Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Don’t judge women based on whether they wear the ‘symbols’ of marriage, or choose not to. The imperative word here is: Choice.
Yes, these three adornments are the quintessential signs of being married. You love them or you hate them you have to wear them. Why? Because that is the unwritten rule; that is what our moms, their moms, our moms-in-law, and their moms-in-law did.
I’ve been married for a decade now…and very happily so, and I don’t adorn myself with any of these three. Ten years and two children later I am still questioned by well-meaning aunties, friends, house helpers and sometimes even complete strangers about my refusal to wear these important pieces signifying my marital status.
I used to get intimidated by their scrutinizing gaze and used to become defensive – my responses used to range from being allergic (not mentally, but physically) to them, husband disapproving of it, to simply forgetting!
I guess with age and experience I have become braver. Now I am direct – I simply tell them I don’t want to and it’s quite amusing to see their aghast expressions; their disapproving looks! Their body language, the look on their face is enough to tell me about the judgements they are quietly passing about me in their heads. Mentally, they declare me as being too ‘forward’, too ‘modern’ and I am sure they get quite concerned about what values I would be passing on to my children.
I have heard people saying that refusal to wear these significant pieces is because married women are trying to appear ‘unmarried’. I somehow fail to understand this logic when I constantly see women carrying their children in their arms (or some kids dragging behind their mothers, or some mothers running behind their kids, or in umpteen such, often hilarious, positions) – the epitomic symbol of being married. And for those who don’t have kids, the husbands are often arm-in-arm.
Some also very concerned ones suggest that we should because there is a lot of science behind it…maybe there is or maybe there is not…I don’t know, and never bothered to find out either. It’s like a vegetarian refusing to consume eggs albeit knowing the science behind its benefits; for no science can be bigger than one’s personal choice.
A matching bindi with a lovely sari can never go wrong after all. What we need to be against is the culture of ‘you should’, the culture of compulsion.
I am not a crusader against these ornaments and they are actually quite attractive. A matching bindi with a lovely sari can never go wrong after all. What we need to be against is the culture of ‘you should’, the culture of compulsion. For nothing should be forced upon us, whether it is by virtue of a relationship or a custom. What we should not tolerate are the judgements we tend to pass because of what one is or is not wearing.
What I am arguing for is the right to choose – the right to wear what we want, when we want, how we want. It’s one’s personal choice – let us learn to respect it. And it is not just about these ornaments – it is about so many other choices women make. Let us broaden our horizons a bit and start respecting women irrespective of whether they choose to work or not, whether they choose to get married or not, whether they choose to have a child or not, whether they choose to cook or not, whether they choose to have long hair or not, whether they choose to wear a short skirt or not.
There are enough people to pull us down – our patriarchal society is unfortunately full of them. As women, the least we can do is not to pull another one down.
There are enough people to pull us down – our patriarchal society is unfortunately full of them. As women, the least we can do is not to pull another one down. If we cannot understand her choices let us remain quiet instead of passing judgments. If we cannot admire women who follow their heart, do what they want, we certainly have no right to mock them either.
So to begin with, let us stop judging women who don’t display their marital status on their toes, forehead, or wrists. They don’t love or care for their husband any less than those who choose to wear these. They are as committed to the long-life and well-being of their husband as much as any other married woman is. I refuse to accept and believe that such minor elements can be the cornerstones of a healthy, happy marriage.
Wear them because you want to not because someone somewhere said that you have to!
Note: bicchiyas refers to toe-rings
Woman wearing bangles image via Shutterstock
In no particular order she is a mental health professional, founder of www.weqip.com,
This is so true! I too have faced it so many times even before my marriage because I loved to wear rings and toe rings. It was hilarious getting people uncomfortable by telling them I like to wear them and these are not symbols of marriage in our culture. I am a Sikh but just spiritual so it was real fun. Lovely post.
Thanks for your comment and sharing your experience 🙂
You are judged for not wearing then; you are also judged for wearing them. Do what you want, its your life. And you get it only once.
True that Himani 🙂
I too strongly agree to what u have written here. I dont like wearing bangles etc as they make me feel handcuffed. Pleasantly, I didn’t have to fight for it as my husband holds the same opinion about wearing or not wearing them regularly.:)
My sentiments exactly. You’ve written it beautifully. It should be a choice not a compulsion.
