Do I Really Want A Second Child?

Posted: July 14, 2015

A mother, who has just found her footing back in her career after her first child questions- Do I really want a second child?

There is a tug of war going on in my head from the past few months, and I tried to keep it to myself hoping to find some clarity. As you can see, this whole keeping it to myself business is clearly not peeling any potatoes for me.

Hence, here I am thinking aloud about my mental maraca (read brain) which is filled with soft baby images. No, the images are not of a toddler, it’s of a tiny pink little pea-sized infant. Yes, I am going INSANE.

Weird as it may sound, it actually seems like a bigger life decision to have a second child than whether to have one at all. In the time, when more and more people are opting for a single child or choosing to have no children—especially working women—is this craving for another baby out of place? The biggest question we (me and my partner) are facing is the timing. I am just finding my feet back on the ground after the chaos of infancy and toddlerhood; my career is finally taking a shape. I am still not making a six-figure salary, but I do have a career, and I am enjoying it!

Should I forsake everything again to be changing diapers instead?

Should I forsake everything again to be changing diapers instead? Ideally, the time would be right when baby-1 starts proper school, I start freelancing, hubby buys an SUV, we move into a bigger house, and all that before I reach forty and travel to five countries.

Now who can beat that check-list!

I had a breezy first-pregnancy, but somewhere deep-down I am still not able to shake this overwhelming fear of starting from the scratch. From pregnancy to the middle of the night feedings, am I ready to do it all over again? Conversely, the feel of my changing body, intoxicating baby-smell, chubby cheeks and the whole process of infancy is too strong a feeling to put down.

What about my first child? How will he handle having a little brother or sister? How will he react? Will he be jealous? On the other hand, who will my little man turn to when we are dead? Can friends and relative replace the bonds siblings share?

Phew, I don’t know! I am as confused as when I started writing this post. How about you? How many kids do you hope to have? Did you have a hard time deciding on the second baby?

Do share your views with me!

Pregnant woman and child image via Shutterstock

Beer-guzzling, prawn-devouring, mother of a #sassafras boy and a fish-wife. Ex-physio,

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  1. Priyanka Bali -

    Hi, This is the exact same question I keep asking myself whenever I see other siblings.. How can we deprive our children from the kind of fulfilling relationships that we share with our siblings..When we are no longer around, at-least the child will have someone to turn to…

  2. Hi Mousume, 2 days i was just thinking on your topic, 2 n half years back i got married and sudden after 8 months my mom had to undergo 2 major surgeries , she is suffering from Pancreatic cancer, and still she is fighting with that, she was 4 months in ICU, Fighting..That period when i recall , goosebumps just shiver my whole body, those days were horrible as a elder sister , i thought i should be calm and compose in front of my Dad and my younger Brother, but as the situation passed on , days passed on , My younger Brother, , became my elder Brother, My spouse and my brother were my major support during those days, n even now, my brother is the one who cares for me like my mom n my dad. When we both stand in front of our Mom and crack silly jokes or fight like anything and bit smile of satisfaction comes on the face of my Mom, Mousume you cant predict future, you cant say anything about if your think post 20 years, from the eyes of your daughter, she will be having a very major support, after her mom and her dad, she will have someone who will be with her, at anytime…I know this is the very personal thing, but i just want to share what i have experienced.Good luck Mousume.Take care.

    • Dearest Piyusha,

      I am so glad that you shared your story with me! What you said is just so true. The bond between the siblings is something you can’t compare with your other relationship. I have an elder sister, though we’ve not met for last 6 years (she lives in the US) what she means to me is something inexplicable. Only someone who has a sibling will understand what you and your brother shared in the face of such hardship that your mother is going through.

      I know what you are trying to tell me here, and I completely agree with it.

      Will keep your mother in my prayers. Hopefully she will recover soon.

      And big cheers to you and your brother for standing by with each other.


  3. Thanks a lot Mousume…:) 🙂 🙂 🙂

  4. Pingback: To Have or Not To Have! | Tandem Tantrums

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