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How to deal with an abusive partner? The process might not be easy. But worth the effort. Here are 5 ways to deal with an abusive partner.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, you need to act. Sometimes it might work out to be positive, but more often the only option is to end the relationship. Don’t try to do it alone or without a plan and help from others. Here are some tips.
Before taking action, you should first acknowledge the abuse. This is often the longest and most difficult step, as victims tend to minimise the seriousness of their situation. One thing to remember: abuse isn’t just physical violence – it more frequently comes in forms of emotional and/or psychological torment. Don’t wait until you are physically assaulted before you consider your relationship abusive. Accept your situation and take action.
This is a difficult question. The answer is usually no, no matter how badly you want it to be yes. If you’ve faced violence, the answer is a definitive no. If your partner has been abusive more or less since you met them, the answer is no. If your partner’s abuse is a new phenomenon, however, and you sincerely believe that they will accept their wrongs against you and stop immediately, then there may be room to salvage what you have built together. But at this point, your priority should not be your relationship, but immediately getting your power back. Make it clear that you will leave the relationship if your partner doesn’t stop their abusive behaviour immediately, and what exactly will no longer be tolerated. Help from friends, family and organisations can help you during this difficult time.
If you are in an abusive relationship, the most important thing to consider is your safety. If you feel you are in immediate danger, contact the police and try to get to somewhere safe. If you have more time to think, consider who you can rely on for support. Deciding to leave an abusive situation will be difficult and scary. Tell your plans to someone you trust, like a friend or family member. Also consider contacting an organisation that can assist you or give you relevant information on seeking help. Clearly assessing the seriousness of your situation, and knowing what your options are, is essential for making a good decision about what to do.
The time to be most vigilant is when the abuser realises that you are planning to leave. Have a safety plan in place. Use a safe computer or telephone not accessible to your abusive partner, as they may be monitoring your computer usage. Once you decide to leave, know where you will go, whether it’s to a friend or family member, or to a shelter or safe house where you can seek temporary accommodation until you sort out what to do next. When you leave, remember to take your phone, identities cards and other important belongings, as it may not be safe to return for them.
It is a good idea to know your legal rights, especially if you feel you are in danger of physical violence. There are a number of laws you can use to protect yourself from domestic abuse. Laws vary from state to state. Once you know your rights, consider filing charges against your abuser. For more information regarding your rights as a victim of abuse, see here.
Once you’ve made the decision to end things, don’t fall victim to your emotions – just do what needs to be done. It’s not the time to mourn your failed romance – it’s the time to make yourself safe. If you think your abuser will react violently, don’t deliver the news in person. Do it over the phone, or via email or text or letter, sent from far away in a safe place. Keep your words short: make it clear that the relationship is over and that you’re not interested in the possibility of any future. It’s over. Nothing else needs to be said. End things and cut off communication.
You need not fight abuse alone. There are organisations, both at a local and national level, that provide resources that will help you. Friends and family usually have the right intentions, but they may not be the best people to help you. They may even make the situation worse. Reach out to the following sources, as well as organisations more focused in your local area.
Here’s a list of Indian NGOs, state-by-state. And here are a couple of other helpful resources for women in India. You could also call these helplines for anything from legal aid to counselling.
Once your abusive relationship is over, you should reflect on what it was that led you there in the first place. Is this your first abusive relationship, or is it part of a pattern? If so, it is vital that you acknowledge and explore what led you into this pattern, and to address any underlying issues you may discover, otherwise you may be doomed to repeat it. Don’t rush straight into another relationship. Take the time to heal and surround yourself with support, and address the underlying issues.
Love Matters India, a multimedia platform gives information about love, sex and relationships. They are running the initiative #BearNoMore which is a campaign against intimate partner violence. You can join the campaign and make your voice heard here.
First published here. Republished with due permission
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Half a decade ago marriage was a bargain between two famlies. Most of the women were married off to a man who was either well off or who could fend for his wife and family. Today the parameters of marriage have changed. Women no longer marry for the sake of economic security. Their expectations from marriage have changed in the course of years because of their changed status.
As women grew independent, their patterns of choosing partners have changed dramatically. Now women choose men who they feel can satiate their emotional as well as physical needs. Intimacy is no longer the physicality that happened between two people under the supervision of elders of the family for the sole purpose of procreation. Intimacy in today’s marriages involve understanding and fulfilling each other’s emotional as well as sexual needs.
So before you decide to hook up see if you know these five things about intimacy.
The recent Bold Care ad breaks some long standing taboos in Indian society about women's sexual pleasure and erectile dysfunction in men.
The co-owner of the new sexual health brand – Bold Care, Ranveer Singh, recently shared that he wants to focus at creating awareness amongst people about men’s sexual health and aims to provide a tangible solution to millions of people across the country. The new Bold Care ad which was dropped last week has taken the internet by storm. Netizens are ogling at the ad and cannot stop talking about it and how?
The Bold Care ad has created a buzz for multiple reasons. One, because of the unexpected collaboration between the A-list Bollywood actor and co-owner of the brand – Ranveer Singh and (wait for it… drumrolls please) the adult film star Johnny Sins.
People were not ready to see Johnny Sins in an Indian commercial ad and had their jaws dropped to the floor when they saw him dressed in a blue kurta and a golden coat and tie acting in a saas-bahu rip off. The internauts have claimed this unusual duo as the biggest crossover ever – bigger than Deadpool and Wolverine coming together! Second, the ad aims to normalise the stigma related to men’s sexual wellbeing and the ease with which it can be addressed.
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