Brilliantly said 🙂 I don’t judge anyone who wears and I don’t want to.be judged because I don’t wear any of the said tags that say Married in big bold letters. And to top it all I don’t even have magalsutra in my culture 🙂
This is so very true.. I feel the same way as well. But unfortunately, if i dont wear sindur my husband thinks i want him dead. We say we have become moder and we have embraced globalisation, but here is where we still stand.
It’s a sad society for women. If you don’t wear these ornaments aunties and grandma’s make that disgusting , disappointed face. If you do wear then your peers and colleagues make fun of you and disrespect you in the process. If you defend your freedom then you are a shameless feminist ( understand, feminist here is a bad word). If you don’t defend aggressively then you are meek, dumb stereotypical female suppressed by this patriarchal society and have forgotten that you can have a say…. Really sad society for women and only women are responsible for it.
I completely agree with you Kanika! I have found myself in situations where i have been mocked for wearing a mangalsutra. But i like wearing it…and a ring…and toe rings! I feel more beautiful when i adorn them. Does that make me a regressive woman ‘following old traditions’ or ‘not modern enough’? As you rightfully said, I too, dont deserve to be disrespected because i choose to wear what like. It is indeed a sad society where you are judged based on what you wear or donot wear 🙁
Very well written saumya… I totally agree with you. When I was reading this article, I felt as if it has been written about me. I am also married since last 10 years with a 4 years old son. We are a very happy family ( Touchwood). I have faced one very strange comment that if you don’t wear all this then it means u r nt happy with your marriage. All bull shut…I am happy the way I am n will only say that it’s our life and it’s entirely our right that we want to follow these rules or choose to make free choices….
I live out of India and usually don’t like wearing all these and get away (am not judged by aunts and relatives. However once I was with my hair-dresser(an Italian) who remarked I was being bad by not having any wedding ring/ band on my left ring finger… I agree our tradition puts onus on women only ( guys are not supposed to wear anything) but will like to say, customs, rituals are marks of civil society and maybe they are not fair in Indian society ( could be many reasons, being ancient seems the best) but every society has them. To be a part of it, you have to follow them.
Totally agree.. reading the article reminds me of an incident happened a couple of months after my marriage.. one aunty telling me to get my nose pierced and I clearly telling her NO “as I don’t like my nose pierced” and an unaccepted look she gave to me. On other hand I love wearing toe rings I use to wear them before marriage and still wear them..
That’s our story saumya , it’s my 10th yr of marriage, I don’t wear them coz I don’t want to 🙂 I match my bindis to my saree , there r many around me these days who name me on this n for this , but that’s all okie coz it’s their problem not mine .I have put my foot down I have become brave I will wear them only if I want to !! I respect my personal choice 🙂
Even I don’t believe neither follow this..I feel marriage is much more above these things .. For me simple reason I give to all those people who are more interested in my life is its my choice my liking I’m a human being not a decorative piece
Beautifully written article Saumya! I have always had this question in my mind as to why ornaments have to be worn under compulsion, why married women have to apply “sindoor”? This labelling is just done for showing ownership of a woman by a man which is ridiculous! I am unmarried and I love dressing up…wearing jewellery and bindis! But will never do so under any compulsion !! Hope people understand the significance of “choice”!
This is really true.. But I dont understand why is it difficult for everyone to understand the freedom of choice. People tend to be open minded but when it comes to marriage they become superstitious..Especially restrictions follow only for women.
Bindi etc are still manageable .. Restrictions on ethenic wear .. Saree on daily basis .. Comon .. its our personal choice !!
Lovely post…. This is so true…. Me too get this type of comments even from my friends I mean girls of my age…. Why u r not wearing bindi….??? I mean what is ur problem, I don’t like wearing one on jeans…. So I won’t….
Thanks for showing the reality, There is a saying Women is a enemy of women, Our society should change, we need to change then Women in India will progress, she will become successive in every field.
Very true said samuya………Yes we dont pretend to be unmarried but we dont have to wear with rules .We will wear when we want to we should not wear when other want . I m punjabi but married to hindu so i face these problems sometime . But i try them to make them understand my feeling .Sometime it work and sometime not. I dont want to be like others I want to be myself .
