What We Can Learn From Men About Being Ourselves

Posted: March 3, 2015

Do we really know ourselves? Do we listen to ourselves? Maybe we should. Life would be much simpler. Read this article to learn more.

My wonderful husband generally makes breakfast for both of us each morning before he leaves for work.

Needless to say, I wake up feeling special each morning, feeling thankful that he is there and frankly also a bit guilty that he has to do it for me, day after day.

I even caught myself thinking how I must make up to the poor guy soon somehow.

Come Sunday and he slept until 11am.

I woke up earlier and felt glad about having the golden chance to make it up to him and do something for him.

I made coffee, scrambled eggs and laid the breakfast table.

He woke up and kissed me as usual. My heart secretly wanted him to notice how beautiful the breakfast table looked.

But he did not notice. He did not say a word.

I could feel disappointment creeping up within my belly and an urgency to make him see that I had made breakfast for us today but I stopped myself at just the right moment!

Thanks to my own relationship work and tools.

And then, in the very next moment, I tipped off.

He casually took out a pot and put some water to boil.

“I want some tea today,” he declared.

How insensitive of him, I thought to myself!

“I’ve made some coffee already honey,” said I, still trying to appear composed, although I could feel the wild anger surging up within me at what a jerk he was being. You know those knots of tension that develop in the body when someone triggers us?

Was he doing this on purpose to piss me off?

As always, he noticed my vibe. Men always do!

We women think we can hide it but they always know when our outside doesn’t match up to our inside.

He asked me if something was wrong. I deep breathed and said yes.

I shared that I felt sensitive about how today was a rare day when I made coffee for us and he wanted tea.

That he couldn´t even “be nice” and drink coffee for one day, for my sake, when I woke up early just to do it for him!

I could feel the little angry girl within me stamping both her feet and making a fuss as I shared this with him.

And then he laughed out loud. Much to my surprise…

He responded, “Oh darling, thank you so much for doing our breakfast today. I just want to drink tea today. That’s all. It’s not to disrespect your making breakfast for us. Now come let me light some candles and let’s enjoy this together.”

In that moment, I had a choice. And I made the choice to believe him.

After all, he shows me every day through his actions how much he loves me.

I smiled. I let it go.

l breathed and let myself relax in the comfort of his love and his ease with my anger and disappointment. An ease and comfort that I sometimes still forget to have towards my own weird feelings, although I teach it to my clients day and night.

And I remembered once again the simple truth – Men always do what they want!

They do it because they want to! And that’s about it.

They don’t do it because they must.

They don’t do it because they should.

They don’t do it to be nice to us or anyone else.

They don’t do it because they are trying to be understanding or because they know that one must compromise.

They don’t do it from an intellectual place of making the marriage or relationship work.

They don’t see themselves as being the poor guy when they are doing something for us day after day.

They are not in self-pity or victim mode (like we do sometimes when we keep doing things that nobody asked us to do in the first place. Anyone nodding to that?)

They do it because they want to! And that’s about it.

My husband makes breakfast for me every single day because he wants to.

I’m not making him do it and I cannot make him or anyone do anything.

He doesn’t do anything with the agenda of getting returns from me.

He just does it because he feels happy doing it.

And therefore, he also doesn’t feel obliged to drink my coffee when he wants tea. He doesn’t operate from a place of obligation and doesn’t believe in returning any.

And this ladies, is a powerful truth about men (especially independent thinking men, not mamma’s boys) and it will set you free if you apply it to the idea of men in relationships.

A man is with us or pursuing a relationship with us because he wants to do so.

He does not do it because we are nice to him or because of what we do for him.

In fact, in a committed relationship, a man is there because he is making the active choice (just like tea over coffee), each day of the year, year after year, to be in partnership with us and be there for us.

And the same principle applies when he doesn’t want us – it is no surprise that men disappear from relationships all of a sudden when we intellectually think that everything is alright while he knows and feels deep down in his gut that he is not feeling it for us. He just knows he does not want it.

In celebration of our men today, let’s start getting to know ourselves better and what we want and desire for ourselves.

And I want us to learn this from our men.

I want us to be so deeply connected to our feelings that we also feel deep down in our gut when something feels off, that we also feel no obligation to say yes when we want to say no and that we practice being our this-is-what-I-want-and-this-is-what-I-don’t-want authentic selves 100% of the time.

And this, our men, teach us by example, each day of our lives, if we care to look closely.

In celebration of our men today, let’s start getting to know ourselves better and what we want and desire for ourselves.

To knowing and having and doing all what we want!

Image of black board via Shutterstock

As a certified love and relationship coach, I help women reconnect with their feminine energy

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