – M. Scott Peck
Kahlil Gibran on marriage:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love; Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Love is a beautiful companionship between two people who come together and help each other reach their highest potential without losing their individuality in the process. Each individual has their own destiny to fulfill and identity to be carved.
Genuine love always acknowledges the significant other as a separate individual and encourages their unique individuality.
Both the partners develop their own talents and gifts, stay in solitude, pursue their hobbies, work on fulfilling their purpose and come back to the union to share their gifts and nurture each other.
“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.
Header image is a still from the Twilight series of movies
Shweta Advani is a HR Consultant by profession and a freelance writer. An avid reader,dancer and yoga enthusiast. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
If her home and family seem to be impacted by her career then we expect her to prioritize her ‘responsibilities at home as a woman’ and leave her job.
The entrenched patriarchal norms have always perpetuated certain roles and responsibilities as falling specifically in the domain of either men or women. Traditionally, women have been associated with the domestic sphere while men have been considered the bread winner of the household. This division of roles has become so ingrained in our lives that we seldom come to question it. However, while not being questioned does give the system a certain level of legitimacy, it in no way proves its veracity.
This systematic division has resulted in a widely accepted notion whereby the public sphere is demarcated as a men’s zone and the private sphere as belonging to women. Consequently, women are expected to stay at home and manage the household chores while men are supposed to go out and make a living with no interest whatsoever in the running of the household.
This divide is said to be grounded in the intrinsic nature of men and women. Women are believed to be compassionate, affectionate and loving and these supposedly ‘feminine’ qualities make them the right fit for caring roles. Men, on the other hand are allegedly more sturdy, strong and bold and hence, the ones to deal with the ordeals of the outside world.
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