Women in cities are still well off…who have open minded husbands and in-laws, but lets think about women in smaller towns….they have no choice of their own and have to behave and do everything as per what others want. They have far too many restrictions that we cannot even imagine! Head should always be covered, should not come in front of men, wear a saree 24X7! They donot even know the reason for 99% of the things they are doing…they just follow everything blindly. Saumya, your article would be very liberating for them to read, because they too have a right to follow their own choice and release themselves from these societal shackles.
What you have said here is true. It only give some kind of protection if you show one of these 3 symbols when you are on the street from rude sightings or attacks or some kind of physical abuse. One thing which is inherent in male mind is NOT TO DISTURB A MARRIED FEMALE. There are males who take advantage of married female also I do not deny. Any strong person would like to possess 3 things in life LAND, MONEY & FEMALE. If he is brought up with moral teachings he understands that he has to earn these 3 things in life. You have freedom to choose how you wish to live.
strong man wants to possess land , money and female? what kinda strong man is this? does this strong man has head full of horse shit? He doesn’t knw the difference between material things and a human being.plz remind your strong man…human beings can’t be possessed.
I am not a big ornaments person and neither is my mum! We wear what “goes” with our outfit! But at my in laws house it’s a different story and I need to adhere to the rules, doesn’t matter if I live overseas; whenever I am in India, I need to stick by the traditions and have the “I am married ornaments” under my belt at the time of landing, otherwise it will all be too controversial n eventually my mum will be blamed for my upbringing! That sucks and hence it’s easier to just “do it” even if it doesn’t mean a penny to me or my husband! Whatevs, really
I completely agree with you. There’s another side to this as well; people who love to were this are ridiculed by some so called “cool” women. I love wearing toe rings and mangalsutra and even bangles sometimes but few of my married and single aquaintances keep pulling my leg as to why I wanna be such a “pativrata”. I wear it because I love it not because I have to! The bottom line is IT’S YOUR CHOICE.
The best part is that women/girls who are your contemporaries/friends ,professionals and highly educated judge you and tell you that there is a culture that you have to adhere to, post marriage. And wearing bindis, sindoor, mangalsutra is a part of it. Makes me feel hopeless.
Kindly “revisit” your reply!!…….A bit of maturity wouldn’t hurt you know!
@Akshita..All our customs traditions are so much ammended over time in such a way that finally we are in a situation where it is becoming a matter of choice.. and not knowing those objectives is our problem.. World wouldn’t be so peaceful if everyone starts doing what they want and how they want.. Do we have the knowledge how these customs and traditions are connected to our well being of society? Does any one of us know how these dots are connected? Ask yourselves… That’s why I quoted as when we don’t know the game, let’s not make rules.. Every culture In this world has something to offer for the well being of the society so that ppl live in harmony and peace.. As an analogy.. In our childhood we all were taught like.. Sun raises in the east and sets in west.. But in reality is that right? Does sun ever rises or sets? Then why we were taught so.. or why were just forced to accept it at that time? It was taught us so.. because we didn’t had a broader maturity.. and so is this.. Can you now position yourselves where is your maturity now? Please give it a thought.. Thank you !! Have a good one..
Interesting article! We have a lot of compulsory customs ourselves in the Arab world. My wedding was labeled as “too modern” while my husband and I thought it was simply perfect and respectful to all our guests. Freedom of choice is beautiful no matter what people say.
Well said girl! The choice should be left to us indeed! I ve faced wierd suitations where guys have told me I should carry a bindi (big enough to be visible) at a distance. I say, atleast we carry our traditions during functions or poojas or marriage most of the guys get comfortable with their jeans most of the time. Annoying! !! Opt and choose wat u want to be!
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Agree with the aforementioned. Add to the choices the choice to change your last name as a woman.
Well said! These days, I tell people it is because my son will pull the chain. It will hurt him.. blah blah.. But hats off to u for being straightforward about it….
