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As boys learn what it means to be a man from their fathers, the role of a father in raising a humane man is critical.
#AskingForIt is an initiative by Breakthrough to mobilize communities and get every individual, both online and in the ‘real world’, to speak out and not treat sexual harassment as ‘normal’.
We have been sharing various perspectives around experiences of harassment as well as acting agains it. You can read them all here at the #AskingForIt blogathon
One of our many insidious gifts to the world includes the inclusion of the words ‘eve-teasing’ in the Oxford Dictionary. The entry says, “Definition of eve-teasing in English: noun [MASS NOUN] Indian – The making of unwanted sexual remarks or advances by a man to a woman in a public place.”
I agree with some NGOs who have suggested that it is intellectual dishonesty to label the act of sexual harassment as ‘eve-teasing’ and that, “considering the semantic roots of the term in Indian English, Eve teasing refers to the temptress nature of Eve, placing responsibility on the woman as a tease.” [Wikipedia]
I, as a man and as a father of two daughters have failed to understand the reasons behind such obnoxious criminal behaviour, and my straightforward answer to those wondering why sexual harassment takes place would be that it is a product of sick minds and needs to be punished severely, surely and swiftly.
I know I am being simplistic; such sick minds are a product of a sick society where such attitudes have survived, and have been encouraged by acts of omission or commission over generations.
Two recent events, though not involving sexual harassment, point to the fact that parents either don’t believe that their sons can do any wrong, or will just not admit it. One involved the public display of arrogance by the son of a legislator in Vijayawada, and the other involved a road accident involving the son of a rich businessman in Mumbai. In both cases the fathers refused to acknowledge that the sons were to blame; the first said it was a ‘small matter’ while the second refused to believe that the son could do any wrong (in this case, the son already has an earlier hit and run case pending against him).
But then sexual harassment cuts across social classes, age groups and economic background. Remember the recent case of a middle-aged businessman who inappropriately touched a young woman on a flight, and was caught on camera grinning and ‘apologizing’. Examples abound, but in almost every case the woman at the receiving end gets the blame- why was she wearing what she was wearing; why was she out at so and so time; why was she in an ‘unsafe’ part of the city and so on. And there are apologists for why men behave the way they do – here I recall the infamous words of Mulayam Singh Yadav that ‘boys will be boys.’
Indeed, boys will be boys, but if I were the father of a boy who misbehaved with a woman, I would not only hang my head in shame, I would also do a reality check as to where I failed as a father. I would ensure that even if it was a one-off incident, my son would be punished so severely that he would spend a lifetime regretting what he did. My son would not have to prove his masculinity by being crass and criminal; he would have to earn the respect of women, his peers, parents and family by being human, by being decent; and by caring for the feelings of others, especially women.
I address this to all parents, especially fathers – teach your sons to be men, not animals. One quote by Gloria Steinem comes to mind, (I have quoted it in an earlier post as well) – “We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” Believe me, if we learn to do that we shall be looking at a world where men and women are equal, where decency is the norm, and where words like ‘eve-teasing’ and ‘sexual harassment’ do not exist.
father and son image via Shutterstock
I am a former bureaucrat, and have worked a lot on gender issues, disaster management and good governance. I am also the proud father of two lovely daughters. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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