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Besides worries about safety, public perception of sexual harassment as a ‘minor problem’ to be ignored also deters people from helping.
#AskingForIt is an initiative by Breakthrough to mobilize communities and get every individual, both online and in the ‘real world’, to speak out and not treat sexual harassment as ‘normal’.
We have been sharing various perspectives around experiences of harassment as well as acting agains it. You can read them all here at the #AskingForIt blogathon
Bystanders. The ones who happen to be around. When you’re being sexually harassed in public, some choose to help you, some laugh at you, some stay quiet. Even in the same situation, people have different reactions.
In an attempt to understand why people act (or don’t), I interviewed both men and women I know, of different ages, asking them these 3 questions.
Out of the 25 individuals I asked, only five answered this question with a Yes.
“In bus stops, I have witnessed many sexual harassment incidents. I intervene only when things get out of hand. I have warned the men doing it, and even dropped the girl home if necessary,” says Suvojit Banerjee, an IT professional.
“I have helped out a few times. I imagine myself in the victim’s shoes. That’s why I help them. I threatened to call the police, and helped the girls being harassed move away from the place to a safer location,” says Ankita Arun, a Finance Consultant.
“One of my colleagues was constantly harassed by a man every day. They travelled by the same train, and he would make mortifying comments about her body. I recorded the incident and called the police. He was arrested,” says Ishwarya Murali, a Charted Accountant.
“Once, my friend was being harassed in a bus. I yelled at him, and used my pepper spray. The other passengers were shocked at my actions. But nobody helped my friend. Instead of being horrified at his actions, they were stunned by my actions. Men believe that if they harass a girl in a public place, no one will help them, and I proved them wrong,” says Beena Manohar, a student.
“I reprimanded a guy and slapped him for harassing a young girl. Some men will learn their lesson only when they’re humiliated in public,” says Mukta Murthy, a former bank employee.
Apart from the above examples, most people felt that they could not really help. The most common reasons were fears about one’s own safety, not knowing how to help, worries about the lack of support from others, and a lack of interest in helping a stranger.
“If I did intervene, I would be their next target. It would complicate things for me.”
“The girl should be able to handle herself. She shouldn’t expect knights in shining armour to rescue her every time.”
“I’m afraid of what people might say and think since I would be the only one intervening.”
“Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with me, and usually, by the time I realise what’s happening, the whole situation would’ve gotten really messy.”
“I would help the person, if they were my friend. I don’t see the point in helping strangers. The harassers may physically harm me for helping the girl.”
“I heard of incidents where women’s rights activists have intervened, and lost their lives. They’ve become victims themselves, why should I risk my life?”
“I really don’t know how I can help, or what I can do.”
The most common answers I received cited the following as factors::
Support from law enforcement:
E.g. “If there was a police squad ready to help the girl being harassed, then I would speak up and stand by her until the police arrives.”
Assurance of no judgement from society:
E.g.:
“If everyone stopped blaming the girl, her attire and stop judging the person who helps the victim, then it would help a lot.”
“If more people supported me, then it would be helpful. The more the people, the more powerful the impact. One person can’t make an impact.”
More knowledge:
E.g.: “If I was given training and taught as to how to confront sexual harassers, and how to help the victim being harassed in public, then I would help.”
From these responses, while it is clear that safety is often a concern, as much or more so is the perceived lack of support from others. Clearly, raising more awareness about sexual harassment being a crime, and simple ways in which bystanders can help, will get more people in active mode.
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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