Eh… I am one to admit that I don’t wear bindis and bangles and anything to symbolize my married status in the indian traditional way. I am not disillusioned about it being my choice though. I think it comes from careful image tarnishing of women who do wear their mangal sutras and flowers on their heads. I wish I could just fearlessly wear my bindis and bangles proudly and walk around.. But I am scared of what my peers would think and tag me as this conservative/boring wife. So I conform, like the rest of us, to fit into an image of modern, outgoing, independent woman. There is nothing wrong in admitting to that. Although I know what I wear does not and should not define me- I am as strong, as wild, as fun loving, as crazy in my sindoor and bangles. I think people who question you about your mangal sutra and bindi, at least do it to your face and are far fewer than people who judge you harshly, behind your back, when you do wear them loud and proud. Just saying.
Very Well Said Saumya… People should change there mentality with tym… The slogan shud be Live n Let Live… Why only women to change everything after get married after making the biggest change or sacrifice(Leaving their parents house and settling to a complete new house with new people all around)
nice article, was also making lame excuses till now, but now i can say i am not, coz i don’t want to… 🙂
Yesss…completely agree with u…& following same route but after 14 yrs of marriage still struggling …but I m happy…
Well so rightly put thoughts.each n every word depicts truth and seems like it has been written for me..I still remember a few months post marriage when I had a straight confrontation with mil on this… Wow… I feel its women mentality that needs to change. I hope we would at least be better with our next gen.
Hi Saumya, You have written nice blog with loud and clear perspective. But I would like to add point just like a vegetarian doesn’t prefers to have egg similarly a non vegetarian should not be laughed by vegetarian for having steak. I am quoting this because even at work place females who act tomboy or don’t prefer to wear any of these feel delighted to mock on desi look girls. Sometimes people are in such a swing to proof how cool, different and way ahead of crowd that they start hurting and judging around.
Hey Saumya…i can so connect with ur article…happened just 3 days back ,i went to see my inlaws and the 1st thing my mom-in-law did is she started searching for something in her bag…someone asked what she’s looking for , she said “Bindi…see my daughter in law not wearing any of them …bindi,bichiya,sindoor” i am like come on i have been travelling whole night…can u ask for a glass of water before this.I usually put all these on b4 facing her..but high time now…we wear stilettos and a toe-ring hurts…we cant wear bindi’s with western wear….we all r women and we love ocassional dressing up with all saree,makeup and ornaments but we are also working porfessionals and we dont have time and willingness to put all this stuff on while running for office.
so true….. it feels so bad.
Even I don’t wear these symbols of being married. I too have been questioned many times.I tell them that If wearing Sindoor would assure husbands long life then no Hindu woman would ever be a widow. And if a husband is in ICU then wearing all the sindoor available would not bring him back but my love and care could which cant be measured with the amount of Sindoor on my forehead. Toe rings hurt so bad that I can never wear them. Mom says because you are married you should take all the pain of these symbols because its good for husbands long life. And I say, if taking pain gives him a long life then I should cut myself with the knife a little everyday so that he lives forever. Luckily the woman of our generation are changing so we can definitely hope that in future these things wont be mandatory.
Being a Muslim, I dont wear bindhis but there is something I can relate to, being a woman. I personally dont like any piece of jewellery, be it a ring or earring and I get “the look” for that! lol The point is, what we wear is our wish as long as it doesn’t offend anyone. My husband is happy I don’t like jewellery- less shopping and less expenses!
