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The journey of finding a suitor teaches one a lesson or two. Here's a story of rebellion for a cause - to find Mr. Darcy!
The journey of finding a suitor teaches one a lesson or two. Here’s a story of rebellion for a cause – to find Mr. Darcy!
One of the top 5 entries for November’s Muse of the Month writing theme, with the cue “The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!” from Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility.
I was never a Mills and Boons fan.
I’ve always fancied a rather unconventional type; I’m not prejudiced against ‘tall’ ‘dark’ or ‘handsome’, but he had to have something: maybe a pair of spectacles, a slightly twisted nose, a mole, a scar or crooked teeth. Not a run-of the-mill man. A mature, cerebral, brooding type…with a mind of his own…much like a ‘desi’ Mr. Darcy.
Where was I going to find such a man? In fact, what chance did I have of finding such a man? Here I was, in 20th century India, and Mr. Darcy lived in the yellowed pages of the Victorian era. Where was the similarity?
Or maybe there was – in the mindset, the thinking that went into ensnaring the right guy. Regardless of where and when I lived, why did I feel that when it came to finding a man, the same criteria applied?
When Mrs. Bennet exalted her daughters to find a rich man, it was amusing.
When Baba and Ma looked at a prospective groom’s pay package with more interest than the actual man himself, it wasn’t amusing. “The man has to be well-settled, with a well-paying job, so he can keep you happy.”
Was that enough to keep me happy? – I asked myself.
I wasn’t allowed to ask questions. I was the girl, wasn’t I?
I was supposed to balance the tea tray and plates of kande pohe, sit demurely with the heavy saree threatening to trip, and look homely. How would I know if I’d found my Mr. Darcy, if I couldn’t look at him properly? I had seen his passport-sized photograph, and that should be enough, I was told.
I wasn’t meant to be too smart or try asking questions, except about hobbies. Was I asking for too much when I wanted to speak about more? No! I could talk all I liked after marriage, I was told. Not now, in case I said all the wrong things.
I have always been a little unconventional myself, imagining myself to be Elizabeth. I was a dreamer. It was all those books I’d been reading!
So I was on ‘kande pohe’ number 15. Previous statistics were names with degrees and faces with salaries.
What happened from number: 1 to 14?
Near hits & misses, rejections, disappointments, frustrations, and disenchantment. No regrets. The rejection wasn’t one-sided. Thank goodness my parents gave me the right to say ‘No’ too.
It was a formal, impersonal, and business-like way of finding Mr. Right. Tick the boxes; mentally, and then add the tick marks. If they added up, you had a winner.
Where was the love? That would come afterwards, I was told. You will learn to love. First adapt, adjust, and love follows.
Then why did I feel the need to fall in love?
The more men [and their parents] I met in ‘kande pohe’ sessions, the more it put me off arranged marriage. Money, caste, status, horoscopes, dowry made me more sceptical and disillusioned.
“The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!”
I would go through the motions; I was getting to be an expert in this ‘kande pohe’ routine: dressing in minutes, tray adeptly balanced, confident and poised, I no longer looked down or sat demurely. I looked at the groom and his entourage fearlessly, not caring about the outcome.
Reaching Man number 15, I was at my rebellious best. Uncaring about wearing a saree, donning a work salwar kameez, refusing to carry the tray, I wasn’t going to be ‘seen’ or be ‘shown’.
No one was going to inspect, scrutinize, check out, or study me.
So, I did exactly what the other party usually did to me. I asked questions, voiced my opinions, and gave him a piece of my mind about what I thought of arranged marriages and the world in general. And said ‘No, thank you’. It was my revenge for all the people who had said ‘No’ to me!
By a stroke of fate, man number 15 said ‘Yes’. Why he said ‘Yes’, I will never know.
Despite me ripping his ego to shreds, interrogating him like a detective…he said ‘Yes’.
I was compelled to rethink my decision. Who was this man? Did he not have any pride? Going against his parents, saying ‘Yes’ to this badly behaved girl, when she had said ‘No’!
So we met again. I saw him with different eyes. It was as if a dam had burst. I could only think of one thing: I had found my Mr. Darcy.
Was it Mr. Right, is the million-dollar question!
Pic credit: Image of a groom via Shutterstock
I love writing about anything that makes me laugh, cry, salivate, roll my eyes or pull my hair out. I've just written a book called 'A-Z of being an NRI' . I can't read more...
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
Live-in relationships are legal in the eyes of the law. Read on to know more on the rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships may sound exciting. But sometimes they become complicated, especially for women and the children born from a live-in relationship. It’s important to be aware of rights of women in live-in relationships.
Live-in relationships are where a woman and man live under one roof with mutual consent, like husband and wife, but without getting married. This has become very common in metropolitan cities these days, where two independent people simply do not want to get married. This relationship can be terminated without the consent of the other party.
Live-in relation may not be recognized completely at the social level, but Indian law does consider this relationship to be legal.
Elizabeth Bennet is one of Jane Austen's most memorable characters. Here are 10 reasons the author lists, why she is also very relatable to modern women.
Elizabeth Bennet is one of Jane Austen’s most memorable characters. Here are 10 reasons the author lists, why she is also very relatable to modern women.
I have always loved Jane Austen. Of all her books, Pride and Prejudice is the one I liked best. This book relates the common day to day life and concerns of the landed gentry in Regency England.
The character of Elizabeth Bennet makes her a personality which is uncommon with the times she lived in. Education for women was not something which was fashionable in those times. She is well read, opinionated, and loves a good argument.
Jane Austen’s novels are far less romantic than one imagines, as this analysis of the 'other women' in the Austen novels proves.
Jane Austen’s novels are far less romantic than one imagines, as this analysis of the ‘other women’ in the Austen novels proves.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” so begins one of the most loved novels of all times, Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.
Of course, Austen was using the sentence in a heavily ironical manner, because it was not really the single men of her time who were most in ‘need’ of matrimony, but the single women. While we usually tend to think of the Austen novels in terms of the romance in the lives of their lead female protagonists, there are many ‘other women’ in each of her famous novels, whose lives are affected by marriage or the lack of it in pretty dramatic ways; as one could argue that it did in Jane Austen’s own life. (Watch this vivid telling of her life, in which historian Dr. Lucy Worsley talks about a very ‘suitable’ proposal that Jane turned down, because it would have meant making babies, not books.)