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Being a working mom can sometimes feel like being a juggler. An honest confession of the madness that having kids and being gainfully employed can be.
When I had my baby girl, I was in love, as all moms are. I didn’t want to leave her for a second. My life quickly became all about diaper changes, sleep times, feeding, burping, and all things baby related. My friends were all new moms, and my outings were all with other moms and babies. I couldn’t imagine ever going back to work, and I was blissfully happy in this life!
Then came baby no. 2, and it began all over again. But this time I was an experienced mom. And within a few months something changed. I decided I was ready for a new challenge. I know I didn’t want to go back to my old career in Investment banking, but I was ready to start something new. And so I did. The journey has been incredible – satisfying, exhausting, emotional, but extremely rewarding. Here are some confessions about it all!
I feel guilty when I do, and guilty when I don’t. I feel guilty when I’m working, and guilty when I’m not. Most times when I’m doing one thing, I feel as though I should be doing the other. I haven’t worked enough, I haven’t spent enough time with the kids. I’ve been at home all day but haven’t managed to attend to lights that needed fixing.
I haven’t yet gotten around to cleaning out the cupboards post Diwali. A light bulb in my kitchen needs to be changed. My vacuum cleaner needs to be fixed. I’ll get around to it.
I love being with the kids, playing with them, cuddling them, enjoying them. But it’s also exhausting, and involves tantrums, diaper changes, and lots of cleaning up after them. Being at work sometimes feels like a much needed break!
This one was a shocker to me. I couldn’t imagine that my kids would be ok without me, that anyone else could look after them as per my standards. Turns out, they are better than ok. They are settled, happy, and thriving. My older one is even proud of having a “mummy that goes to office.”
I feel like a juggler learning the trade. I’ve thrown up all these balls in the air. Sometimes, it all works in harmony and I’m able to catch them beautifully. But those times are few and far between! Most of the time I’m busy picking up balls I’ve dropped and tossing them up again for another try.
All in all it’s exhausting, but also invigorating! It’s frustrating, but also satisfying. There is a lot of self-doubt, but also a lot of growing confidence. It’s turning out to be a really exciting journey – the most difficult part though, was that first step.
Published earlier here.
Image source: mom and child playing by Shutterstock.
Ashni is an entrepreneur and a mom to 2 kids under the age of 5.
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