I do not know how trivial it will look to you but rituals change from time to time, and believe me they follow a definite pattern throughout the world. “Baggie pant and T-shirts” were common in 90s, but now they look awkward, isn’t it. Females in India have also changed their styles phenomenally to not only to look better but also to look smart.So change is the phenomena of life.There are enormous numbers of behavioral patterns a woman follow to please/impress a man (not necessarily her Husband), and a man does to please a woman (not necessarily his wife),and they have to do it because we are not living in isolation, and we have to show what we posses (instead of boasting about it which seems un-mannered). A man wears a Rolex watch on a premium textured suit, drives in Rolls-Royce and keeps a high priced leather wallet, just to show that he is more successful, than those who don’t have it. By seeing such a person, a man definitely will envy him, but women will say “Wow”, what a luxury. This is behavioral pattern which demands investment of energy and brain and in turn shows that you are having a better DNA inside you. According to Darwin, a Trait (Gene) which seems fit in present, may not be in future. If an Tsunami/Quake comes and leaves nothing behind, a person with more wild traits will only survive. Anyway we do many things unknowingly (and please do remember more than 95% of your body’s functions are out of your control, and controlled by concentration of some molecules. alas!!). You yourself has wore Sari on many occasions (don’t you think its also a stigma on woman), and you indeed have got compliment for it “That you are looking beautiful”. Have you ever thought, why do we all (let alone humans) in the world try to look beautiful and strong and smart? There is an inherent genetic basis to all these, which we have evolved through ~3 billions of years of evolution. And I will request you to go through some books on Animal Behavior and Sociobiolgy, I am sure you will get answers to many intriguing questions of yours. Please let me exemplify it: Why do a woman wears a vermilion ? It shows that you are married, this means you will invite fight with a man if you dare touch this woman. And you know females have always been a rare friend to posses, they not only take care of you, your family but also help you to multiply you DNA (so Selfish Genes again)and males do fight for females in almost all mammalian species is an established fact. So you might ask, why don’t man wear vermilion, well he wears a beard, moustache, a rogue look on face and a well build body to show to other man that don’t fight me. Those who don’t posses these are really vulnerable in wild (a Laborour will not hesitate to beat Mukesh Ambani if both of them have to survive in wild). But now the scenarios have changed woman can show their capability and smartness by several other means and similarly man can also, and they are doing it. I know many woman who don’t really wear any vermilion (or wear it in a way almost invisible, so that they can look unmarried to others). You have to have a knowledge of behavioral biology to understand many of things which look stigmas or rituals to you. I do agree very many rituals today are devised by some fanatics having no scientific background, but are changing drastically as anything which is unnatural and unbearable will automatically be discarded. Nature and life are very conservative, it cannot posses anythings which requires input of energy but no output. ( We die naturally when the outputs becomes negative). The world is changing and it is always welcomed by a Geneticist. And if you don’t agree with me, then you have to have behave like a Sanyasi. Keep with you the things which are necessary for survival. Don’t wear expensive ornaments, watches, saris, bangles either; don’t drive in a luxury vehicle, live in posh colonies and costly bungalows.You will then truly become a spirited soul that day. With all respect to you, Can you do it Madam??.
I have travelled across the length and breadth of India and I have not seen one person who is a beggar, who is a thief. Such wealth I have seen in the country, such high moral values, people of such caliber, that I do not think we would conquer this country, unless we break the very backbone of this nation, which is her spiritual and cultural heritage, and therefore, I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system, her culture, for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own, they will lose their self esteem, their native culture and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation.”
Speech to the Britsh Parliament, (1835)
This proves, Indian Culture was of such a great quality during 1835 and today india is filling with your mentality people who hates indian culture. It feels so sad!!!!
Mate, you missed the point entirely. CHOICE, CHOICE, CHOICE!!!!
Thank you Shripad for the sensible cooment. I agree with you.
Why is it that we feel bindis or bangles are “uncool” . Is it because of the so called “Westernization” / “development” of our country where we feel the need to bash up our own culture? Why is it that we have to ape the West all the time.. Be it dressing , or our food habits, or the way we speak to elders these days.. We have become a sort of a caricature of the West. (Why would we name our HIndi Film Industry as Bollywood.. lol). Yes, it’s totally one’s choice to wear anything that they want. But I feel we should stop blaming our society for everything. Aren’t we the society? Who are we blaming then? If someone is truly not bothered about what other people speak, then we should’nt go ahead and make a big issue about it. Just ignore and your work is done 🙂 :-). The thing is, we should realise , we are what we are because of the society we are in, and honestly it’s not too bad 🙂 🙂 . If we were not to be bothered about anyone, we would still be living like animals. We feel happy if someone compliments us, we feel angry if someone puts us down. We do have feelings but we can’t stop people from passing comments. Totally upto us to take it in the right spirit. To be honest, I was a girl who grew up wearing only t-shirts and jeans. I got married and I’m a stereotypical daughter-in-law. But no one ever forced me to wear anything I didn’t like. Instinctively, my dressing changed , I wear a bindi . I wear a single bangle. I find it odd if i don’t wear a toe ring 🙂 :-). Truth is,, I love being dressed like this. My younger cousins and even aunts think I have become a “behenji” .. lol.. But I love being this way my husband feels I’m looking lovelier than before. I mean you gotta change with age. I find a 60 year old lady looks really graceful in a saree compared to a pair of trousers with a top. We can’t live in diapers all through our life
If you love dressing like that, you should – the author isn’t judging you nor has she stated that Indian clothing is uncool in any case.
