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What a woman does when confronted by rape, cannot be easily judged. Our focus should be on creating a more supportive society instead.
What a woman does when confronted by the likelihood of being raped, cannot be easily understood or judged. Our focus should be on creating a more supportive society that can heal wounds and nurture dreams.
Less than a month ago, The Quint published a story titled, ‘Can we stop glorifying Padmavati for choosing honour over life?’ The article succeeded in attracting the ire of most of its general audience and some right wing e-media portals for coming up with what they said was a twisted rationale for Jauhar. While the writer argued that Rani Padmavati need not be venerated for choosing honour over life because she was conditioned to believe that rape was a fate worse than death, online critics and trolls laughed at the writer’s understanding of human emotions and history.
Amidst the chaos, the brutal attack suffered by a third party went unnoticed – the idea of ‘Feminism’ in the minds of innocent bystanders who are yet to acquaint themselves with the concept. And it’s not just this once – every time a woman voices her opinion online, a debate on whether she is a ‘Feminist’ or a ‘Pseudo-Feminist’ ensues invariably.
I don’t know about ‘Pseudo-Feminism’. So, let’s talk about what I know with the case in point, shall we?
Why do women commit suicide when the possibility of rape is imminent and inevitable? Is it because they are somehow, somewhere related to men, as suggested by the writer of The Quint article? Or is it because they are scared? Scared of being defiled by crowds of men physically and emotionally? Reluctant to live through a reality of pain and humiliation in the absence of all that they considered family? Carried away by an all-pervasive darkness that whispers nightmares about their existence in the coming moments, perhaps?
Be it a Padmavati or an ISIS hostage, isn’t fear and human ego the reason why some women choose to kill themselves over being raped? The denial of these fundamental emotions under the cloak of feminism and in the pretext of patriarchy is the irritant responsible for all those vitriolic comments and memes against the writer and her portal online.
But was the writer entirely wrong in her stand? I agree that the article was indeed poorly thought out. But her stand certainly demanded a level of introspection that nobody seemed to have sensed or grasped, going by the online reactions to the post.
Is suicide the only choice a woman ought to make when all her efforts to defend herself fall flat? What if a woman chooses to endure the rape and live her life after such an incident? To a lot of people, an option such as this is incomprehensible. “Who would want to live such a life?”, they’d ask and project that lack of understanding onto a victim who survived such an attack, in the form of insensitivity, apathy and of course – the eternal sympathy that wished she were dead rather than live through the ordeal. (Yeah, let’s be honest, many of us wanted Nirbhaya dead too.)
It doesn’t occur to them that staying alive is probably the only choice that she is left with – maybe she has a family to feed – maybe she has responsibilities, dreams – maybe she doesn’t think that a bite by rabid dogs requires her to die – hell, maybe whatever.
Our anger at crimes of violence against women is only restricted to a few bold words and #MeToo hashtags on social media. We call for the execution of the perpetrators, we write an ode to the departed. But, as a society, how many of us would lend a supportive environment for the victim to heal and move on in life?
In this context, does vaginal honour really weigh heavier than life?
Let’s leave that decision to the woman in danger, and instead focus on creating a society that can heal wounds and nurture dreams. Says Feminism. Not me.
Feminism is just another word for human rights, my dear friend.
Top image is a still from the upcoming movie, Padmavati.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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