“I mean you gotta change with age. I find a 60 year old lady looks really graceful in a saree compared to a pair of trousers with a top” – and would you say the same to a 60 year old man? How man 60 year old men dress in Indian clothes on a daily basis? How is it that all these requirements to look graceful only apply to women?
I don’t feel bindis and bangles are uncool, I just don’t like wearing them. I don’t like sarees, as they are uncomfortable and I cannot move. I live in America, and have participated in many office meetings. In these, too, I do not wear the regular attire for ladies (pencil skirt and white blouse). I wear a suit. I prefer my comfort and my ease instead of wearing makeup and bindis and bangles. To be quite frank with you, they are all quite annoying. Say it is hot and your makeup smears, or your bindi comes off, and your bangles break. What would you do then?
Nicely written saumya I got married recently ..n I recall a incident that few days after my wedding I removed my toe ring because with few of my sandals It used to hurt me and me and my husband both don’t recall of where I kept it and never wore it since then..my husband , mom , mom in law said nothing about this.when I was invited to my relative s house my aunt started asking in full shock as to why am I not wearin toe ring , why is my mangalsutra so small and thin .then she told me I should wear toe ring because when the silver comes in contact with the toe it is good for a women’s uterus and hence married women wear it for better married life ..n my husband too was thinking it’s true..I too felt may be I should for that reason . I really don’t know if it s true . I do wear big mangalsutra , bindi etc when I’m around relatives and In laws place only coz they will be happy and I have no problem with that . But many parents and In laws have become lenient in this matter nowadays , the pressure is from these aunties and uncles who think they know everythin
Well, dressing one self is one’s beauty… Which is unique for each individuals.. Restrictions, compulsions , mandatory things are really not required for any individuals.. Living our own life of our own choice is what needs to be respected and loved.. There is no such thing called modernisation even old generation of ours did face similar situation not only in here but all over the world… One thing if we see right from history its always females who are always restricted in the name of traditional values. Traditional values are nothing but practices.. This traditional values of each groups which in turn became different community with different variants of dressing… And still the same is which we have taken as fashion statement or traditional values.. Whatever “Female” does either its complimented or commented.. Just enjoy the way you wanna live, coz life just too short for any of us to decide if we are right or wrong.. Coz there is no such thing called “Right” or “Worng”.. Coz each one is correct according to themselves.. Life is short give your best shot…;)
actually they should not wear. only if men wear ring they can wear any one of ring, mangalsutra or sindhoor.
This is very true.. and I am totally agree with this. Even I faced this situations and I am facing too. U spoke what my heart always say. I always refused to wear this ornaments and even some customes that is really doesn’t mean anything. Everybody from decades did what they felt for their religion and follow the same as a compulsion for their tradition or respect for their religion or else for their respective one.which is actually the man and their society create for their religion. Every human being on this earth are same only they bounded by their custom and traditions, but very few of them knows the value of some of their rituals.and others are blindly follows what others are following.. I just want to say , women has all the writes what they want to do or what they don’t want too. So, appreciate, respect women either she is following or not following her customs. U can not judge women by what she is wearing. Because marriage is not the punishment it’s wonderful relationship which is accepted by two person who are totally free to do whatever they want to do in their life without any compulsions..
Superb.Some girls don’t face it but majority of the girls do.very few have the courage to say NO.But internally they all feel the same.
Hi, I applaud you for this article. I remember asking my mom as a child, if a woman’s husband died and she couldn’t wear her bindi anymore, is the reverse true as well? That if a man’s wife died, should he start wearing a bindi? Never mind science, an education, equality, if you have a daughter, teach her to be willed into submission because otherwise what will society say tomorrow? No one realises that you can replace any girl with any other girl if all you care about is the three Bs, what you cannot replace is what she brings to her family, her husband’s family. I wonder what they would do if she wore all the bindis and bangles and behaved like a perfect bitch, they shouldn’t be complaining because in addition to the three Bs, they have a fourth B. They should be celebrating, if anything. Because come on, she is wearing her ornaments. How lucky are you!
Where does “choice” come from ? Is it because of what you perceive as “choice” or what someone else does. Do we dress for ourselves or dress for others? I know everyone would say , “I dress only for myself” , but we all know that it’s not the complete truth right , 🙂 :-). I guess we as women have started feeling this way by looking at other women. We immediately think of someone as really trendy and fashionable the minute she is in some western outfit, no matter how uncomfortable she is in her tight dress, or how difficult it is for her to walk in high heels. Again, it’s totally upto the individual and it’s best if one dresses up based on their comfort / situations / or climatic conditions. I mean if you think about it, women in India weren’t used to wearing blouses at all .. If you see the photographs of our goddesses like Lakshmi, Saraswathi , they all wear blouses. I mean who were the tailors who stitched blouses for them. It’s kinda funny to think 🙂 🙂 . There is no concept of mangalsutra even in the Vedas if I’m not wrong. Ours was an extremely liberal culture / society where women could wear whatever they wanted to. Guess over the years, due to a lot of invasion from other cultures, our tradition has somewhere got diluted. But what I feel really bad is the fact that we are always the first ones to just keep speaking nonsense about “our country”, “our culture” , “our tradition” , “our society” saying it’s too bad , women are always disrespected, women are always judged. The truth is women are harsher to women compared to men . We are the ones mocking at someone’s sense of dressing, someone’s make up, someone’s relationships etc etc. I mean we could do other better things than wasting our precious time on someone else’s personality. But, I would also like to point out the fact that we totally follow what the westerners do blindly. I mean till a couple of years ago, very few people would practise yoga. Now after the Americans have started patronizing yoga , we have power yoga centres in every nook of the country. 🙂 :-). ( A hypothetical situation – It won’t be surprising if Americans start wearing kurtas and bindis, and more women start wearing that. 🙂 🙂 .. Infact, even while browsing through blogs on Ayurveda, most of it is written by “foreigners” even though it’s origin lies in our history. I know my reply is no way related to the post 🙂 🙂 . But let’s all be a little less harsh on ouselves, our loved ones, our friends, “all the typical Indian men” out there . :-). And most importantly, I feel we should get to know more about our history / culture rather than just rubbishing it and feel a lil proud of what we are. Have a great day everyone 🙂 🙂
I got married recently and was to go to Thailand for my honeymoon. Before I left, my mother-in-law said, “Beta, don’t keep your wrist empty even if it is another country. Always wear atleast one bangle. It is our tradition. We may be modern but we don’t need to show too much modernity.” I was taken aback by this direct comment. I had been married for all but 7 days! But my only response to her was a smile. Nothing more, nothing less.
Hello All,
I really appreciate your views.. but that is not true .. even if you stay in a big city.. even if you are well educated.. doing well in career.. Recently my friend who has very good career.. has studied overseas and well settled has this problem.. and I did not know .. how to answer her .. so I am posting it here , so that you guys can help her.She is married for more than 4 years now and her husband wants to divorce her , since she does not wear chudi and sindoor all the time… they had enough fight from past 4 years about this. Now she is 5 months pregnant and her husband has given her warning that since she does not follow tradition, even he will not follow tradition and have an extra marital affair or divorce her . She has 2 choices first one to agree with what her husband says, kill her own desire and wear bangle and sidoor and loose her self respect in due course of time. second choice is to put her foot down and say that she does not want to wear and ask her husband to do whatever he wants .
Please suggest
omg… i am an ummarried gal and i have faced this on the other side, like old acquaintances and aunties simply stare at you neck before asking sneakily asking so where do you stay now? and it is simply the most annoying thing
Very true…..i feel d same….but wenever i dont put on bangles or bindis or watever my literate mom in law thinks i want her son to b dead…..so sad…
i strongly condemn the practice of sindoor and mangalsutra along with any such symbols which ‘displays’ a girls marital status..a girl needs to take a stand that she is NOT A PROPERTY that is taken ..that is marked sealed…
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